dad cheating-should I tell him I know
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Anonymous
| I think (almost sure) my dad is cheating on my mom. He is nearly 70 years old so I dont know the extent of the relationship he is having. I am really confused as my mom and dad had a very good marriage. They really got along well and never had any major problem! now, I dont know whether I shoudl tell him that I know? Telling my mom is out of question-she has several serious health issue and I am concerned if I tell her she will have heart attack. My sister still lives with them so that is another thing that concerns me about telling wither one of them. What shoudl I do? what should you have done in this situation? Please advice. Thanks you. |
Anonymous
| I am not really sure what you should do- but - are you sure you are right about this? I mean it sounds almost preposterous to me that a 70 year old would be out cheating? I wonder if there is a reasonable explanation. Why do you think he is cheating? |
Anonymous
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Why do you think he is cheating? What's your evidence?
Your post reminded me of the scene in "One True Thing" where Renee Zellweger's character is sure her dad is having an affair, only to find out he goes and gets plastered at a local bar and is ashamed of it. His wife knows all about it. |
Anonymous
This is a tough one... Maybe he has needs that your mom cannot meet because of her health. Maybe having a grown daughter living with them is a strain on him. Maybe it is an emotional affair or companionship... At this age - I would not be worried about an affair as much as chance that he may abandon your mom and sister. As long as he was not going to leave your mom and sister and as long as he was discreet, I would butt out. But how do you know what the truth is? How can you let him know what you suspect without attacking him, embarrassing him and in a loving and tactful manner? And if you are mistaken how do you make him forgive you? That's the challenge. I wouldn't tell mom or sister before talking to dad first. |
Anonymous
OP here- I am as baffled as it gets! I think part of the reason may be the fact that he is getting insecure and wants to prove to himself he has still got it ( delayed midlife crisis ! he recently had a surgery and was really depressed after that. I really don't know the reason-I just extremely feel bad about my mom. I am so concerned that if she finds out on her own something will happen to her. When a marriage is bad you kind of expect these things, but when everything is fine it comes as a huge shock.
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Anonymous
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How about you MYOB and stay out of your parents' marriage? I don't see what any of this has to do with you. So you tell your dad you know he's cheating and then what? Threaten to tell your Mom? what exactly do you hope to accomplish?
The man has lived 70 years on this earth, surely he's entitled to a little strange. You assume your parents' marriage is a happy one, how do you really know this? are you in said marriage with them? I don't get it, you are concerned that something is going to happen to your Mom if she finds out on her own, but she will be just fine and dandy if she finds out through you or your Dad? I'll get a hobby and leave the both of them alone. |
Anonymous
| unless you have concrete proof stay out of it. If you have proof then talk to your Dad, not to accuse him but just to let him know that you know and that you are concerned for your mother - if he is cheating it is possible that you mother either knows or do not care. If I live to be that old and my DH and I got ill and my DH needed to "be with" someone else I would buy him a box of condoms and send him on his way. |
Anonymous
| I would not tell him you know |
Anonymous
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I think you should ask your dad about it. You have a right to do this as his daughter. It's immoral, what he's doing, and you could be the person to call him on it without your mom having to know. For all you know, she already knows about it.
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Anonymous
| I would Not get involved, unless you think that there is a chance he is still having sex with your mom. Statistically, men of his r not very good about using condoms. |
Anonymous
| I would tell him I know. It is not right to put the burden of such a secret on you. |
Anonymous
Really, who knew age entitled one to cheating? |
Anonymous
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Dear OP -
From reading your posts, it sounds like the big issue is your feelings towards your dad. I would not share with your mother or your sister I would have a heart to heart with your dad. Maybe there is a reasonable explanation and you are off base to suspect an affair. Perhaps he is having an affair but if your mom is not bothered by it, should you be? Would having confirmation of the truth give you peace of mind? Clear the air, talk with your dad. It would be horrible that you think these things and he passed away without an opportunity to share his side of things with you. |
Anonymous
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Myob. Stay out of it for now!
It'll just cause tension between everyone. Unless shit starts hitting the fan -- stay out. Or move out. |
Anonymous
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I would say this, "Dad, how does Mom feel about your relationship with ___?" He might deny, or he might downplay, but his reaction will tell you a lot.
And you are definitely allowed to tell him that you are disappointed in him and that your mom deserves better. |