dad cheating-should I tell him I know

[Anonymous]

I would not interfere, OP. I would MYOB.

Your parents are both adults. Maybe there is a reason. Maybe your mom doesn't want to have sex anymore. Maybe she already knows. Maybe she'd rather not know.

I think at that age, interefering does more harm than good.

[Anonymous]

I'm thinking no good comes of this. None, at all.

[Anonymous]

MYOB? These are her parents, not neighbors down the street.

No good comes of this? No, no good comes of the affair. If OP lets her dad know she knows, maybe he starts to consider the consequences of his actions.

[Anonymous]

Op, what makes you think your dad is cheating? You can suspect anybody of anything. Doesn't mean it's true. Even if it is, what do you hope to learn or gain by talking to him? Do you want him to change his ways? Do you want to learn more about what might be going on with your family and with your dad? If you are worried that your mom will have a heart attack due to this news, then her health is very fragile. This means that she probably has not been much of a companion to your dad. It also means that she may be miserable to be around on a day-to-day basis, and that your dad has probably taken on the role of caretaker as opposed to husband. He still has the same needs for a woman in his life that he always did, as much as that may gross you out. I'd suggest you talk with your dad. More importantly, I'd suggest you listen to what he tells you. You don't have to agree with him. Lastly, think of how you'd like him to respond if you came to him with a marriage problem. It's very easy to say "go forth and sin no more" when you have a partner who is emotionally willing to be a companion. The physical stuff may not work the way it once did, but the emotions are what matters. Knowing you are wanted, desired and loved as a sexual being is something all healthy adults want. You also may want to ask your dad about his surgery, his depression and how your mom responded. It's possible she did not respond with the love and compassion he neeeded. You'd do well to listen to his experiences and perspective. Also, your mom knows. She has lived with and raised teenagers. She knows what is going on, even if you don't think she does. This makes me think there is more to your "what should I do" query then you realize.

[Anonymous]

What makes you think your mother doesn't already know? My parent were both seeing other people we found out after my father died. It's was an arrangement they came to a long time ago - we were shocked they seemed like the perfect couple 50 years of marriage. Divorce just wasn't an option for many people of there generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, what makes you think your dad is cheating? You can suspect anybody of anything. Doesn't mean it's true. Even if it is, what do you hope to learn or gain by talking to him? Do you want him to change his ways? Do you want to learn more about what might be going on with your family and with your dad? If you are worried that your mom will have a heart attack due to this news, then her health is very fragile. This means that she probably has not been much of a companion to your dad. It also means that she may be miserable to be around on a day-to-day basis, and that your dad has probably taken on the role of caretaker as opposed to husband. He still has the same needs for a woman in his life that he always did, as much as that may gross you out. I'd suggest you talk with your dad. More importantly, I'd suggest you listen to what he tells you. You don't have to agree with him. Lastly, think of how you'd like him to respond if you came to him with a marriage problem. It's very easy to say "go forth and sin no more" when you have a partner who is emotionally willing to be a companion. The physical stuff may not work the way it once did, but the emotions are what matters. Knowing you are wanted, desired and loved as a sexual being is something all healthy adults want. You also may want to ask your dad about his surgery, his depression and how your mom responded. It's possible she did not respond with the love and compassion he neeeded. You'd do well to listen to his experiences and perspective. Also, your mom knows. She has lived with and raised teenagers. She knows what is going on, even if you don't think she does. This makes me think there is more to your "what should I do" query then you realize.

Did you promise to love and to cherish, forsaking all others, until illness intervenes in "companionship"? What the hell is it with blaming the betrayed spouse, too? She might not have responded with the "love and compassion he needed"? So that makes cheating okay? Is that what you say to your spouse? "Honey, if ever you decide that I am not responding to you the way you want, whatever you do - don't talk to me about it. Just find a lover!"

And where do you get off saying the mom knows? How do YOU know that?

OP, ask an open-ended question, as suggested earlier. Then let the conversation take its course.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for your responses. while I see the point of MYOB, I can't. as one post said these are my parents. As a woman, I am offended by what my dad is doing, but that is besides the point. My thinking was that if I have a heart to heart talk with him, as one mentioned he may be reminded of the consequence and reconsider. Obviously I cant stop the relationship if he wants to continue, but at least he can know what my position as his oldest child and someone who always adored him is(100% behind my my mom no matter what the reason). whatever problem that may have (which I was not aware at all and still think they had a good marriage) doesnt make cheating ok. He could just have the courage to come up and say, " lets get divorce". He didnt do that, because he wants my mom around for when he is even older. He just want to have the fun on the side. That is what makes the whole thing insulting. Obviously, as some mentioned my emotions toward him has something to do with this. I cant put up a face anymore. I can hug him and give him a kiss as genuinely as before...So I still think a conversation, not to accuse him but just saying here is what I suspect and here is how I feel about it may be the right way.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I meant to say "I can't give him a kiss..."

[Anonymous]

Stay out of it or he may cut you out of his will.

Seriously, be an adult about this and mind your own business.

[Anonymous]

I agree with you OP. Just because you are older does not mean you get a pass to cheat/accept a cheating spouse.

[Anonymous]

I cannot believe all f ou saying to myob. This is her mom we are talking about. I could not know, and keep looking my mom in the eye. I would confront my dad and ask him to clean up his act or else... This is my mom and my family he is detroying...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe all f ou saying to myob. This is her mom we are talking about. I could not know, and keep looking my mom in the eye. I would confront my dad and ask him to clean up his act or else... This is my mom and my family he is detroying...

Well, this and Explicit are full of cheaters who step out any time they get horny so can't expect much.

[Anonymous]

OP, have you even considered that your mom may be aware of his cheating, in fact, they may have some agreement that he may seek sexual companionship elsewhere? Or perhaps they were swingers for awhile, or something else altogether?

Do you really want to know all this information about your parent's sex lives? Surely you don't. Stay out.