dcum - please judge away - who's right in this?

[Anonymous]

so, we went away for a big (brief - mem day wknd) family vacation. my parents footed the bill. me + dh + 3 kids under 6, brother #1 with spouse, and brother #2.

yesterday, we planned to do a bit more site-seeing before going our separate ways, so we got into the cars at 10:30/11. as we drove away from the place, brother #1 called me and said could we stop for food (said he didn't like the hotel buffet (bagels and yogurt and coffee) and wanted eggs and a proper brunch.) i said none of us were hungry and that we couldn't make the kids sit in a restaurant again (barely an 1 after they had breakfast). he said fine.

we drove on, saw site #1 and brother 1 again says he has to have brunch and starts discussing places to eat with brother #2 and my parents. it was 11:30.

brother #1 was adamant that he had to eat right away and SIL found a place she wanted to try nearby. i said we should split our separate ways b/c kids wouldn't eat until 12:30/1 and we weren't hungry.

in car, DH was furious that brothers wouldn't come along with us for more sites and "hang out" and delay their meal so that they could eat with the kids and everyone could spend more time together.

i saw all points: my brothers are kid-less and want to do what they want. they're used to being leisurely and not being on anyone's schedule and they'd done pretty well eating dinner and lunch at kid times for the past 2 days. i also saw how they were being sort of selfish (not going to repeat how many times i heard "if only i could get a bran muffin and some espresso"). and i felt DH was being a little entitled - why should everyone have to cave to our schedule, just b/c we have kids?

so, thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Your husband is an ass

[Anonymous]

Odd that your DH got upset. They were hungry, you proposed a plan that worked for everyone, simple. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

I'm in a similar position (with kids, siblings without). In this case, I see both sides. Brothers were being brats (what's wrong with a bagel if it means the family gets more time together) but I also feel strongly that just because one couple has kids, they don't get to dictate the day.

I'd probably have explained it to the brothers ("look, I know it's annoying, but the kids won't sit down for a meal when they just ate - do you mind grabbing something quick and we can all sit down at lunchtime?") and if they refused, then go on without them and meet up later.

[Anonymous]

If you've already spent 2/3rds of a long weekend hanging out together, what's wrong with everybody doing their own thing on the last day?

[Anonymous]

Is your husband from a small family?

In big families doing it this way is perfectly normal, as a matter of necessity.

[Anonymous]

Your brothers spent a whole weekend with you and your kids. Why can't they get a decent meal in peace? Your husband is being ridiculous. any why is it relevant that you are all still letting your parents pay for the trip? does that mean the brothers are supposed to eat on your kids' schedule?

[Anonymous]

My thought - I literally couldn't care less.

[Anonymous]

I dont think anyone was wrong. I think everyone did what worked for them. Sometimes youve got to be selfish. You cant always cave in to the demands of others.

[Anonymous]

Another one who is not sure why your husband "was furious." Who wants to sit through a meal with 3 kids under 6? Hell, if I were you, I would have asked your brothers if you could have joined them and left your dh with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Your DH needs to understand that not everyone can be on your kids schedule. No need for him getting him upset. They followed the "rules" for 2 days, and were prob sick of the whole thing.

My brother has 4 kids and their schedule is very regimented, my husband and I do not have kids. Going on vacation with them would be all kid stuff and no way would I do it.

[Anonymous]

Holy shit. Your parents paid for the lot of you?! Talk about entitled...

What did the people who were footing the bill end up doing? Going to brunch? Then you should've been with them, "hanging out".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy shit. Your parents paid for the lot of you?! Talk about entitled...

What did the people who were footing the bill end up doing? Going to brunch? Then you should've been with them, "hanging out".

I disagree. Its tough with kids... it would have been tougher to subject the kids to sitting through a second meal. I think it was best for the group to split.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe that OP married a child. You know, I *HAVE* kids and I hate to be on the kids schedule. I'll do it for my kids, but frankly, I'm with the brothers. if I'm actually going on vacation, I want to feel like I'm on vacation and not being dragged around from site to site on a schedule. And I have to eat at kid-friendly places all the time, so I can also understand the desire to have a real, adult meal of a type that I choose. OP made the most sensible and adult suggestion possible. I can't believe that everyone wasn't extremely grateful that they brought one adult on the trip.

[Anonymous]

I think you and your brothers came up with a good solution that allowed you all to enjoy the vacation. If your parents had really wanted for everyone to be together, I would have suggested something like getting a nice picnic brunch/lunch so the brothers could eat and the kids could run around, but at least in your first post, it doesn't sound like they had strong feelings either way.