Do you help financially your in-laws or parents?

[Anonymous]

My MIL is retired, lives by herself. Her house is an a really bad shape. She's had some things fixed here and there, but it needs a lot more work. She doesn't have the money.

DH and siblings have done a few things for the house over the years - painted it, replaced the carpet, built a new storage shed, etc. But lately my SIL has been making a lot of effort into fixing it up. She (my SIL) refinanced her house and redone MIL's kitchen and bathroom. Now she wants to replace the siding, but is asking other siblings to split the cost. It's several thousand of dollars.

We're doing ok financially, but not rich, if we come up with the money it will come from our emergency savings or savings for DH's new car. On the other hand, DH feels guilty if he doesn't help and MIL's house does need repairs.

Have you been in similar situations? What to do?

[Anonymous]

We help my MIL but not to that extent. If we could, I would have no issue chipping in but I would not if it was from a new car or emergency fund in less it was absolutely necessary. That's lovely of your SIL but if you cannot afford it, you can't. I would do more things like send gift cards for grocery's, gas or Target/Walmart. That is what we usually do.

[Anonymous]

Not to be crass, but when your MIL passes away, who inherits the house? Because it may be more like an investment with a future return... Now, that's not to say that you actually can afford to make the investment right now. I would make DH have a frank talk with SIL about what is possible, financially. Maybe lay out a long term plan.

[Anonymous]

Exactly what I was thinking, 22:37. We're both crass

In your place I would make a token contribution, because you like your MIL, and in order to stave off future resentment and recriminations...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to be crass, but when your MIL passes away, who inherits the house? Because it may be more like an investment with a future return... Now, that's not to say that you actually can afford to make the investment right now. I would make DH have a frank talk with SIL about what is possible, financially. Maybe lay out a long term plan.

I don't know. It's possible it will be inherited by my SIL. Actually MIL recently borrowed our software for writing wills.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the right solution is that SIL gets a better inheritance You can say you understand due to the fact SIL is pouring money into the house and you can't afford it.

[Anonymous]

How is your MIL finances? What is she using her money on? Does she have equity she can pull out? Maybe she should sell.

If she dies before you will helping her put you in her same/similar situation-you struggle while in retirement.

[Anonymous]

Has MIL considered a reverse mortgage? That way she can do some repairs and not have things so tight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the right solution is that SIL gets a better inheritance You can say you understand due to the fact SIL is pouring money into the house and you can't afford it.

Ditto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is your MIL finances? What is she using her money on? Does she have equity she can pull out? Maybe she should sell.

If she dies before you will helping her put you in her same/similar situation-you struggle while in retirement.

MIL paid off her mortgage. She lives check to check without any savings. She doesn't even have home insurance.

The house is not something we want to invest in - it's not in DC, it's in a bad neighborhood, old. I thing if it sells for 40K it'd be a good deal. I don't mind if SIL inherits it, but she's asking everyone to split the repair costs.

MIL could move in with other relatives, but she wants to be independent. And this independence is starting to cost us.

[Anonymous]

MIL could move in with other relatives, but she wants to be independent. And this independence is starting to cost us

Do you have a heart beating in your chest? Perhaps, you want her moving in with you...I didn't think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a heart beating in your chest? Perhaps, you want her moving in with you...I didn't think so.

She has an older sister with a nice big brick house 10 minutes away from her, who is also retired, widowed and lives alone with her cat in a very nice neighborhood. They could live together, but she won't.

[Anonymous]

Apparently she can't afford to live where she is.

I am in a similar position and made it clear that we are not in a position to help my MIL living in a situation that she cannot afford.

No house insurance- If it burns down then what? If the roof caved in what happens? Are you gonnakeep putting money into something that she can not afford?

What happens when property taxes are due?

[Anonymous]

I don't finance stupid. I am not calling her stupid just some of the decisions. If you can not afford it then it is time to get rid of it.

Guilt-my parents would feel awful putting us in a situation where we would have to finance their (our parents) lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
What happens when property taxes are due?

The property taxes are very small and I think she pays them.

Once her tree fell on a neighbor's car and that's how we found out she didn't own home insurance. After that SIL started lobbying for paying for her home insurance. She also pays for MIL's cell phone. And we buy all the major items for MIL - TV, lawn mower, computer, etc.

MIL hardly ever asks for anything directly, I don't know if she's doing it through SIL. SIL is always lobbying for big ticket items for MIL - storage shed, new fence, new refrigerator, etc, etc. They're usually camouflaged as Bday gifts, Christmas gifts, Mother's day gifts, etc. Buying a new siding for an entire house is an expensive Mother's day gift, and already gave flowers and a card.

SIL herself doesn't have any family and makes a decent living. We don't have as much disposable income to throw around.