Is it bad form to ask acquaintances where kids are in college?
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Anonymous
| When I see an acquaintance I know has a senior or college freshman son/daughter, is it bad manners to ask where he/she is looking or has decided to go to school? I am just trying to show interest and make conversation and am curious since we will be doing the college search for our oldest soon. But sometimes I sense people are disappointed in where their kids are going, if they can't say that it is a really elite school. One parent even offered that her daughter had "not lived up to her potential.". Is this too loaded a question? |
Anonymous
| Ask away. But whatever college or post high school plans they answer, I'd respond in a positive manner. |
Anonymous
| I think so. I think a better way to broach the subject is just to ask 'how is the college search going or how do they enjoy university'...and then the other party can respond as broadly or specifically as they want..i.e. "DC likes/hates school" vs. "DC likes/hates *insert college name*" |
Anonymous
|
Agree with PP -- ask about the process, since that is what you're actually interested in.
"We're gearing up for the college search. How did you narrow the field for your DC? Where did you find the most helpful information so you could focus on schools that would be a good fit?" |
Anonymous
| I think asking "What are Vivian's plans for next year?" is fine. Asking "What college is Hortense going to?" is a little crass, particularly if it is just a gateway to your subsequent announcement that Friedrich is attending The Sorbonne. |
Anonymous
| Normally it's not a bad thing at all, but at this time of year it's a really stressful time, and some people are talked-out when it comes to the college subject. As PP above suggested asking in general about Larla's plans might be a more gentle inquiry than asking which college she's chosen. |
Anonymous
| New poster. Some good suggestions here. Thanks! |
Anonymous
FFS, just spat my earl grey all over my cravat. 
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Anonymous
| One important suggestion is never/ever ask a high school junior or high school senior (until May 1) what their college plans are, they are incredibly stressed and sick of the question and you will be a popular adult if you say "how bout those Skins, or Caps" or talk foreign policy or clothing styles or whatever, just NEVER college until they are through the process and all set, or they bring it up themselves and seem to want to discuss it. |
Anonymous
| What are (name here)'s plans after graduation? |
Anonymous
| Good point, 16:47. You don't want to set up a 17-year-old by getting them to tell you in January that they've applied to Harvard, Princeton and Yale. Wait until the dust has settled, so on or after May 1 they don't have to own the rejections and can instead enthuse about Target School U. |
Anonymous
It makes me sad that parents feel this way about their children's schools, which I'm sure are good schools. |
Anonymous
| Don't ask. Just ask how the kid is doing and if they want to tell you they will. I had a screw up brother who wasn't going to college and it was really hard for my parents when everyone in our snobby town asked (as an aside he now makes about $500k/year). There is too much of a fixation on where kids are going to school anyway. |
Anonymous
| Absolutely NOT a bad thing to ask! |
Anonymous
|
I wouldn't ask a h.s. junior or senior where they are going. It can be a really stressful time for kids and parents. If it's not, they will often volunteer this info.
If you think their kids are in college, you can always how they are. |