Establishing bad sleep habits early on?

[Anonymous]

My three week old DD only sleeps if she is being held by me and only falls asleep after nursing. She nurses very frequently (at least every hour generally) and it seems as though it is often just for comfort. I am worried that I am establishing bad sleep habits but the alternative is lots of crying and no sleep for either of us.

Any advice or words of wisdom for an exhausted and worried first time mom?

[Anonymous]

Here's the refrain you need to learn: "You CAN'T spoil a baby!"

She's three weeks old. Depending on how far along you were when you delivered, she could potentially still be in the womb.

I say, give her everything she needs, when she needs it. She doesn't have wants at this age, just needs. Soon, her periods of sleep and waking will lengthen and become more regular. As for you and your exhaustion, see if you can nurse lying down yet. (I think it was around 3-4 weeks that we figured that position out.) If you can, you can possibly snooze and nurse.

[Anonymous]

Babies that young are not aware enough of the world around them to develop bad habits. I read in the book Baby 411 that you should just do whatever it takes to get baby to sleep for the first 2 months and then you can start to think about creating good habits.

[Anonymous]

Do others agree that developing good habits can't really begin until around 8 - 10 weeks old?

[Anonymous]

I think there is an important distinction worth making here...

While its true you "can't spoil a baby", and its true that they are not trying to manipulate you,... I don't think that means that you can't be helping them set bad habits, or that developing good habits can't begin until 8-10 weeks.

Having said that... I think young babies are very very flexible. in general, it gets harder to change habits the older they get... but its true that you can do almost anything in the first 2 months, and still "un-do" it later.

So, I think the general advice here, which is "do whatever you need to do to get some sleep" is fine for the first 2 months.

I worried tremendously about setting bad habits and felt like if I put the baby in my bed, that I'd never get him to sleep in his crib. It was mostly unfounded. Do what you need to do.. but be mindful as the baby gets older, that if you don't want him falling asleep on your boob, at some point you should make that transition (my vote would be to start working on that by 6-8 weeks). that's just my perspective.

[Anonymous]

I basically let me DD guide me on who she wanted to sleep for the first 3-4 months. After that I started to manipulate her feeding or sleeping schedule to what would be best for all of us. She is now 14 months and sleeps like a dream for good 12 hours a night, sleeps in her crib and naps beautifully. The idea is to be flexible but i think the trick is to let your baby tell you what is best for them. As a first time mom, I was getting conflicting advise from anyone I talked to. So I trusted my baby to know what she wanted more than any books for grandparents or friends. It makes for a more guilt free mothering and happy baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do others agree that developing good habits can't really begin until around 8 - 10 weeks old?

Yes, I agree that you should NOT worry about this. Do whatever your infant wants you to do. Really, you can not spoil a baby. REALLY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do others agree that developing good habits can't really begin until around 8 - 10 weeks old?

My only disagreement is that for some babies 8-10 weeks may still be early.

[Anonymous]

Personally I think that while you can't "spoil" a baby, you can create bad sleeping habits. Maybe some babies easily transition from sleeping in arms to sleeping on their own, but my first certainly didn't. Since he had a hard transition, I made sure to lay my 2nd two down to sleep from day one and they are MUCH better sleepers. I do think that babies want to be held and if this is your first and you don't plan to have any more for a couple of years (and you are okay w/holding your baby or can be cmfortable waering your baby in a sling) then by all means, hold away. Cuddling a baby can be wonderful! However, if the constant holding is driving you carzy and/or you have (or may have in a year or so) others that need your attention, you should start trying to lay baby down to sleep.

[Anonymous]

I followed the Baby Whisperer book for my first child, starting around 8 weeks and found great peace and sanity in the routine (not a timed schedule mind you, a routine). I plan to start it as soon as we get home from the hospital for dear kid #2 due anytime now. I was just so exhausted not knowing if the kiddo was hungry, sleepy, etc, that I also found the routine reassuring and helpful.

[Anonymous]

Weissbluth says don't worry about falling asleep at the breast. Put your baby to sleep after 1-2 hours when they show sleep signs, and they will learn to sleep. I recommend Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do others agree that developing good habits can't really begin until around 8 - 10 weeks old?

Yes! And I'd say even a bit later than that. I wouldn't start worrying too much until 4 months or so. In the meantime, enjoy your new baby!

[Anonymous]

We told our pedi at our 1 month visit, "She cries when we put her down." He looked at us for a minute and said, "Then don't put her down. You're her parents. You're supposed to hold her." And we haven't looked back.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Spoke with my pediatrician and midwife and they both seem to think that I am feeding her and holding her too much. My midwife said that newborns do get used to being held all the time and that it will be much harder for me later on if I don't start trying to put her down to sleep. They both encourage me to use a pacifier and to try to find other things to soothe her instead of breastfeeding. The grandparents certainly seem to agree.

I am so confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Spoke with my pediatrician and midwife and they both seem to think that I am feeding her and holding her too much. My midwife said that newborns do get used to being held all the time and that it will be much harder for me later on if I don't start trying to put her down to sleep. They both encourage me to use a pacifier and to try to find other things to soothe her instead of breastfeeding. The grandparents certainly seem to agree.

I am so confused.

I am beyond shocked that a midwife or even a ped would ever say that. Your infant has been out of your womb for just 21 days for Lord's sake! You cannot hold her too much or feed her too much if you are doing both on demand. It's impossible. Frequent nursing is often the norm, especially during growth spurts, etc. She needs to eat and she needs you. Find a new ped. and stop talking to your midwife. Sorry to hear they are complete wackos.

FWIW my son wouldn't sleep anywhere but in our arms for months. He now sleeps fine in his crib and walks independently.