How to politely refuse(or set up rules?) other moms bring kids to use our pool

[Anonymous]

Long story short, I recently became friendly with a few moms from my daughter's school. It's only been a few months so I don't consider them close friends yet.

Now summer is here and they also have seen our pool in the back yard. I think they expect to be invited to come swim with the kids over the summer. The problem is I really don't feel comfortable with the idea. I have three kids, and the other moms also have other younger kids. While I may be ok with having just 1-2 more kids to come swim together, I really don't feel good about having younger children (under 5 maybe?) for safety concerns. Plus some of these moms are even closer friends, and they always do things together. I can't imagine inviting only one family at a time to solve the problem, but having mor than one family and at lease 4-6 extra children besides on own at a time sounds crazy to me!

I need advice!

[Anonymous]

Just don't extend the invitation. It's not like they will invite themselves over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don't extend the invitation. It's not like they will invite themselves over.

+ 1. This really doesn't seem like an actual issue. Nothing has happened.

[Anonymous]

When I was growing up, we had a flag pool by the gate to our fenced in backyard (with pool). We put a certain flag up when it was okay for kids to come over to swim and took it down other times. The neighbors could check or send their kids to check if the flag was up. Believe me, when we put the flag up, we had kids come within the half hour to swim. We also had a rule that if there were more than 3 kids (besides us), that there had to be another adult. My parents made sure the other parents all understood the rules. And if their kid was #4 and they couldn't watch, sometimes one mom would call another neighbor and ask if they could go over and help watch the kids. It took a season or two, but it started to work smoothly once everyone was on-board with the rules and how they worked.

And yes, we had times that we would go out to swim without putting up the flag. That was usually when either someone in the family wanted to exercise and swim laps or when we weren't going to be around very long and didn't want to encourage folks that might want to swim for a while.

[Anonymous]

My advice would be: don't feel bad, saying "no" is ok. Last thing you want is a unplanned pool party happening and things getting out of control - people wanting food and rinks and unsupervised kids. I disagree with a previous poster, people WILL invite themselves over, and pretend the kids want to see each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was growing up, we had a flag pole by the gate to our fenced in backyard (with pool). We put a certain flag up when it was okay for kids to come over to swim and took it down other times. The neighbors could check or send their kids to check if the flag was up. Believe me, when we put the flag up, we had kids come within the half hour to swim. We also had a rule that if there were more than 3 kids (besides us), that there had to be another adult. My parents made sure the other parents all understood the rules. And if their kid was #4 and they couldn't watch, sometimes one mom would call another neighbor and ask if they could go over and help watch the kids. It took a season or two, but it started to work smoothly once everyone was on-board with the rules and how they worked.

And yes, we had times that we would go out to swim without putting up the flag. That was usually when either someone in the family wanted to exercise and swim laps or when we weren't going to be around very long and didn't want to encourage folks that might want to swim for a while.

Oops...just saw a typo in my post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My advice would be: don't feel bad, saying "no" is ok. Last thing you want is a unplanned pool party happening and things getting out of control - people wanting food and rinks and unsupervised kids. I disagree with a previous poster, people WILL invite themselves over, and pretend the kids want to see each other.

Agree. This is why I hate the summer. DH gets home before I do and can't say no to people who want to use the pool. Then I'm a bitch when I kick everyone out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don't extend the invitation. It's not like they will invite themselves over.

I agree with this. Don't worry until it is a problem. I don't blame you. Pools are a huge responsibility. I get so nervous when my own children are in the pool, I couldn't handle other children. Once they are older, I would be more relaxed but any child would have to have had some swimming lessons.

[Anonymous]

Invite me over, OP, to come hang at your pool. I'll bring my two kids and while we watch them, I'll teach you how to be firm and not feel badly at all about it.

[Anonymous]

My best friend growing up had a pool. They lived next door. Just because I knocked on the door to see if she was available to play did not mean that we were going swimming. I only got to go in the pool when she initiated the invitation. My parents taught me that I was not to ask if we could go swimming.

[Anonymous]

My father put in a pool when we were kids because he got sick of selfish neighbors turning kids down on hot days. Best times ever with neighborhood kids, pool parties as teens, etc.

[Anonymous]

One word LIABILITY!

[Anonymous]

Reminds of the other poster who doesn't want kids on her driveway. You people are crazy and over think things.

[Anonymous]

We have a pool and no one has ever invited themselves over. If they do ask, say, "I'd like to, but after researching pools and liabilities, we've decided against it for the time being."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father put in a pool when we were kids because he got sick of selfish neighbors turning kids down on hot days. Best times ever with neighborhood kids, pool parties as teens, etc.

People weren't as sue-happy as they are now.