Supports for an ADD boy who is "doing well" in school?

[Anonymous]

I'm curious about all the posts regarding interventions in school. My son is in 5th grade in a close-in lower MoCo school and is excelling - he's going into all the advanced classes they offer next year (though he's not in a G/T center). That said, -- humbly, I don't want to sound obnoxious...but his Dad and I are both highly educated, top of our fields...so of course we expect our son to be the same. I had ADD, and I think if I ever had been diagnosed, and gotten my shit together including turning papers in on time instead of being marked down, I would have been at an Ivy League school instead of one rung below.

The psych who is treating both of us has said it would be a waste of money to pursue an evaluation because MoCo will not help him as he is "doing too well."

Anyone in a similar situation? Just curious about different alternatives.

[Anonymous]

We are in the same situation. We left public school and are in private. He was "doing well" by montgomery county standard which meant he was not a grade behind in reading. I would have had to wait until he was failing to get help. Actually you have to wait until he is in the lower 30% to get help not a C or a D an F.

All D's would have been fine with our school.

This is not true for GT kids.

[Anonymous]

Um . . . parents who didn't go to college expect their sons and daughters to do well. yes, your posts sounds obnoxious.

I have a child with ADHD who is a top student and has no accommodations not even extended time. He takes medication and thats sufficient.

I'm not sure what your point is -- that because he has super-de-dooper smart parents, he should be doing even better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm curious about all the posts regarding interventions in school. My son is in 5th grade in a close-in lower MoCo school and is excelling - he's going into all the advanced classes they offer next year (though he's not in a G/T center). That said, -- humbly, I don't want to sound obnoxious...but his Dad and I are both highly educated, top of our fields...so of course we expect our son to be the same. I had ADD, and I think if I ever had been diagnosed, and gotten my shit together including turning papers in on time instead of being marked down, I would have been at an Ivy League school instead of one rung below.

The psych who is treating both of us has said it would be a waste of money to pursue an evaluation because MoCo will not help him as he is "doing too well."

Anyone in a similar situation? Just curious about different alternatives.

If your child is doing well in the advanced classes without supports, why do you think he needs supports? What interventions/supports do you think he needs?

[Anonymous]

My kid is like yours, so we went private. So far, so good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um . . . parents who didn't go to college expect their sons and daughters to do well. yes, your posts sounds obnoxious.

I have a child with ADHD who is a top student and has no accommodations not even extended time. He takes medication and thats sufficient.

I'm not sure what your point is -- that because he has super-de-dooper smart parents, he should be doing even better?

I am not OP. But. When you son was diagnosed with ADHD did the psycologist ask you what your level of education was? Did he has your career?

For us he did and it was an important factor in determining his diagnosis.

Again, I am not speaking for OP but when my son was "doing well" by MoCo standards it basically meant that he worked 4 hours a night and cried himself to sleep and was being seen by a psycologist for possible depression. MoCo require him to fail before they would...

provide study sheets, let him sit up front, provide a quiet place for tests, allow him to ask questions during the test, allow him to circle the answer, provide essay tests instead of matching, do 1/2 his math problems, etc.

[Anonymous]

OP,

I found your post confusing (and yes a little obnoxious as PP mentioned). You see a "psych" (psychologist/psychiatrist) but they don't recommend getting an evaluation of your son? Has your son actually been diagnosed with ADHD?

If he has and is doing fine, I wouldn't worry about it. If he starts to struggle, I would pursue accommodations through the school.

BTW, my brother has ADHD and went to Harvard all without medications/accommodations. Most people don't go to college in this country and of those who do, only a fraction end up at an "ivy." If you made it in your field regardless, I'm not sure why you would care if your son did or didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I found your post confusing (and yes a little obnoxious as PP mentioned). You see a "psych" (psychologist/psychiatrist) but they don't recommend getting an evaluation of your son? Has your son actually been diagnosed with ADHD?

If he has and is doing fine, I wouldn't worry about it. If he starts to struggle, I would pursue accommodations through the school.

BTW, my brother has ADHD and went to Harvard all without medications/accommodations. Most people don't go to college in this country and of those who do, only a fraction end up at an "ivy." If you made it in your field regardless, I'm not sure why you would care if your son did or didn't.

Harvard does provide accomodations now. BTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um . . . parents who didn't go to college expect their sons and daughters to do well. yes, your posts sounds obnoxious.

I have a child with ADHD who is a top student and has no accommodations not even extended time. He takes medication and thats sufficient.

I'm not sure what your point is -- that because he has super-de-dooper smart parents, he should be doing even better?

Well, sorry if I sound obnoxious, that's why I apologized in advance - it's hard to figure out how to phrase this, but to answer your question, ...Yes, we expect him to be doing better not just because of his parents but because if he didn't have ADD he would be doing even better. Half the time he "forgets" his homework, studies on bus for tests, and gets an A-. Huge projects are nightmares and he's been marked down to a B. It reminds me of what I went through in school...how do we teach him the "executive functioning" skills so he will work to his full potential? Would MCPS school counselors work with him on issues of losing/forgetting homework, or just say, "He's doing fine." And can this be addressed one-on-one with the counselor in his school, or would we need to make a case? As someone else posted, they won't typically help unless you're in bottom 30%. This is really hard for me to manage because my ADD is very severe and it feels like it is getting worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is like yours, so we went private. So far, so good.

14:11...This is OP...I'm afraid we don't have the financial resources to go private, but can you explain what you mean by so far, so good? How are they helping him at the private school?

Thanks...!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I found your post confusing (and yes a little obnoxious as PP mentioned). You see a "psych" (psychologist/psychiatrist) but they don't recommend getting an evaluation of your son? Has your son actually been diagnosed with ADHD?

If he has and is doing fine, I wouldn't worry about it. If he starts to struggle, I would pursue accommodations through the school.

BTW, my brother has ADHD and went to Harvard all without medications/accommodations. Most people don't go to college in this country and of those who do, only a fraction end up at an "ivy." If you made it in your field regardless, I'm not sure why you would care if your son did or didn't.

I know several people like this with ADHD or Asperger's/ASD. They all went to school when these diagnosis were not common or did not exist: AS was not recognized in the DSM until the early 90ties. These are obviously people who did not need any accommodations and their condition was mild and/or they could compensate enough for their disability to still be successful.

OP, if your son is doing well without any "help" don't worry about it. If at some point, you think he would do better with accommodations then seek a diagnosis. I have a friend who was not diagnosed with ADHD until he graduated from a top 10 law school. He is currently a dean at a large public law school on the West Coast. Could he have done better in school with accommodations? Maybe, maybe not. But even my friend thinks he would have been happier knowing earier what was "wrong" with him. Something to consider...

[Anonymous]

This is OP again...what I'm worried about is that as my son advances in school, at some point - 7th grade? 9th grade? - he just won't be able to wing it anymore. When I was in his situation, I solved the problem by staying up all night to work, tuning in to my hyperfocus. I did that for years, and I never learned how to manage my time productively (as I type this, I realize I should really be focused on another deadline!) So the question is....my son is taking an Rx for his ADD, he's "doing well" but just by sheer seat-of-the-pants luck/smarts. Only real issues we've had are that he had to drop out of music, even though he really wanted to play, because he kept forgetting to go to music class. He freaks out sometimes and cries because he forgot to do something and he wants to please the teacher and get good grades. I'm concerned that I'm not modeling things well for him - I'm trying - but what is easy for other Moms is neither easy nor intuitive for me....So short of putting him in a private school, which we can't afford, and short of waiting to see if the situation actually implodes in 8th or 9th grade, what do we do? I'm also worried about the effects of ADD on depression, which runs in both sides of the family. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to wait. I grew up an only child, with excellent, involved parents, and I have ADD. Things started going south for me at university (parents weren't around to help me with deadlines). When your child is a little older, tell him your suspicions about his ADD as something to possibly prepare for. That way, he is informed an able to decide what course to take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

I found your post confusing (and yes a little obnoxious as PP mentioned). You see a "psych" (psychologist/psychiatrist) but they don't recommend getting an evaluation of your son? Has your son actually been diagnosed with ADHD?

If he has and is doing fine, I wouldn't worry about it. If he starts to struggle, I would pursue accommodations through the school.

BTW, my brother has ADHD and went to Harvard all without medications/accommodations. Most people don't go to college in this country and of those who do, only a fraction end up at an "ivy." If you made it in your field regardless, I'm not sure why you would care if your son did or didn't.

I know several people like this with ADHD or Asperger's/ASD. They all went to school when these diagnosis were not common or did not exist: AS was not recognized in the DSM until the early 90ties. These are obviously people who did not need any accommodations and their condition was mild and/or they could compensate enough for their disability to still be successful.

OP, if your son is doing well without any "help" don't worry about it. If at some point, you think he would do better with accommodations then seek a diagnosis. I have a friend who was not diagnosed with ADHD until he graduated from a top 10 law school. He is currently a dean at a large public law school on the West Coast. Could he have done better in school with accommodations? Maybe, maybe not. But even my friend thinks he would have been happier knowing earier what was "wrong" with him. Something to consider...

14:43, this is OP again. Thank you for your thoughtful reply. To clarify, we do have a diagnosis of ADD - this is from the psychiatrist who treats me. She says his is more mild than mine, which is severe, but she is watching his - we see her monthly, and we are both on medication. He has a little brother who definitely has issues with impulse control and the psychiatrist thinks that he probably has it as well.

To clarify, and maybe sound less obnoxious to the others - I shouldn't have said I am at the top of my field. Actually, I once was, when I stayed in the office till 9 or 10 every night, or working till midnight or 2 a.m., as I did throughout my twenties. Once I stopped doing that, after having my son, things started to fall apart. I am the person who comes up with "brilliant" ideas that other people then run with, because I stumble in executing. When I am on a team with people to assist me, we do kick ass - and do some of the very best work in our field - but when I have to work more independently, it is a disaster. I forget, I am late, etc. I also piss people off because of this, obviously. What I am worried about is that my son is going to turn out just like me -- appearing to be "smart" and "fine" but really not learning how to organize himself. So my question was if the school can help him, or if they really won't help unless his grades suffer. I think they suspect something - he is the boy who is late to school a lot (because of his mother), the one whose forms aren't turned in on time, the one whose mother forgets about the important events, etc. It's not always like this, but more than I'd like. ...So maybe the question should be two-fold...how can I help myself to be a better organized Mom and thus help my son, and also, how can you help an ADD child who appears to be doing well academically but has not gotten any supports to really learn how to manage his ADD symptoms? Thank you!

[Anonymous]

ASDEC has tutors that will work on executive functioning skills. ASDEC.COM

Franklin Covey did not become a millionaire for nothing. They can teach him to make lists, time management, study skills.

The good thing about executive functioning skills are they are skills and they can be taught.

What a lot of people don't understand is that for every success story there are 10 more that are not successes. Our children commit suicide, are drug addicts, etc at a much higher rate, so just waiting and seeing is a little bit like playing Russian Roulette.