Question for those of you with a boy and girl

[Anonymous]

Do you feel as close, connected to your son as you do your daughter? I have such an amazing bond with my daughter, we are so close. I'm fearful that if I have a boy, I won't feel as connected or as close to him. That we won't have this special bond that I have with my daughter. (I know it's crazy but I have a friend that is very close to her daughter, not so much with the son. Even stated that she loved the daughter more and said it took her a year+ to feel really bonded to her son.) For those of you who have both, what are your thoughts, feelings?

[Anonymous]

Much closer bond with my son. But I think that's a function of: first born, personality, and age.

Things often change over time. The relationship you have when they are 2 is often quite different than the one you have at age 12.

I say this as someone who loves all my kids fiercely and always have. But I think it's natural to feel a closer kinship with one.

[Anonymous]

My son is 4 and my daughters is 1.5. I feel closer to them both in different ways. I know my son and his personality better and he's my firstborn so there is a special relationship there. My daughter is my baby girl though and I think I understand her better. I wouldn't say I love one more or less. Just different relationships. I can't relate to my son the way my DH does however he will always be special for being my first baby.

[Anonymous]

It has as much if—not more—to do with personality as with gender.

I'm closer to my son and my husband is closer to our daughter, and personality-wise, that's a closer fit for us, too.

[Anonymous]

I think it's impossible to generalize. Depends on you, your child, the circumstances. I have two boys and a girl and love them all equally, however my relationship with each is unique. Wouldn't trade the experience of having sons and a daughter for anything. They have taught me so much.

[Anonymous]

DD is 11 and DS is 8. They are both so special to me in different ways. I probably spend more time chatting with DD because she's chatty. But DS makes us all laugh and I feel that he and I have a different way of showing our love to each other than with DD. My DH would probably say the same but reversed.

[Anonymous]

I have a 5 yo ds and 4 yo dd.
I have such a special love for each of them. They have different personalities and traits that just endear my heart so much to each.
Really I honestly love them both and feel bonded with both equally.

[Anonymous]

I have a 6 yr DD and 4 yr DS and love them both SO much but differently. My DS is a rough and tumble BOY - he's always dirty, always running, but he has a heart of gold and is the biggest sweetie out there. My DD is becoming such a big girl and I love our new ability to have 'real' talks and reading to her and her newfound love of shopping and art ( both favorite activities of mine ). So while I interact with them differently, the true love is there for both. I think you will find your way with each gender. Also, things change so much when they stop being babies/toddlers and start becoming big kids, it makes it easier to bond ( IMO)

[Anonymous]

I feel equally bonded. Kids are 9 and 7. But sometimes I relate more to my daughter because of shared gender. Aometv

[Anonymous]

My two are so different that I love them both differently.

My DD is independent, sporty and sweet, has her own ideas about everything, braver than I ever was, and likes to go to lunch or shopping with me. She is totally different than I was as a kid. She tells me about boys she likes, and I love that she is going to take on the world someday.

My DS is sweet and cuddly, loves to read together, can be a complete trouble-maker and a PITA, is scared of rides, likes to make jokes and will tell you in depth all about every superhero/ lego charachter/ skylander ever made. He still likes to crawl in bed and snuggle with us in the morning and tells me I'm the best Mommy ever. He is more like me I guess, and I love that. I remember I was scared to have a boy but luckily they all just start as babies so you get used to them. Then one day they turn into toddlers and start climbing the bookshelves, and you realize that boys are different haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has as much if—not more—to do with personality as with gender.

I'm closer to my son and my husband is closer to our daughter, and personality-wise, that's a closer fit for us, too.

Agree with this, 100%. I may have more in common with my daughter, in terms of activities and interests, but my personality matches my son's.

[Anonymous]

I feel closer to my son, perhaps because we've had more time together, or because he's older and past the PITA qualities that can make my 3 yo dd difficult to be around sometimes. If their ages were switched I would probably feel closer to my daughter.

[Anonymous]

I feel like, if anything, you tend to be closer to #1, regardless of whether it's a boy or a girl. With #1, you had so much time when it was your attention was solely focused on him or her. Even when #2 is born, #1 has so many needs (and is so much more vocal about them), that you always feel like you need to take care of #1.

I love my daughter (#2) so much. But I've had two more years of loving my son and getting to know him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like, if anything, you tend to be closer to #1, regardless of whether it's a boy or a girl. With #1, you had so much time when it was your attention was solely focused on him or her. Even when #2 is born, #1 has so many needs (and is so much more vocal about them), that you always feel like you need to take care of #1.

I love my daughter (#2) so much. But I've had two more years of loving my son and getting to know him.

+1

[Anonymous]

OP I have B/G twins - so no first born issues here. I knew I would love and connect with my daughter the way I had with my own mother. And I did and we are super close.

I didn't expect how I would feel about my son. I had no idea how wonderful the mother-son relationship would be, and how different. He's the sweetest, funniest kid and so, so snuggly. As myriad PPs have said, it's a very different relationship. I am so madly in love with my son, but I couldn't have imagined it until I had him.