What to do when you don't feel appreciated at all at work

[Anonymous]

I used to love my job, but in the last 6 months or so I've started to dread it. A big part of this is my boss. I feel like she piles on a ton of work, then criticizes me for not having good time management skills. Lately she's started to say this once a week or so--that I don't have good time management skills. My time management skills are good but I have more work than I can reasonably get done in a regular work day, and I have discussed this with her. I have also felt very drained in the last 6 months. I'm drained, feel sluggish, and perhaps moving a bit slower on certain assignments because I don't have the energy. When I get to work in the morning I feel tired and sluggish.

She has also alluded that I'm not showing enough enthusiasm for my job anymore. Perhaps I'm not as enthusiastic about my job lately because all I hear are criticisms, and never anything positive about the good work I do. I also feel very burned out due to not having very much vacation time.

I've debated whether or not to look for a new job, but I don't realistically think I will find something better. I'm not sure what I can do to cope with my boss's criticisms, and I dread going to work every day. I also don't know how to feel less drained and sluggish all the time. On the weekends, I tend to need a lot of time to recover from the week.

[Anonymous]

I quit a job like that. You say you won't find better..... I don't hear anything about what's better

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it's time for something new. Brush off the 'ol resume and put it out there.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I would love to quit, but honestly I don't think I will find anything better. I really don't because I've been casually looking for a few months, and I know the job market for my field very well. It's a very tight job market. I feel like I need to just cope with this somehow. Maybe feeling appreciated at work is too much to ask for?

[Anonymous]

Ok - here's what I would do. Switch up your diet/exercise/sleep routine a bit. You need to get rid of that sluggishness. Are you taking a multivitamin? Maybe add some B-12?

Pick a week when you can put in a little bit of extra time and get caught up a bit. Clean up your desk. Reorganize things a bit. Basically - make some small changes that might indicate to your boss that you're trying. This is not acquiescence to her criticism - it's trying to turn over a fresh leaf.

While I'm not saying that you're doing a bad job, it also seems like you're in a rut, and your boss has picked up on that. Why would she appreciate you when you are sluggish and unenthusiastic? It's a cycle - and you can take steps to break it. Her negative criticism might well dissipate if she sees you making efforts to turn things around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok - here's what I would do. Switch up your diet/exercise/sleep routine a bit. You need to get rid of that sluggishness. Are you taking a multivitamin? Maybe add some B-12?

Pick a week when you can put in a little bit of extra time and get caught up a bit. Clean up your desk. Reorganize things a bit. Basically - make some small changes that might indicate to your boss that you're trying. This is not acquiescence to her criticism - it's trying to turn over a fresh leaf.

While I'm not saying that you're doing a bad job, it also seems like you're in a rut, and your boss has picked up on that. Why would she appreciate you when you are sluggish and unenthusiastic? It's a cycle - and you can take steps to break it. Her negative criticism might well dissipate if she sees you making efforts to turn things around.

OP here. These are good suggestions. I do take a multivitamin--pre-natal. I sleep between 8-9 hours per night. Exercise=none. Diet is pretty good.

I agree with your suggestion about making some of these changes, but at the same time, I am now pretty annoyed and feeling defensive about all the criticism from my boss (today's criticism particularly annoyed me). She's a total micromanager, which I used to be able to cope with, but now all the constant reminders and checking up on me is really irritating me. Today's criticism (which was particularly harsh) made me not want to bother trying to work hard anymore.

[Anonymous]

This is the PP to whom you just responded. The thing is, you can't change your boss's behavior. You can change your own outlook/effort/attitude. And - when things are in a better place - you can then talk with her about how her micromanagement makes you feel. But when you're both in a bad place, that won't work at all.

So - even though it sucks - I really think you have to work on turning things around on your end first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has also alluded that I'm not showing enough enthusiasm for my job anymore. Perhaps I'm not as enthusiastic about my job lately because all I hear are criticisms, and never anything positive about the good work I do. I also feel very burned out due to not having very much vacation time.

Oh gosh, either you have my old job or really the date on the post is six months ago. You are so tired you probably can't find the energy to update your résumé. Start small and make sure you are getting job postings. Either you will be inspired by a job posting or get so ticked off one day you will do what it takes to get your résumé up to date and start applying to jobs.

Bottom line is you can't make someone love you but you can get people to respect you. Make sure you are doing a good job estimating how long assignments take, keep a list on a wipe board in your cube of what you are working on and when a new hot item comes up, ask which item on the board can be put on hold ...leaving the implication that something either gets a delayed timeframe or a new resource since human cloning isn't possible yet. If you get assignments electronically make sure there is a priority list that people agree to. Even when busy, take the time to give status updates so people see progress and get a heads up on roadblocks ..it's not just radio silence then surprise I'm not done.

I've learned to delicately make sure I'm not assigned to everything. "Wow, we have two high priority assignments due at the same time, I can take X, who can take Y?" "John, I'm working on getting the drop everything assignment due to the muckety muck by the end of the week and Mary just emailed me this issue. I've gone ahead and created the problem ticket/tracking ticket and assigned it to you to triage. If no one else is able to get to it, I'll be happy to take a look at it next week." It's not a matter of time management like you said, it is the " how you say things" and the perception you give. I learned the hard way if you take on everything in an effort not to appear helpless or anything less than capable and you don't learn the right way to make sure you aren't overloaded, in the end you will disappoint people even more and people will say, "but why didnt you tell us, we figured you would let us know if you needed help, we got the estimates from you ..etc." Not that organizations can always get more resources, but they need incentive and a business case before it is even a possibility. If you are willingly taking on 1.5 jobs and it isn't an organization wide thing where everyone is doing atleast 1.5 jobs, why would your organization even consider getting help ..either externally or internally from someone that isn't at full utilization?

I don't know if you can turn things around but I always remember that Eleanor Roosevelt quote " No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". It is better to work for naturally nice and appreciative people, but it isn't a bad skill to know how to make sure you don't get taken advantage of at work.

[Anonymous]

PP, I've also learned with the micromanager, you need to make sure you do a breakdown of the assignment and walk thru what is expected for the deliverable and the steps to get there. First, a lot of time he/she assumes the assignment is a lot quicker than it really is or you think it needs to be this elaborate detailed thing and they want high level at this stage. Also, if something will take 2 weeks, he/she will want checkpoints along the way so they can know the minute the dates may slip and report back to management and/or look into reallocating work/more resources. Yes, it can feel like you barely have time to do your job much less think about, document, and discuss how you will do the job and report back constantly what percent is done but making that time will make a difference.

[Anonymous]

I would add that it might help to lower your expectations as to what you are going to get out of work, at least in this job. It's a job, you do the work and get paid. If you get appreciation and praise, that's gravy but don't expect it or you're setting yourself up for disappointment and resentment. BTDT.

And if you're done with this job, do as PPs suggested and clear off your desk and maintain that until you leave so that you leave on a positive note, and start looking more than casually. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to love my job, but in the last 6 months or so I've started to dread it. A big part of this is my boss. I feel like she piles on a ton of work, then criticizes me for not having good time management skills. Lately she's started to say this once a week or so--that I don't have good time management skills. My time management skills are good but I have more work than I can reasonably get done in a regular work day, and I have discussed this with her. I have also felt very drained in the last 6 months. I'm drained, feel sluggish, and perhaps moving a bit slower on certain assignments because I don't have the energy. When I get to work in the morning I feel tired and sluggish.

She has also alluded that I'm not showing enough enthusiasm for my job anymore. Perhaps I'm not as enthusiastic about my job lately because all I hear are criticisms, and never anything positive about the good work I do. I also feel very burned out due to not having very much vacation time.

I've debated whether or not to look for a new job, but I don't realistically think I will find something better. I'm not sure what I can do to cope with my boss's criticisms, and I dread going to work every day. I also don't know how to feel less drained and sluggish all the time. On the weekends, I tend to need a lot of time to recover from the week.

This is me and I am preparing my resume as we speak.