SO: Showing R rated Movies to Young Teens
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Anonymous
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Can you spin off your own thread? I posted a while ago about a disagreement with my husband about appropriate media for young people. Because the young person in question is my step-son, the only point where I have actually been insistent is on the movies we show his friends when they are at our house. This year he is turning 14, and I made the compromise with my husband that we would show the movie if no parents had any objections to it. (Not thrilled with this compromise, but I can live with the outcome either way.)
So, in conjunction with an evite, we sent an email to the all the parents (using BCC) that basically said "At his upcoming party, Larlus would like to screen the film "Found Footage of Dismemberment 3" which is rated R. We wanted to give the parents of everyone invited a heads up, in case you had any concerns about the film. If any parent does, a PG-13 selection will be shown instead. All responses confidential!" Now, I can tell that 22 of the 25 invitees have read the evite. However, with a week to go to the party, we've received 5RSVP's and only two reponses to the email. (one saying the movie was fine. One weak no that said if they were the only objecting parent then they would reconsider) So, I just wanted to pick brains about what might be going through people's heads. Possible ideas: 1) People are just crummy about responding to emails/RSVPS 2) People are assuming we are fine with the movie and feel awkward about disagreeing. They will just not come to the party. Any other thoughts? Was this a really dumb idea? I have to admit, I was just tired of having this disagreement every single time there's a sleepover. |
Anonymous
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I’m the mom of a 13 yr old DS. (just turned 13). I would absolutely object to this, and have actually been (mildly) upset in the past with PG-13 movies when he was 10 or 11 when parents didn’t even bother to ask us. The problem you have is that the invitation and act of selecting this movie already implies that you think it’s appropriate/ok, so only the very bold or those that know you well are likely to say anything. And of course they have their sons pitching fits or begging behind the scenes.
The lack of response is probably a combination of 1 and 2. We just have a blanket rule that we only show appropriately rated movies, regardless of our personal opinion on subject matter/content. Too personal and varies too much for each family—we have no problems with nudity/sex scenes in movies, but do with violence. Some families are the opposite. Sorry, not that helpful—it’s a tough one. Easier in the old days where the theaters themselves controlled access! |
Anonymous
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My kids have seen R movies at that age but I wouldn't show them at a birthday party. I've gaged their maturity and what movies are acceptable and that is particular to them. I would have no problem showing a PG-13 movie to kids that age. I wouldn't show PG-13 to younger kids at a party.
Parents are bad about RSVPing but you also put them on the spot. It shouldn't be on them to object. Change the movie and resend the evite, letting them know. |
Anonymous
| I'd change the movie and let parents know. Putting it on the parents to give the R rated movie a thumbs up or down is just too awkward. |
Anonymous
| I would decline because if your family thinks that movie is okay for that age group, then who knows what else you think is ok. I wouldn't even object because it is your house, your party, you can do what you want. The PG13 movie could be a poor choice too. So I would probably read it, close the box, and forget to rsvp no until later. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
Ugh. It seems like my husband have this disagreement every birthday (when Call of Duty is requested), every Christmas, every party. As the step, the only time I insist is when other kids are involved. And, i admit, I'm tired of it. (It's different than constantly setting limits with my own kid. I don't know if that is obvious or not) So, I suppose I was hoping there would be more negative reponses from other parents, so I didn't have to constantly be in the position of being the uptight stepmom disagreeing with cool dad. However, I guess the main goal is being served, no kids will see the movie unless their parents are ok with sending them to the party. I'm hoping my husband can read between the lines if there is a really low turnout. |
Anonymous
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It's his birthday party. You gave parents the heads-up. Your work is done. People suck at RSVPs and I'm betting everyone else is fine with the movie and therefore felt their non-response to your email meant "I do not have a problem with this."
Just let him have his birthday party! If a parent objects, they can explain that to their kid and have that conversation in your home. By allowing your stepson to see/show the movie, your official position is that he is mature enough to handle it. It's rated R, not X. He could see it in the theater if you went with him. |
Anonymous
This isn't about the birthday party. You and your husband have stopped communicating. You're hoping he gets a message from third parties that you don;t feel comfortable delivering yourself. Is there any reason you can't say to him point blank "No one has RSVPed because the movie is making them uncomfortable." If you can't have that conversation you marriage needs counseling, or at the very least you need your own counseling. |
Anonymous
| I think it really depends on the movie -- an R rating can mean many things, and I don't know this movie, but I also think that many young teens have seen R movies. I remember taking my 11 yr old daughter to see The Soloist, rated R, but it was perfectly appropriate for her and me. But I agree with one of the earlier posters that I would not show this movie (or any R) at a bday party, and I suspect you will get complaints if you do, despite the lack of rsvps. |
Anonymous
| I kind of hope nobody shows. I don't want your stepson to be sad, but I want your husband to get a clue. |
Anonymous
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Nobody wants to be the parent publicly telling another parent that their 14 yr old can't watch scary movies without wetting the bed from nightmares that night. Nobody trusts that information to stay confidential.
Just let him watch R-rated movies if that's okay with you. Tell them to find a non R movie or another activity when friends are over. |
Anonymous
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That's a real movie?!?! Wow. You must have made that up, right?
I allow my 13 year old to see an R rated movie occasionally, depending on the movie and with one of us going with him, but I wouldn't do it for a birthday party either. |
Anonymous
I don't think she did. And her son's name is really Larlus. 
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Anonymous
| Oh right, Larlus. Duh. |
Anonymous
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I have a feeling that even if only one child comes your DH will find a way not to see the movie as the cause.
Not all R movies are created equal and the one you mention sounds particularly gruesome. There is no way my child would attend a party where the main entertainment is watching people be dismembered. As a parent I would either not RSVP (and not show) or just say no. I wouldn't tell you that I objected because sometimes (despite best efforts at confidentiality) things get out and i wouldn't want DC to be "blamed" for the first choice movie not being shown. Have you or DH actually seen the movie? I googled it to see what it was about (besides the obvious) and couldn't even get through the results because of the real crime scene photos and news articles about real people who were actually dismembered. As PP said- i would question what else would be allowed at the party if the parents intentionally showed a movie to an UNDERAGE group. To be honest I would just say that a parent objected and show the PG-13 movie. |