Adoption resources, please. Where do I start in DC?

[Anonymous]

I've had a bunch of acquaintances adopt, but no one that I know well enough to ask questions of. Can anyone provide some websites or other resources on the just-starting-to-think-about-adoption path? I live in DC and don't even know if international/domestic i the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Friends of our had good experiences with Adoptions Together. They have offices in DC, MD & VA and hold periodic information sessions at each location. They are also super helpful over the phone.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP - may I ask what has made you decide to go the adoption route vs donor egg? I'm struggling with this decision right now and would appreciate hearing someone else's thought process. Thanks in advance!

[Anonymous]

PP, for us it was this question: I know I want to be a parent and have a family. If I have that, is it important that I'm passing on my genes? And it turned out that I didn't think it was important at all.

[Anonymous]

I can tell you my thought process on adoption vs donor egg--the statistics and timeline on donor egg are much more encouraging.

I did just lose a donor egg pregnancy. Heart is still shattered. But my odds are STILL very high, unless post-healing testing shows that something has changed.

I read so so so many adoption stories of failed adoptions, the heartbreak involved. . . it is not an easy path.

I will not be genetically related either way. But since the odds are higher for success with donor egg, it's faster, and I am able to carry it, I've decided on this route. I could end up having to adopt--with donor egg I do get my money back if it doesn't work, so . . . I chose to go after the donor egg first.

I have to tell you, I loved that baby so much from the moment I felt the nausea that made me sure I'd get the BFP. From the moment Shady Grove gave me the embryo picture, actually. And after I saw the heartbeat, I talked to him/her everyday. Asked about what it liked to eat, assured it that chocolate was good for both of us, told him/her about the plans I had for us, the cousins that were waiting. . . so the question of love is a non-question--my child IS my child. But for me, the odds favored, and still favor, donor egg, with a similar if not actually cheaper price tag, depending on how/if it works.

No matter which way you go, the end result is a joy. How, and how fast you want it, is the question. And if you're younger than me, perhaps adoption is the faster option. So your personal circumstances and "qualifications" for each choice will make a difference in your decision.

May we both be holding our babies soon.

[Anonymous]

We went the China route, b/c I did not want any back-outs, change of minds from BM, change in political situation to affect or reverse adoptions (China is the longest-lasting, unchanging, stable program out there for international adoption). Yes, the children are mostly labeled with some sort of SN, but many are very do-able. We have adopted one DD from China with a repaired cl/cp and are currently waiting for another. You can pick and choose which SNs you can and cannot handle, so you can research what your medical insurance will cover, take into account your home and lifestyle (eg we live in a townhome, so have a lot of steps, so we could not have a child with mobility issues) -- things like this.

We went thru the Barker Foundation, for both #1 and currently #2. We have selected a host of other SNs we are open to and are just waiting to see what God/the universe/etc. presents to us! It is kind of exciting, actually!

Good luck!
Anyway, best of luck to you. . .

[Anonymous]

Why would adoption be a faster than a donor egg if you are younger?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would adoption be a faster than a donor egg if you are younger?

Not the OP, but not sure who you are addressing here, as it doesn't seem like anyone mentioned that as a potential benefit of adoption vs donor egg? (?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, for us it was this question: I know I want to be a parent and have a family. If I have that, is it important that I'm passing on my genes? And it turned out that I didn't think it was important at all.

OP, that's how we felt too. And once we realized we did not care about that, it didn't seem like we wanted to go through any machinations just to ensure that the child was biologically related to one of us vs the other. That to us seemed too convoluted. If it wasn't going to be related to both of us -- and be the "synergy" of our two combined biological material -- then happily off we went down the adoption route. Well, best of luck to you as you pursue adoption!

[Anonymous]

There is an adoption workshop in McLean on May 18th that's being offered by a local non-profit, Families for Private Adoption (FPA). This is for domestic, private (i.e. independent) adoption specifically. The goal of the workshop is to share knowledge and encouragement with prospective parents (singles, traditional couples, same-sex couples - anyone who can be home study approved for adoption). I attended this workshop a few years ago and we succeeded in adopting our son several months later. All details on this adoption workshop can be found at www.ffpa.org.

[Anonymous]

I looked into adoption, though didn't end up going that route. I went to a seminar hosted by RESOLVE and got a lot of great info on both agency and private adoption. You could check their website and see if they have one coming up. I also went to a session at the Barker Foundation (adoption agency) in Bethesda and found it very informative. They covered info on both domestic and international adoptions in their session.