Was I married to a stranger? Even socialites get ghosted. Modern Love!

[Anonymous]

I’m not from the husbands camp. I’ve never heard of these ppl. But I read the book as I experienced something similar but had absolutely no money or family connection to get me through.
Boo hoo belle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a classic midlife crisis. Sounds a lot like the husband in Maggie Smith’s divorce memoir. My ex husband also had a midlife crisis but no affair, instead he basically admitted he had gay fantasies. But when I left him he doubled down so much on the perfect husband/father schtick that he even convinced my parents I was the bad one. So now he has my parents and I have a different life. But at least my current partner actually likes me (and women).

It’s midlife crisis meets the Talented Mr. Ripley given that the ex-husband was predatory from the beginning with the love bombing, rushed engagement, pressure to sign an unfair prenup, ongoing financial abuse, and continued leveraging of her family and social connections. Fox in the henhouse where the fox eventually dropped his rooster mask.

NP- It was pretty obvious to me to the guy was a sociopath of sorts. But I wonder if many readers felt that way? It came through to me through the various points you mention, yet throughout the book she seems oblivious to it and in denial, even saying at the end she doesn't want to know if there were other affairs. She came off as a naive person so wrapped in her privilege she cannot handle big revelations about how fake her marriage was from the start or be honest with herself about it all. It was also interesting how much time she spent pondering petty and trivial things like who at the club said exactly the right thing to her and who did not.

While she is somewhat tone-deaf about her privilege, I think this tendency to fixate on seemingly unimportant minutia is really human.

I experienced a huge betrayal and humiliation a while back, and despite going through therapy and rebuilding my life, sometimes when I am visited by thoughts that touch on what happened, my brain will do ANYTHING to avoid actually thinking about it or feeling it. I know what happened, I'm not an idiot, but sometimes it's very painful to confront it directly and feel even a little piece of the shame associated with it. I can do that in therapy but not randomly in my everyday life, and certainly not publicly in front of the world.

Recently I was in a doctor's office and discovered a person who knows the person who betrayed me worked there, and my brain did these insane gymnastics just to get through the appointment, just anything to avoid really thinking about it. And after I left, you know what I thought about? Worrying that person will tell other people in that doctor's office about what happened, and I'd be freshly humiliated in front of a whole new group of strangers, and I had to find a new doctor. Yes those are petty, unimportant thoughts in the grand scheme of things, but that's just how your brain works and protects you from the weight of really awful events in your life.

But this person you say betrayed you, sounds like a big deal and not that unimportant. It's not like the person just made one wrong comment to you, or like an acquaintance said nothing to you at all because perhaps they did not feel it was their place, and then you wrote a book and called them out on it. That is the level of pettiness she rises to, making a list of who said and did what and how this was support and this wasn't, or it wasn't the right sort of support...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a classic midlife crisis. Sounds a lot like the husband in Maggie Smith’s divorce memoir. My ex husband also had a midlife crisis but no affair, instead he basically admitted he had gay fantasies. But when I left him he doubled down so much on the perfect husband/father schtick that he even convinced my parents I was the bad one. So now he has my parents and I have a different life. But at least my current partner actually likes me (and women).

It’s midlife crisis meets the Talented Mr. Ripley given that the ex-husband was predatory from the beginning with the love bombing, rushed engagement, pressure to sign an unfair prenup, ongoing financial abuse, and continued leveraging of her family and social connections. Fox in the henhouse where the fox eventually dropped his rooster mask.

NP- It was pretty obvious to me to the guy was a sociopath of sorts. But I wonder if many readers felt that way? It came through to me through the various points you mention, yet throughout the book she seems oblivious to it and in denial, even saying at the end she doesn't want to know if there were other affairs. She came off as a naive person so wrapped in her privilege she cannot handle big revelations about how fake her marriage was from the start or be honest with herself about it all. It was also interesting how much time she spent pondering petty and trivial things like who at the club said exactly the right thing to her and who did not.

I completely agree that he was a sociopath.

[Anonymous]

When people are blindsided by this, are they willfully ignoring the signs (and what signs are they?) or are some men really that skilled at hiding what they truly feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet he had a coldness to him that she chose to ignore because he was a hot accomplished lawyer. Don’t blame her though, I would have ignored it too.

I hope you mean "hot" in the successful sense, because this guy isn't good looking at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The humble brag about losing 20 lbs was annoying
Yeah, I don't feel so sorry for her. She'll be fine, he was probably an ass anyway.

I know right? Everyone else gained at least 20 over the pandemic

I'm not losing sleep over this woman's life but it is peak DCUM to decide a person doesn't deserve empathy because she lost weight at a time when you gained weight. Get over yourself! It's not the point, and also some people do lose weight when under extreme stress and trust me, it is NEVER fun. It usually means you are not eating or sleeping at all. I lost 10 pounds once during an incredibly stressful time and the only reason I was aware of it was that a few of my friends kept telling "but you look sooooo great" when I confided in them how much I was struggling.

Don't be dense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I was named Flobelle I'd go by Flo over Belle. Or possibly just embrace the wacky full name because I have enough money not to care. I think her choice of nick name suggests she cares a lot about how she is perceived, more than most.

Her fixation on having a "perfect" marriage, when it was obviously far from it, indicates that as well.

Do we know that she chose her own nn? Could it be her parents chose it because of its similarity to her grandmother’s name?