Vicious cycle of stress while potty training, should we take ANOTHER break?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We potty trained at 24 months (she is now 27 months; baby is due when my daughter is 28 months) and it took her a few weeks to get peeing about 6 weeks until she "mastered" pooping. I read in the book crib sheet that child potty trained before 2.5 take on average take 10 months and children potty trained after 2.5 take on average 6 or 7 months. I know Oh Crap works for some people, but I think that the idea that potty training is a sprint that can be gritted out doesn't really hold up for many of us (or at least in my experience).

When my daughter started holding in her poop (I know your issue is pee) we backed off a lot. We didn't want to create a medical issue and we didn't want to give her a complex about it. That helped a lot. By backing off I don't mean that we went back to diapers. We kept her in underwear, but we stopped asking all the time "do you have to pee/poop" and we also just accepted that accidents were going to happen. When she had an accident instead of saying "Honey, why didn't you tell me?" we were just like "It's ok, accidents happen. Let me know next time when you have to go pee" or something like that. We stopped being so corrective.

Also, we told her (at the suggestion of someone on here) about a poop family that all wanted to be together. Now she'll say "I made a mommy poop, a daddy poop, and a baby poop." I think it's all disgusting, but I try not to give off that vibe when speaking about poop. She's very privacy oriented, so when she poops/pees she'll close the door, go to the bathroom, flush the toilet, and wipe. We have a little portable toilet that we bring around (you can get bags) for trips to the playground or road trips.

Hopefully something in here that I wrote will help you on this journey. It will all work out. Good luck!

It took my almost 3.5 year old < 1 month. Honestly 2-3 weeks. 10 months is not worth the squeeze for anyone.

Yep. We trained my oldest just before he turned 3. He was done in a day. My youngest started at 2. It took YEARS. He pooped in a pull up for TWO YEARS after that.

OP. Just stop. She isn’t ready, and neither are you. Give it another try in 2-3 months.

This is just so kid dependent. We did oh crap at 23 months and my son never had a pee accident after about 4 days in, had one poop accident about two months later during his first week at a new school because he was nervous to tell the teacher I think, literally never again. I think he did have one per accident a few weeks after our younger son was born and I was legit confused because he had just never had accidents after we did the week long approach. But that’s not because we are some amazing parents or because oh crap is perfect. 23 months worked for my kid and his temperament clearly does well with potty training. I just think there isn’t a perfect age because kids are so different.

So sorry op I read your update. It does sound like it’s about control so like you said I would just kind of give it to her. Act like this is a non issue for you and maybe just stop talking about it. If she pees in her pants really nonchalantly say pee in the toilet when you need to go, clean her up with her help and move on. I’m just spitballing here but that’s the best I can think of

[Anonymous]

OP here: we managed to get her back in pullups. I thinks he loved the freedom of being naked and now doesn't want to go back, who can blame her! We got her some bigger pullups. I'm going to put the potties away for a few weeks and then try again with all these tips and being VERY relaxed about it. Not sure how to handle with preschool but we will figure that out. Thank you all so much!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We potty trained at 24 months (she is now 27 months; baby is due when my daughter is 28 months) and it took her a few weeks to get peeing about 6 weeks until she "mastered" pooping. I read in the book crib sheet that child potty trained before 2.5 take on average take 10 months and children potty trained after 2.5 take on average 6 or 7 months. I know Oh Crap works for some people, but I think that the idea that potty training is a sprint that can be gritted out doesn't really hold up for many of us (or at least in my experience).

When my daughter started holding in her poop (I know your issue is pee) we backed off a lot. We didn't want to create a medical issue and we didn't want to give her a complex about it. That helped a lot. By backing off I don't mean that we went back to diapers. We kept her in underwear, but we stopped asking all the time "do you have to pee/poop" and we also just accepted that accidents were going to happen. When she had an accident instead of saying "Honey, why didn't you tell me?" we were just like "It's ok, accidents happen. Let me know next time when you have to go pee" or something like that. We stopped being so corrective.

Also, we told her (at the suggestion of someone on here) about a poop family that all wanted to be together. Now she'll say "I made a mommy poop, a daddy poop, and a baby poop." I think it's all disgusting, but I try not to give off that vibe when speaking about poop. She's very privacy oriented, so when she poops/pees she'll close the door, go to the bathroom, flush the toilet, and wipe. We have a little portable toilet that we bring around (you can get bags) for trips to the playground or road trips.

Hopefully something in here that I wrote will help you on this journey. It will all work out. Good luck!

It took my almost 3.5 year old < 1 month. Honestly 2-3 weeks. 10 months is not worth the squeeze for anyone.

NP - same here. Mine resisted for the longest time but I finally got serious with him around 3.5 and it clicked almost immediately.

I have a friend who’s daughter is 6 months younger than my son and she had always been telling me her daughter was potty training by 2, but then I recently found out she still poops in a diaper, and she’s over 3.

So no need to fret OP. Don’t make it traumatic for your kid, it will only backfire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not 3. Wait till she's 3

I took this advice from DCUM and DD is three and eight months and still will only poop in a diaper standing behind the couch.

I should have followed the “do it before 24 months” crowd.

+1 There are posters here's who believe their child's experience is every child's experience. Some who believe if you potty train at 20 months it will only take 2 days and others who think if you wait until after 3 it will only take 2 days, they basically potty train themselves. But for most people potty training is just going to suck for a while until they get it. Given how much more willful my 28 month old is now versus at 27 months when we trained I buy that if you do any kind of intensive potty training 20-30 months is probably a good window of opportunity.

Any kid who trains in 2 days was needlessly soiling themselves for at least 6 months longer than necessary.

Where do you get the crystal ball that tells you a child is ready to potty train in 2 days? I would like one.

You're the mom. You are (should be) in charge. Before disposable diapers the average baby was trained by 18 months.

NP. So, you think that because you are MOM, you decide exactly when your dc is ready to potty train, and to train in the 2 days you allot them?

Hahahahahaha in other words, your only kid happened to train early and quick, and you think all subsequent children of yours and everyone else's dc's will do the same because MOM decides it???

[Anonymous]

With my oldest kid, it took a full month. We only did a few days of no bottoms, and then started putting him in clothes that were easy to take off and just putting him on the potty every hour or so. We tried all the rewards (stickers, treats, etc.), and I gave him all the juice, and we read all the books and watched all the shows. He would routinely sit on the potty for 30 minutes watching Thomas or whatever. He did not have a single success for the month. I stayed pretty matter-of-fact about it, just cleaning up every accident.

Finally, one morning, he got it. He sat on the potty and peed, and it was like he understood. He peed on the potty numerous times the rest of the day, and he had almost no accidents ever again.

In his case, it was really that he just didn't get the mechanics. It wasn't about control or anxiety or anything else. He just couldn't figure out how to do it, and once he did, he repeated his new skill over and over again.

He was almost exactly 2.5, and I persisted because I was in this magical phase where I was working from home for just a few months with a babysitter coming over in the mornings who was willing to help with the potty training, and I had a new baby on the way. Basically, we had to figure it out. Knowing how it turned out, I'm glad I stuck with it, but I'm sure I would totally regret it if it had made my kid anxious or resentful or anything else.

Anyway, I started and finished a similar thread on here about it, so I'll see if I can find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With my oldest kid, it took a full month. We only did a few days of no bottoms, and then started putting him in clothes that were easy to take off and just putting him on the potty every hour or so. We tried all the rewards (stickers, treats, etc.), and I gave him all the juice, and we read all the books and watched all the shows. He would routinely sit on the potty for 30 minutes watching Thomas or whatever. He did not have a single success for the month. I stayed pretty matter-of-fact about it, just cleaning up every accident.

Finally, one morning, he got it. He sat on the potty and peed, and it was like he understood. He peed on the potty numerous times the rest of the day, and he had almost no accidents ever again.

In his case, it was really that he just didn't get the mechanics. It wasn't about control or anxiety or anything else. He just couldn't figure out how to do it, and once he did, he repeated his new skill over and over again.

He was almost exactly 2.5, and I persisted because I was in this magical phase where I was working from home for just a few months with a babysitter coming over in the mornings who was willing to help with the potty training, and I had a new baby on the way. Basically, we had to figure it out. Knowing how it turned out, I'm glad I stuck with it, but I'm sure I would totally regret it if it had made my kid anxious or resentful or anything else.

Anyway, I started and finished a similar thread on here about it, so I'll see if I can find it.

Found my thread! My story is at the beginning and the (almost) end.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/571650.page#9252656

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here who has potty trained ten DS before two and helped many others.

First, breathe. You’re anxious so she is anxious.

Second, stop telling her to try the potty. At 2.5, wait for her to initiate.

Third, get a see thru bag and fill it with rewards. Good rewards! I’m talking little figures or hot wheels cars; sticker for books, new crayons (the silky crayons with the caps are great); little slinky; little tubs of play doh, etc) and she gets to pick one for pee in the potty and two for poop.

Fourth, when she pees on the floor say, “you opened the little door inside and peed”. Talk about releasing pee-pee and how it’s different than pushing out poo-poos. Just smile and say next time open your little door inside when you’re on the potty to get a reward from the bag.

Fifth, don’t go back to diapers. It really does send the wrong message and gives her a feeling of failure. Just keep gently, calmly, and optimistic you moving forward.

Dear God the little door inside?!? No. Please use appropriate language. Vulva vagina urethra anus. Explain how pee comes out. Show a video. Make a science experiment. For all the cheese and crackers do not make a two and a half year old think she has a door inside her.
If you don't use weird labels for other body parts please do not use them for uro genital parts.
Yes people understand what she's talking about if she's referencing in the context of p but it is so important for both little girls and little boys to know about their body and how it works with correct terms.
.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think maturity and self-motivation helps. So time. And candy.

+1 We didn't even start potty training til our kid was 2.75. And we did it with M&Ms. It was quick.

[Anonymous]

You do need to be consistent and devoted to it. You admit consistency hasn’t been quite there when training so really that’s the key. If you’re not consistent in training her how can you expect her to be consistent in staying dry, right? I would not go back to diapers again. I’d really double down with the training and consistency, rewards, sticker chart, timed intervals for trying, etc. Make every step a success — sticker for sitting, sticker for saying she needed to go, sticker for going, sticker for flushing etc. Once she begins to have success you can scale back on the prizes, but a big celebration for all small steps may be the ticket right now. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

These threads always make me scratch my head. They inevitably skew so far toward the “just wait until 3.5” crowd. I’ve worked with and potty trained DOZENS of kids (probably some of your kids, DCUM), and almost all of them can do it at 2. My own kid (typical boy) started wearing training pants at 18 mos. Sure, we had “accidents,” but that’s how kids learn. And by 2, we were totally done with diapers—even at night. The amount of stress that most DCUMs have related to potty training is way out of proportion. Potty training is usually messy Ann’s non-limeade, but any typically-developing NT child can learn this skill by 2. OP, pick a consistent approach and unclench a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These threads always make me scratch my head. They inevitably skew so far toward the “just wait until 3.5” crowd. I’ve worked with and potty trained DOZENS of kids (probably some of your kids, DCUM), and almost all of them can do it at 2. My own kid (typical boy) started wearing training pants at 18 mos. Sure, we had “accidents,” but that’s how kids learn. And by 2, we were totally done with diapers—even at night. The amount of stress that most DCUMs have related to potty training is way out of proportion. Potty training is usually messy Ann’s non-limeade, but any typically-developing NT child can learn this skill by 2. OP, pick a consistent approach and unclench a little.

*messy and non-linear... lol