Vicious cycle of stress while potty training, should we take ANOTHER break?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Throw away the diapers/pull ups/absorbent underwear/any other name for diaper.

Put your kid in underwear and pants.

How old are you

[Anonymous]

Ikea has a potty with a removable insert, maybe she would pee standing up in that. Or have her pee standing in the shower.

[Anonymous]

Nanny here who has potty trained ten DS before two and helped many others.

First, breathe. You’re anxious so she is anxious.

Second, stop telling her to try the potty. At 2.5, wait for her to initiate.

Third, get a see thru bag and fill it with rewards. Good rewards! I’m talking little figures or hot wheels cars; sticker for books, new crayons (the silky crayons with the caps are great); little slinky; little tubs of play doh, etc) and she gets to pick one for pee in the potty and two for poop.

Fourth, when she pees on the floor say, “you opened the little door inside and peed”. Talk about releasing pee-pee and how it’s different than pushing out poo-poos. Just smile and say next time open your little door inside when you’re on the potty to get a reward from the bag.

Fifth, don’t go back to diapers. It really does send the wrong message and gives her a feeling of failure. Just keep gently, calmly, and optimistic you moving forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is just over 2.5. We tried to do Oh Crap last Christmas but I was also nursing a baby and it was a disaster. We are trying again now (modified Oh Crap) and it's not going well. It's been two weeks of staying home with no bottoms on. We have had some success, mostly with poop ironically, but it's generally her holding it, refusing to pee on the potty and the peeing the second she stands up. She is anxious about peeing on the potty so she holds it, becomes uncomfortable, gets more anxious and it's spiraling. I am trying to keep is low key but it's hard when she's screaming and won't go near the potty. I don't want to make this worse, but will it only get worse the longer we wait? We have tried all the tricks- everything involving water, blowing bubbles, tickling etc. She is a pretty anxious toddler in general.

She isnt ready. Dont make it a stressful thing. Back off for months. This is about control. She is withholding to maintain control. You can either say something like you know what? You are telling me that you arent ready even though I am ready for you to use the potty but this is about you not me. Lets try this another time.
And then dont mention it.
Then start in a few weeks with some new books. Talk about how every month you guys are going to get new books and Slip a potty book in to each delivery.
Start reading about it and then only talk about it if she asks. Let her see you and spouse/partner/trusted adult go to the bathroom on a regular basis. Then encourage trying the potty even with a pullup on. Then offer pullups or underwear and remind her that underwear means that you have to go into the potty. It wont catch your urine. Make a fun experiment of pouring water into a pullup vs underwear to show her the difference.

I'm the PP above who had multiple terrible potty training tries before finally getting some progress at 3.5, and I just wanted to highlight that these suggestions are really good. We really had to take ALL the pressure off potty training and almost totally stop talking about it for a while to get our kid to kind of "reset". And when we started up again, we changed our tone completely. No pushing at all, if she said she wanted to wear a pull up we never fought her. We'd just let her know that meant she'd have to change her own pull up for pee (we'd help for poop but she still did a lot of it). And then when we'd change her we'd say "It will be nice when you decide to use the potty because we won't have to take such a long break to change your pull up. You'll be able to just go back to playing." Stuff like that. But just as info, never as a form of pressure. Trying to put deadlines around things or push her towards using the potty just always made it worse and set us back.

It's hard because you will get pressure from other people (family, friends, teachers) and it's really hard not to pass that pressure on to your kid. But I just learned that doing so didn't work. Putting them in charge looks indulgent to outsiders because they don't understand what it's like to be on Day 20 of trying to potty train an child who becomes anxious and tearful at the suggestion of anything related to using the potty.

This is OP, thank you for all of your feedback but especially to the PP above, this is 100% our situation. She also loves learning new things but is a perfectionist (didn't talk till she could say complete sentences) and also an anxious kid. I feel like she can sense us being stressed so she's stressed. I think we need a reset for a few weeks. It's just had because she has had some success and I don't know if we should just stay the course...but this seems to be getting worse. She was doing better at the beginning when it was new, again.

We have tried bribes, stuffed animals, screen time, no screen time. I think part of the problem is that we have been inconsistent. She is a kid who needs a lot of consistence and stability and I think maybe in a few weeks we can be more consistent. Only problem is she's starting preschool and I don't want to throw too much at her, which is why we wanted to do this now.

You need some toilet humor. Everyone Poops by Taro Gomi is a start. Make plenty of farting noises.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We potty trained at 24 months (she is now 27 months; baby is due when my daughter is 28 months) and it took her a few weeks to get peeing about 6 weeks until she "mastered" pooping. I read in the book crib sheet that child potty trained before 2.5 take on average take 10 months and children potty trained after 2.5 take on average 6 or 7 months. I know Oh Crap works for some people, but I think that the idea that potty training is a sprint that can be gritted out doesn't really hold up for many of us (or at least in my experience).

When my daughter started holding in her poop (I know your issue is pee) we backed off a lot. We didn't want to create a medical issue and we didn't want to give her a complex about it. That helped a lot. By backing off I don't mean that we went back to diapers. We kept her in underwear, but we stopped asking all the time "do you have to pee/poop" and we also just accepted that accidents were going to happen. When she had an accident instead of saying "Honey, why didn't you tell me?" we were just like "It's ok, accidents happen. Let me know next time when you have to go pee" or something like that. We stopped being so corrective.

Also, we told her (at the suggestion of someone on here) about a poop family that all wanted to be together. Now she'll say "I made a mommy poop, a daddy poop, and a baby poop." I think it's all disgusting, but I try not to give off that vibe when speaking about poop. She's very privacy oriented, so when she poops/pees she'll close the door, go to the bathroom, flush the toilet, and wipe. We have a little portable toilet that we bring around (you can get bags) for trips to the playground or road trips.

Hopefully something in here that I wrote will help you on this journey. It will all work out. Good luck!

It took my almost 3.5 year old < 1 month. Honestly 2-3 weeks. 10 months is not worth the squeeze for anyone.

Yep. We trained my oldest just before he turned 3. He was done in a day. My youngest started at 2. It took YEARS. He pooped in a pull up for TWO YEARS after that.

OP. Just stop. She isn’t ready, and neither are you. Give it another try in 2-3 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We potty trained at 24 months (she is now 27 months; baby is due when my daughter is 28 months) and it took her a few weeks to get peeing about 6 weeks until she "mastered" pooping. I read in the book crib sheet that child potty trained before 2.5 take on average take 10 months and children potty trained after 2.5 take on average 6 or 7 months. I know Oh Crap works for some people, but I think that the idea that potty training is a sprint that can be gritted out doesn't really hold up for many of us (or at least in my experience).

When my daughter started holding in her poop (I know your issue is pee) we backed off a lot. We didn't want to create a medical issue and we didn't want to give her a complex about it. That helped a lot. By backing off I don't mean that we went back to diapers. We kept her in underwear, but we stopped asking all the time "do you have to pee/poop" and we also just accepted that accidents were going to happen. When she had an accident instead of saying "Honey, why didn't you tell me?" we were just like "It's ok, accidents happen. Let me know next time when you have to go pee" or something like that. We stopped being so corrective.

Also, we told her (at the suggestion of someone on here) about a poop family that all wanted to be together. Now she'll say "I made a mommy poop, a daddy poop, and a baby poop." I think it's all disgusting, but I try not to give off that vibe when speaking about poop. She's very privacy oriented, so when she poops/pees she'll close the door, go to the bathroom, flush the toilet, and wipe. We have a little portable toilet that we bring around (you can get bags) for trips to the playground or road trips.

Hopefully something in here that I wrote will help you on this journey. It will all work out. Good luck!

It took my almost 3.5 year old < 1 month. Honestly 2-3 weeks. 10 months is not worth the squeeze for anyone.

Yep. We trained my oldest just before he turned 3. He was done in a day. My youngest started at 2. It took YEARS. He pooped in a pull up for TWO YEARS after that.

OP. Just stop. She isn’t ready, and neither are you. Give it another try in 2-3 months.

OP here, so this is a fun new development...I told her that it's ok that she's not ready, we will try again later and she did great. Now she is refusing to put on a diaper or pull-up or even pants. 10/10 meltdown every time I suggest it.

I am seriously resigning myself to just cleaning up poop and pee for the next six months.

[Anonymous]

She's not 3. Wait till she's 3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here who has potty trained ten DS before two and helped many others.

First, breathe. You’re anxious so she is anxious.

Second, stop telling her to try the potty. At 2.5, wait for her to initiate.

Third, get a see thru bag and fill it with rewards. Good rewards! I’m talking little figures or hot wheels cars; sticker for books, new crayons (the silky crayons with the caps are great); little slinky; little tubs of play doh, etc) and she gets to pick one for pee in the potty and two for poop.

Fourth, when she pees on the floor say, “you opened the little door inside and peed”. Talk about releasing pee-pee and how it’s different than pushing out poo-poos. Just smile and say next time open your little door inside when you’re on the potty to get a reward from the bag.

Fifth, don’t go back to diapers. It really does send the wrong message and gives her a feeling of failure. Just keep gently, calmly, and optimistic you moving forward.

Good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's not 3. Wait till she's 3

I took this advice from DCUM and DD is three and eight months and still will only poop in a diaper standing behind the couch.

I should have followed the “do it before 24 months” crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not 3. Wait till she's 3

I took this advice from DCUM and DD is three and eight months and still will only poop in a diaper standing behind the couch.

I should have followed the “do it before 24 months” crowd.

+1 There are posters here's who believe their child's experience is every child's experience. Some who believe if you potty train at 20 months it will only take 2 days and others who think if you wait until after 3 it will only take 2 days, they basically potty train themselves. But for most people potty training is just going to suck for a while until they get it. Given how much more willful my 28 month old is now versus at 27 months when we trained I buy that if you do any kind of intensive potty training 20-30 months is probably a good window of opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Throw away the diapers/pull ups/absorbent underwear/any other name for diaper.

Put your kid in underwear and pants.

How old are you

I’m 37

I potty trained one neurotypical kid and one nonverbal autistic kid. Basically you just have to do it. The autistic boy was potty trained by taking him to the potty every hour and showing him the ASL sign for potty, then physically picking him up and putting him on the potty when he had an accident saying “Pee goes in the potty.” in a neutral tone. It was worlds easier with my child who could talk and communicate. The SN child was potty trained before age 3 and that wouldn’t have happened if we hadn’t taken away all the diapers and gone through the discomfort of cleaning up accidents and constant thinking about when he last peed and pooped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not 3. Wait till she's 3

I took this advice from DCUM and DD is three and eight months and still will only poop in a diaper standing behind the couch.

I should have followed the “do it before 24 months” crowd.

+1 There are posters here's who believe their child's experience is every child's experience. Some who believe if you potty train at 20 months it will only take 2 days and others who think if you wait until after 3 it will only take 2 days, they basically potty train themselves. But for most people potty training is just going to suck for a while until they get it. Given how much more willful my 28 month old is now versus at 27 months when we trained I buy that if you do any kind of intensive potty training 20-30 months is probably a good window of opportunity.

Any kid who trains in 2 days was needlessly soiling themselves for at least 6 months longer than necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not 3. Wait till she's 3

I took this advice from DCUM and DD is three and eight months and still will only poop in a diaper standing behind the couch.

I should have followed the “do it before 24 months” crowd.

+1 There are posters here's who believe their child's experience is every child's experience. Some who believe if you potty train at 20 months it will only take 2 days and others who think if you wait until after 3 it will only take 2 days, they basically potty train themselves. But for most people potty training is just going to suck for a while until they get it. Given how much more willful my 28 month old is now versus at 27 months when we trained I buy that if you do any kind of intensive potty training 20-30 months is probably a good window of opportunity.

Any kid who trains in 2 days was needlessly soiling themselves for at least 6 months longer than necessary.

Where do you get the crystal ball that tells you a child is ready to potty train in 2 days? I would like one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not 3. Wait till she's 3

I took this advice from DCUM and DD is three and eight months and still will only poop in a diaper standing behind the couch.

I should have followed the “do it before 24 months” crowd.

+1 There are posters here's who believe their child's experience is every child's experience. Some who believe if you potty train at 20 months it will only take 2 days and others who think if you wait until after 3 it will only take 2 days, they basically potty train themselves. But for most people potty training is just going to suck for a while until they get it. Given how much more willful my 28 month old is now versus at 27 months when we trained I buy that if you do any kind of intensive potty training 20-30 months is probably a good window of opportunity.

Any kid who trains in 2 days was needlessly soiling themselves for at least 6 months longer than necessary.

Where do you get the crystal ball that tells you a child is ready to potty train in 2 days? I would like one.

You're the mom. You are (should be) in charge. Before disposable diapers the average baby was trained by 18 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's not 3. Wait till she's 3

I took this advice from DCUM and DD is three and eight months and still will only poop in a diaper standing behind the couch.

I should have followed the “do it before 24 months” crowd.

+1 There are posters here's who believe their child's experience is every child's experience. Some who believe if you potty train at 20 months it will only take 2 days and others who think if you wait until after 3 it will only take 2 days, they basically potty train themselves. But for most people potty training is just going to suck for a while until they get it. Given how much more willful my 28 month old is now versus at 27 months when we trained I buy that if you do any kind of intensive potty training 20-30 months is probably a good window of opportunity.

Any kid who trains in 2 days was needlessly soiling themselves for at least 6 months longer than necessary.

Where do you get the crystal ball that tells you a child is ready to potty train in 2 days? I would like one.

You're the mom. You are (should be) in charge. Before disposable diapers the average baby was trained by 18 months.

Actually from what I have heard "trained by 18 months" means many kids just had a lot of accidents for a long time. Diapers seem more humane to me but you do you. Being this angry at all the other moms sounds like a you problem.