"Kids are resilient!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s because adults want to do what they want to do without being made to feel guilty about it.

Obvious.

This.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s because adults want to do what they want to do without being made to feel guilty about it.

Obvious.

This.

+2

+3. Which makes the child less resilient and insecure. I fricking hate when parents use this justification.

[Anonymous]

My observation is that many parents in the DMV have the mindset that as soon as they get their kids to Kindergarten that the hardest part of parenting is done and over with and they can return to their normal adult lives. It boggles my mind! It's not true at all. And the kids are screwed up as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My observation is that many parents in the DMV have the mindset that as soon as they get their kids to Kindergarten that the hardest part of parenting is done and over with and they can return to their normal adult lives. It boggles my mind! It's not true at all. And the kids are screwed up as a result.

The world.

[Anonymous]

I am so glad to see so many hate this sentiment as much as I do! I think it’s so dismissive and hurtful to the child.

DH died when our son was 3. I can’t tell you how many people said he’d be fine because kids are resilient. He just lost his father forever!! Can we not expect him to bounce back immediately and actually let him feel his grief?!

No 3 yr old should have to be resilient.


And, btw, 15 years later, DS is a great kid but his dad’s death didn’t make him resilient at all. It took therapy and a lot of support to get him over the painful “abandonment” and distrust.

[Anonymous]

It’s an expression, a social lubricant. What do you want people to say when they find out that you are getting divorced and moving again for the third time in as many years?
“Oh, that sounds difficult and traumatizing for your children, and will probably have an impact into their adulthood and possibly into the next generation. You know what’s easier to inherit than wealth or blue eyes? Trauma.”

No. You say, “It will be okay. Kids are resilient.”

That’s how we all live together without wanting to murder each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s an expression, a social lubricant. What do you want people to say when they find out that you are getting divorced and moving again for the third time in as many years?
“Oh, that sounds difficult and traumatizing for your children, and will probably have an impact into their adulthood and possibly into the next generation. You know what’s easier to inherit than wealth or blue eyes? Trauma.”

No. You say, “It will be okay. Kids are resilient.”

That’s how we all live together without wanting to murder each other.

Why can’t you just reassure the person without demeaning the kids’ feelings? Why lie? Just admit “That’s a hard situation” and see what you can do to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so glad to see so many hate this sentiment as much as I do! I think it’s so dismissive and hurtful to the child.

DH died when our son was 3. I can’t tell you how many people said he’d be fine because kids are resilient. He just lost his father forever!! Can we not expect him to bounce back immediately and actually let him feel his grief?!

No 3 yr old should have to be resilient.


And, btw, 15 years later, DS is a great kid but his dad’s death didn’t make him resilient at all. It took therapy and a lot of support to get him over the painful “abandonment” and distrust.

+1. No one close in heartbreak, PP, but I hated when people said that about my then 7 yr old when DH was deployed for six months. It was a surprise deployment and right after my mother, his beloved granny, died.

[Anonymous]

OP I agree 100%. Parents who say that tend to be selfish humans who just want to do whatever they hell they want, and pretend their kids aren’t suffering as a result. My mom was like that - her life was a blast and she dragged me along everywhere with very little concern for my needs. I am broken in so many ways, and whenever I hear a parent say this now I just feel sorry for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s an expression, a social lubricant. What do you want people to say when they find out that you are getting divorced and moving again for the third time in as many years?
“Oh, that sounds difficult and traumatizing for your children, and will probably have an impact into their adulthood and possibly into the next generation. You know what’s easier to inherit than wealth or blue eyes? Trauma.”

No. You say, “It will be okay. Kids are resilient.”

That’s how we all live together without wanting to murder each other.

Why can’t you just reassure the person without demeaning the kids’ feelings? Why lie? Just admit “That’s a hard situation” and see what you can do to help.

Because I don’t always want to be involved or feel obligated to help everyone.
I don’t tell kids that they should be resilient when they tell me their feelings. This is something you say to adults that you don’t know all that well.

When my cousin died, I didn’t tell her husband that kids should be resilient. I told him that kids needed to keep a routine and continue to go to school and went over there three days a week to help with homework and fix dinner.
But when my co-worker got divorced for the third time, I told her that “kids are resilient,” and went on with my life.

[Anonymous]

No one who says this actually cares about you or your children. If you find yourself saying it about your own children, then you need to rethink what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

I HATE THIS TERM! (I’ve found my people!)

I’ve taken to saying “my son isn’t” when my family slaps me with “it’s fine, kids are resilient!” to justify XYZ.

HATE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s an expression, a social lubricant. What do you want people to say when they find out that you are getting divorced and moving again for the third time in as many years?
“Oh, that sounds difficult and traumatizing for your children, and will probably have an impact into their adulthood and possibly into the next generation. You know what’s easier to inherit than wealth or blue eyes? Trauma.”

No. You say, “It will be okay. Kids are resilient.”

That’s how we all live together without wanting to murder each other.

Are those your only options? Lol. Your social lubricant is obviously annoying people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I HATE THIS TERM! (I’ve found my people!)

I’ve taken to saying “my son isn’t” when my family slaps me with “it’s fine, kids are resilient!” to justify XYZ.

HATE.

+1. I say, “she shouldn’t have to be!”

It’s such an ignorant “children should be seen and not heard” thing to say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I agree 100%. Parents who say that tend to be selfish humans who just want to do whatever they hell they want, and pretend their kids aren’t suffering as a result. My mom was like that - her life was a blast and she dragged me along everywhere with very little concern for my needs. I am broken in so many ways, and whenever I hear a parent say this now I just feel sorry for their kids.

+1.