anyone's child who has sibling at sidwell rejected for K?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We withdrew our app too after witnessing the librarian explain to a group of LS students that the books had each child's name on the inside to represent a donation to the school and inferring that the children should go home and solicit donations from their parents so that their names could appear on the inside jacket. She went on to admit that not all donations are kept at Sidwell, but some go the DC public schools, who are not as fortunate.

I apologize, but I don't understand what's problematic about that. You're offended that the school writes the name of the child that brings a book inside the book? Or are you offended that the school gives books to DC public schools? I don't understand.

I just looked on the Sidwell website, and it seems like maybe the librarian was referring to the school's partnership with Brightwood Elementary: "Early in the year, a Brightwood Book Buddy Drive is held, and children are encouraged to choose and bring in a special book for a child at Brightwood." (http://www.sidwell.edu/lower_school/community-service/index.aspx)

Not to be rude but oyu totally missed my point -- I think it is lovely that they write the name of the child and that they donate books to local schools. What I did not like was the subtle messaging that the kids should ask their parents for books or they will be left out of having their name in a book and the implication that the public school does not have books. In other words, that they are too underfunded to purchase books. It is the privilege issue.

I did totally miss your point, and I apologize again, but I'm still not quite sure I understand it. I don't see what's so offensive about subtle messaging that kids should bring books from home for donation. My kids have tons of books that they've outgrown, and we periodically donate them to charity, so what's wrong if a school collects and distributes books? And I also don't understand what's offensive about saying that they're giving books to another school that doesn't have the same resources. (In fact, I think many parents would agree wholeheartedly that DC schools don't get enough funding.)

You were there, and I wasn't, so maybe there's something about how it was said that I'm not understanding. You're entitled to your own opinions. But I'm not really understanding how this one librarian's statements could be so incredibly offensive that they would cause someone to withdraw an application and write off an entire school.

I don't mean to argue with you. Perhaps it's just that you're venting over application season issues. You're totally entitled to do that, and I don't want to prevent that. My children did not go though applications this year, so I'm not in a venting frame of mind. My apologies.

I hear what you are saying as well. Not venteing; was accepted at our 1st choice. Just sharing because someone asked for an example and IMHO, perhaps it was the intonation and perhaps you needed to be there, but I thought that this was inappropriate to a class of 1st graders. I am all for teaching the value of donating to those less fortunate and to giving to the school, but this went beyond that and projected more of an attitude of haves and haves not. Perhaps you had to be there.

[Anonymous]

Or perhaps you already had a first choice and were looking for reasons to validate it.

We get it.

[Anonymous]

There really is no need to be snarky. I guess this is why people are reluctant to share their experiences on this site.

[Anonymous]

At the same token, there is no reason for people to ocntinue to provide innuendo and false rumors.

The urban myths that are fostered on these message boards do a lot to smear or promote certain institutions. After a while, people should be called on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:spoken like the mother of an only child!

Funny!!

Again, we don't have a child at Sidwell and are just thinking things through for next year. That said, to us, it is really a priority to have our children at the same school. Sidwell seems to be a wonderful school, but if it was to be our first choice, we would rather go with our 2nd, 3rd or 4th in order for our children to be at the same institution. This feeling is not due to convenience issues, but due to our desire to have our family together. I completely understand the need to include new families at the school. But unless there is a glaring reason to reject a sibling, I think that the difference (room for new families) should come from other priority categories.

And, yes, I would still be livid 15 years later if my 5th child was rejected from Sidwell for no good reason.

[Anonymous]

Maybe GDS was a better fit for that child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 13:43 again. You would think after ALL of those years, that Sidwell would have gotten the "memo" about how to treat others with respect and institute a policy where they call current families if they are unable to offer a spot to a sibling and hopefully some guidance as to why they made that decision.

14:06 again. Thanks for providing the extra info. So if I understand correctly, your complaint is really two-part: (1) you wish the school had a stronger sibling policy, and (2) you think the school should do a little more "hand holding" when it rejects siblings, perhaps in the form of a personalized note or a phone call. Did I understand correctly?

I can understand your point (and it's not just you, but also others making similar points). It seems like there are counter-arguments too though. Many on these boards complain lots about schools that reserve too many spots for siblings, so that non-siblings get very little chance. From what I've read here, people report that Sidwell goes out of its way to limit the number of siblings in each class, so that non-siblings have a shot. On the hand-holding point, I agree it's always nice to get that, and every school ideally would send a personalized note to every family that applies. I'm sure though it gets a little overwhelming since they're dealing with 500+ applications each year.

Thanks again for responding.

13:43 Here again. 14:06 I appreciate your post and found it to be an genuine attempt to understand my point(s). Let me clarify - especially point 2. Please know my comments are limited to current families with younger siblings applying to PK or K.

1) I completely understand why Sidwell has the sibling enrollment policy that it does. It is sort of a "no win" situation... there is a need to bring in new blood but only a small entry class. Also, it truly is a disservice to offer a child a spot if there is a strong indicator the child may not up to the academic rigors of the middle and upper school years. The specific case about the family of 5 was an extreme situation, where one child was singled out from her siblings. If for some reason Sidwell felt that youngest had a deficit and it was not in the best interest of the child to attend, the school should have been direct and honest. My personal hunch is there must have a "red flag;" however, even when the family approached the school to better understand why the child was not accepted, no explanation was ever given. If there child did not have a deficit, then I find it cruel that four of her siblings made the cut and she did not. I understand this was many regimes ago... so let's keep that in mind. At this same time this does bring me to main real point which I hope someone in the admissions office might read

2) How you treat your own community reflects who you really are. If the school is not able to offer a PK/K place to a sibling of a current family, the school should be respectful and sensitive about the situation. This is not about hand-holding the 500 families who apply... this is about how the admissions staff handles the delicate situation of not being able to offer a place to a younger child of a family who are current members of the school community. I honestly feel the admissions office should to find a more sensitive way to let these families know if they are unable offer the younger sibling a spot. I personally feel the school should contact the family in advance, preferably in person or at the very least with a personal call and share their decision in an honest, heartfelt, and hopefully constructive way. If there are strong indicators early on that a sibling might not be cut out for the school, I would hope the school would candidly share their concern sooner than later. Current Sidwell families should NOT receive a standard impersonal WL or rejection letter at the same time the masses hear. I might add my concerns are not just limited to Sidwell, but to any school that currently follows a policy similar to Sidwell's current approach. I hope they will be big enough to re-address. It sounds like the new Headmaster may bring back a sense of humanity to the school. I remember for years NCS/STA did not let Beauvoir families know in advance whether their the kids were going to make the cut and it was brutal on these kids. I'm not saying their current policy is perfect but it is better than an impersonal blindside.

3) I don't understand why the poster was so put off by the library episode. From what I read, the librarian was sharing a very nice policy of ways families can support the school in way that is meaningful even to a young child as well as instill a sense of giving to others. Maybe you had to be there, but that certainly would not be a deal breaker for me.

[Anonymous]

I am only familiar with GDS policy, but know, in the rare circumstances where they are not able to accommodate a sibling, the school calls in advance of sending the letter.

[Anonymous]

OK so suppose you are the AD, or a family who is, I don't know, sitting around the kitchen table, or at gymnastics class when the phone rings, its the AD and they wants to tell you that there is an issue with your child and the application for <insert class here>. Do you want to hear this and have this conversation, perhaps while the kid is in earshot? Do you want to be thrown for a loop like that?

While I agree the standard letter is not great, I do think that perhaps a personalized letter indicating that the AD is happy to discuss the issue at a time of the family's choosing would be appropriate.

I think an out of left field cold call to the family sounds better than it actually would be. This is a no-win situation for the AD's clearly.

[Anonymous]

Sidwell parent here, and I think 18:42 is absolutely right on point 2. Even if the reason for the non-admit is simply that there are no slots left, the school should call the family to give them a heads up. If the reason is more substantive (suspecting a bad fit), they should be told that as well. I support the current policy (reserving 1/2 the spaces for non-connected kids), and chose to send my second child to a different school which seemed a better fit, but the admissions office needs to be considerate of the feelings of current families.

[Anonymous]

18:42, I was disturbed by the library anecdote, but perhaps not in the way of the poster who brought it to the attention of this thread. What if a child's family cannot afford to donate (= buying a new book, not "donating" an old one) a book to the Sidwell library? At my DC's old preschool, the librarian would read the "donated" book to the child on his/her birthday, but there was not a routine presenting of "donated" books to the class as a whole in order to divide the class into those whose families "donated" a book for their DC and those who did not.

It is bad enough in our culture that college and university buildings (even at elementary and secondary independents) are named after the biggest "donor." Do we really need to break it down for kids in first grade, when they meet with the librarian en masse, about whose families are able to "donate" a book? I know life is not fair, but having grown up in a poor household, I still treasure that it was not till I was nine or ten that I realized that "A Christmas Carol" wasn't fiction.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I am obviously aware of all of the above schools. However, last time I checked, none of them were located in Washington, DC. Again, it is really sad that the few Quakers who live in DC cannot educate their children at the city's only Quaker school.

Thank you !!! I'm the PP (AA Quaker with outright rejection) and we too live in the city and driving to Maryland or Virginia just wouldn't work. Where I'm from (Philadelphia) there are several good Quaker schools which wouldn't require me to drive over a bridge or into another state. Too bad we had to move here..what a letdown! I'm wondering if I had money or a political job if DC would have been admitted? Sorry to be so negative, but I'm just hurt. I could care less if the admissions people can figure out who I am at this point!

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don't think that just because you are a Quaker that you can expect this to trump every other element in the process and all the other non-Quaker applications. I don't think you get into Sidwell just because. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I don't think that just because you are a Quaker that you can expect this to trump every other element in the process and all the other non-Quaker applications. I don't think you get into Sidwell just because. . .

It sounds like the applicant had strong scores, diversity and religion on their side. Does that guarantee admission? No. Would I take it more personally if I were in the parents of that applicant? Yes, I would.

Please someone who knows more about this advise... Obviously we all know Sidwell is a member of the Society of Friends, but does the school explicitly state that members of Society the Friends are priority applicants? If so, what does that mean exactly? Anyone know how many Quakers are at Sidwell? Does the school share this information? I thought they gave priority to Quakers, but I don't know for sure. Maybe in their opinion means filling a quota of one per class? Anyone??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes. I am obviously aware of all of the above schools. However, last time I checked, none of them were located in Washington, DC. Again, it is really sad that the few Quakers who live in DC cannot educate their children at the city's only Quaker school.

Thank you !!! I'm the PP (AA Quaker with outright rejection) and we too live in the city and driving to Maryland or Virginia just wouldn't work. Where I'm from (Philadelphia) there are several good Quaker schools which wouldn't require me to drive over a bridge or into another state. Too bad we had to move here..what a letdown! I'm wondering if I had money or a political job if DC would have been admitted? Sorry to be so negative, but I'm just hurt. I could care less if the admissions people can figure out who I am at this point!

I'm sympathetic that you did not get admitted someplace you wanted for your child, and I know that's heartbreaking. But I find some of these remarks inconsistent.

(1) Last time I checked, Sidwell's lower school is in Bethesda MD, not DC.
(2) All those other Quaker schools are not so far away. I checked Google for their distance from the center of DC (the Capitol), and many of the distances are pretty similar: Friends Community School (12 miles), Sandy Spring Friends School (17 miles), Thornton Friends School (9 miles), Alexandria Friends School (9 miles), Sidwell (8 miles).
(3) If you're actually just measuring the distance of Sidwell from NW DC, then I suppose you're right that any other Quaker school will require a longer commute. But perhaps your strong Quaker religious beliefs will help you overcome the burden of driving the extra 5-10 miles to an alternative Quaker school.
(4) Your original post at 15:56 says that the school's rejection of your child's application "confirms our feelings that Sidwell is not true to its Quaker roots and is a Friends school in name only." If the school is not true to its Quaker roots, then why are you applying there in the first place and bemoaning the fact that you can send your child there? Was it "a Friends school in name only" before you applied there, or only after you were rejected?

I'm sorry to be so snitty, and I apologize. I really do understand how painful it is to be rejected. But I just don't think it's fair to trash a school out of spite. I'm sure there are plenty of legitimate reasons to criticize Sidwell (and any other school), but this isn't one of them. I suspect you'll be angry and tell me to screw off, and I probably deserve that for calling you out like this. I'm sorry.