I want to go to church, but don’t know where to start under these circumstances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not regularly attended church since I was 12 and my parents “quit” the evangelical church we had attended for years.
When I was married, my husband and I visited several different churches but never quite got into any of them. Ultimately even though he was raised Christian, he became more and more cynical about church in general and any goodness of humanity for that matter. Not making excuses but his attitude really permeated. He assumes ulterior motives for everything, and thinks everyone is in it “for the money” or something and never doing anything just to help. That aspect and his dark view of humanity if only one of the reasons why I could not stay with him, but I am still healing from the affect his attitudes had on me. Also my teen son has absorbed a lot of his attitudes.

I miss going to church and the community I was part of as a child. For the last several years of my life I have focused my energy on launching my career, which I needed to do in order to get out of my marriage, but also found that I feel very much called upon to do the sort of work that I am doing. But in general during this time I neglected my spiritual growth and that of my children. My kids are now addicted to screens, fairly self-centered, and are not really part of any spiritual community.

Does anyone in here have any experience with bringing preteen or young teenager to church if they have never been? This seems very hard, especially since there is so much that I myself question. I definitely believe in God but everything else I question, and have pretty much been this way even when I was very religious as a child and had accepted Jesus Christ. Also wondering where I would feel welcome as a questioner and divorced mom who is also gay. Evangelical church obviously not where I’m heading.

I’m in Western Fairfax County, in case anyone has any contacts or recommendations.

People will weigh in with snotty comments about "Catholic Lite" or the "frozen chosen" (ignore them), but a divorced, gay questioner would be welcome at every Episcopal Church I've ever attended. It's more "high church" than evangelical in its worship services for sure (if you want more laid back worship, sometimes that's rhe Saturday night service), but very pro social justice and lots of volunteer opportunities for families to participate in and to meet people. Good luck!

+1. Another Episcopalian. I know several people in our church with situations similar to yours. Questioning is welcomed, as are divorced people. LGBTQ people and those who love them.

Just make sure the church is ECUSA, the Episcopal Church of the United States, and doesn’t bill itself as “Anglican” in the US. They are a minority offshoot who took their ball and went home when one diocese in one state elected a gay, partnered bishop.

Best of luck to you and your family, whatever you decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your family would feel very welcome at any Episcopal church or Unity church. UU is a little different. I like the UU services. I’ve spoken at several (I’m a minister). But, oftentimes they don’t feel “churchy”.

Unitarian and Unity are not the same, right? Could you explain the difference?

Sure! Unity is a positive, practical, progressive Christian church. You’ll hear scripture read every Sunday. Unity churches are big on affirmative prayer. You won’t hear hell, fire, and brimstone type sermons. The idea of “original sin” or needing to be “saved” does not exist in the Unity church. The church teaches that every single person on earth is born in perfection. There is divine light in everyone, without exception. Many people in the Unity church view Christianity and Christ in a more metaphysical way. There is a huge range of beliefs. The teachings of the church encourage people to seek their own path. A non-Christian would feel comfortable in a Unity church because Unity doesn’t teach that there is one path. It’s more “many fingers pointing to the same moon” type belief. Diversity, acceptance, and inclusivity are a big part of the church.

A UU church is not a Christian church, although many of the members may identify as Christian. UU churches typically pull speakers from many different backgrounds, some spiritual and some not at all. Not all UU members believe in God. There is a big emphasis on social justice. Like Unity, UU stresses the importance of inclusivity, acceptance, and diversity. The sacred worth of every person on earth is stressed. Services vary dramatically from church to church. They are usually very informal. Some of the best messages I’ve ever heard have been in UU churches.

UU and Unity are very similar in many ways. The biggest difference- Unity is a Christian church. The teachings are based on the messages of Jesus, although with a metaphysical emphasis. UU is not a Christian denomination (although it did start out that way). UU pulls from many, many belief systems. You’ll definitely find people who are Christians in a UU church. But you won’t hear about Jesus or read the Christian Bible every week.

[Anonymous]

First of all, congrats on being true to yourself, for building a career, for leaving a relationship that wasn't right, and for caring about your kids finding a supportive, enriching spiritual community. That takes a hell of a lot of determination. I hope your kids appreciate what a badass mom they have.

I highly recommend reading Rachel Held Evans. I just finished Inspired (hang in there with the first chapter, I found it a bit odd) and am now reading Searching for Sunday. Sadly she passed quite young, but she is really incredible at sharing her journey of finding an authentic faith community. From her NYTimes obit "She wrote four popular books, which wrestled with evangelicalism and the patriarchy of her conservative Christian upbringing, and documented her transition to a mainline Christian identity, which moved away from biblical literalism toward affirmation of L.G.B.T. people."

What I love is that even when she sees flaws in the church in which she was raised, she still really prizes community. “Christianity isn't meant to simply be believed; it's meant to be lived, shared, eaten, spoken, and enacted in the presence of other people. They reminded me that, try as I may, I can't be a Christian on my own. I need a community. I need the church.”

I'm confident that there is a welcoming community that is eager to accompany you as your re-engage with your spiritual life. Have you looked at New York Avenue Presbyterian Church in DC? Even if it is too much of a trek, they may have a recommendation for a similar community closer to you.

[Anonymous]

Welcome! I would urge you to call and make an appointment to speak with Fr. David (very young, caring, loving, welcoming) at St Joseph (Catholic) Church in Herndon and tell (or email) him all of what you have said here. He is so wonderful. I will b thinking of you and praying with you that all goes well. Please don’t hesitate to post here with any ?s and I will watch this space to try to answer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome! I would urge you to call and make an appointment to speak with Fr. David (very young, caring, loving, welcoming) at St Joseph (Catholic) Church in Herndon and tell (or email) him all of what you have said here. He is so wonderful. I will b thinking of you and praying with you that all goes well. Please don’t hesitate to post here with any ?s and I will watch this space to try to answer!

Another Fr. David lover here! He's awesome.