DD Expensive Taste-Horseback Riding, Figure Skating & Ski

[Anonymous]

It's okay to say no to things. Also, everything doesn't need to be a competition. She can just take riding lessons from time to time. She can learn to skate without competing, and just skate for fun. She can't do all three of those things as serious sports, anyway, because of the time commitment. She can choose which one, if any, she wants to pursue more seriously. Or she can continue doing all three on a recreational level.

[Anonymous]

I have three girls. The older two were doing horseback riding for a number of years. We were not going to buy a horse; we were not going to even get into leasing a horse. We had said they can take weekly lessons, some camp time in the summer, and we'll do a few shows that fit our schedule.

The problem with that plan was that you send them into the shows against girls who own their own horses and are practicing multiple times per week and they're riding up in their Tahoes with the little horse trailer and the whole thing. Obviously they're getting more practice, and they better know their animal, just like I could more easily get my own dog to roll over as opposed to your dog.

So you sit through these shows, and often times your DD is getting fourth or fifth in every event, and not ever having ridden ourselves, my wife and I are like "Huh. I wonder what the difference was between her and the first place winner. Maybe her boots were pointed in the wrong direction." It starts to get really frustrating, and we started to feel really out of place. And we were actually with pretty low key groups, too. I can't imagine if we were in the fancier areas.

Then at one point, one of my DDs fell and got a mild concussion. We kept going, but my wife would be watching, and in addition to the frustration of feeling like our moderate level of participation and commitment was keeping them as a permanent underclass, DW had increasing anxiety about her falling.

So we "took a break" and didn't go back. Occasionally, we get in touch with their first instructor and set up a trail ride on a Saturday. That's enough. No jumping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not get your own horse or get into competing. Vet bills and entry fees and travel will be a huge money suck.

Just let her take weekly lessons on the horses there. If she wants to lease, let her much stalls and do other barn work to pay for it.

*muck* stalls, I meant.

Also: making her do barn work is a good way to weed out the dilettante rider from the Horse Girl. Horse Girls will do whatever it takes to be around horses. Dilettantes just like the trappings of riding and like to do it when it’s convenient. Make it less convenient for her and you’ll see if she really NEEDS to ride.

I grew up in the countryside and this is how my sister contributed to the costs associated with her hobby, along with competing only in 4-H rather than more expensive options.

But I'm wondering if that's an option in 2021. Do they let tweens/teens muck stalls, or have they outsourced all of that to a contractor? It strikes me that the availability of cheap labor + concern about lawsuits might make that less of an option than in the past.

[Anonymous]

Can't she just take a few ice skating lessons to learn the basics then practice and go recreationally. Skiing is a vacation sport. If she is lucky enough to go once or twice a year you pay for a lesson and thats it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not get your own horse or get into competing. Vet bills and entry fees and travel will be a huge money suck.

Just let her take weekly lessons on the horses there. If she wants to lease, let her much stalls and do other barn work to pay for it.

*muck* stalls, I meant.

Also: making her do barn work is a good way to weed out the dilettante rider from the Horse Girl. Horse Girls will do whatever it takes to be around horses. Dilettantes just like the trappings of riding and like to do it when it’s convenient. Make it less convenient for her and you’ll see if she really NEEDS to ride.

I grew up in the countryside and this is how my sister contributed to the costs associated with her hobby, along with competing only in 4-H rather than more expensive options.

But I'm wondering if that's an option in 2021. Do they let tweens/teens muck stalls, or have they outsourced all of that to a contractor? It strikes me that the availability of cheap labor + concern about lawsuits might make that less of an option than in the past.

I don’t know about specific barns nearby—but certainly some barns still do this. I’m familiar with a few in Maryland and they still allow it! It really will separate the true horse lovers from the take-it-or-leave it crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not get your own horse or get into competing. Vet bills and entry fees and travel will be a huge money suck.

Just let her take weekly lessons on the horses there. If she wants to lease, let her much stalls and do other barn work to pay for it.

*muck* stalls, I meant.

Also: making her do barn work is a good way to weed out the dilettante rider from the Horse Girl. Horse Girls will do whatever it takes to be around horses. Dilettantes just like the trappings of riding and like to do it when it’s convenient. Make it less convenient for her and you’ll see if she really NEEDS to ride.

I grew up in the countryside and this is how my sister contributed to the costs associated with her hobby, along with competing only in 4-H rather than more expensive options.

But I'm wondering if that's an option in 2021. Do they let tweens/teens muck stalls, or have they outsourced all of that to a contractor? It strikes me that the availability of cheap labor + concern about lawsuits might make that less of an option than in the past.

This isn't a past/present thing, it's a rural vs city thing. Sure, if you live out in the country and you have a farm, you can keep a horse relatively cheaply. If you have to board it somewhere remotely close to your urban/suburban home, then you can't offset that cost by mucking stalls. Not because you're a tween, but because that's not highly paid work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not get your own horse or get into competing. Vet bills and entry fees and travel will be a huge money suck.

Just let her take weekly lessons on the horses there. If she wants to lease, let her much stalls and do other barn work to pay for it.

*muck* stalls, I meant.

Also: making her do barn work is a good way to weed out the dilettante rider from the Horse Girl. Horse Girls will do whatever it takes to be around horses. Dilettantes just like the trappings of riding and like to do it when it’s convenient. Make it less convenient for her and you’ll see if she really NEEDS to ride.

I grew up in the countryside and this is how my sister contributed to the costs associated with her hobby, along with competing only in 4-H rather than more expensive options.

But I'm wondering if that's an option in 2021. Do they let tweens/teens muck stalls, or have they outsourced all of that to a contractor? It strikes me that the availability of cheap labor + concern about lawsuits might make that less of an option than in the past.

I don’t know about specific barns nearby—but certainly some barns still do this. I’m familiar with a few in Maryland and they still allow it! It really will separate the true horse lovers from the take-it-or-leave it crowd.

This is a nice, romantic notion but it's just impossible to pay off your horse bills mucking stalls. Even as a teen, you could find higher paid work. It's no more effective than if mom got night job sweeping floors. Minimum wage is minimum wage, and it doesn't pay for horses.

[Anonymous]

OP here. What lovely, helpful replies. Thank you all.

One reason these specific activities stuck is that DD is an introvert and not high energy. We tried soccer (she cried the first time someone stole the ball and she walks most of the time). We tried basketball (she's bottom 1% for height, so she was understandably frustrated).

I wonder if maybe I should push harder to get her into a group sport. I'm torn. Am I pushing a round peg into a square hole? Or am I expanding her horizons and pushing her to grow?

She truly loves horseback riding, in particular. But I'm in NYC, and we'll never be able to make it out to the barn more than 1x/week. We'll never be able to afford to buy a horse. So I'm inclined to agree w/other PPs that maybe it's time to let this one go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three girls. The older two were doing horseback riding for a number of years. We were not going to buy a horse; we were not going to even get into leasing a horse. We had said they can take weekly lessons, some camp time in the summer, and we'll do a few shows that fit our schedule.

Do you regret having them start in the first place, or do you think they got something out of the years they rode?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What lovely, helpful replies. Thank you all.

One reason these specific activities stuck is that DD is an introvert and not high energy. We tried soccer (she cried the first time someone stole the ball and she walks most of the time). We tried basketball (she's bottom 1% for height, so she was understandably frustrated).

I wonder if maybe I should push harder to get her into a group sport. I'm torn. Am I pushing a round peg into a square hole? Or am I expanding her horizons and pushing her to grow?

She truly loves horseback riding, in particular. But I'm in NYC, and we'll never be able to make it out to the barn more than 1x/week. We'll never be able to afford to buy a horse. So I'm inclined to agree w/other PPs that maybe it's time to let this one go.

Oh I did not realize you were in NYC. In that case, drop the horseback riding now. There's nowhere even moderately priced near there to ride and in NYC horses are for the UES Manhattan crowd with country houses where they board their horses...I was thinking that if you were in Vienna, VA or something, you could at least get out to rural Loudoun pretty easily.

Do you think DD would enjoy martial arts? It's individual and it might help her with developing confidence at her own pace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not get your own horse or get into competing. Vet bills and entry fees and travel will be a huge money suck.

Just let her take weekly lessons on the horses there. If she wants to lease, let her much stalls and do other barn work to pay for it.

*muck* stalls, I meant.

Also: making her do barn work is a good way to weed out the dilettante rider from the Horse Girl. Horse Girls will do whatever it takes to be around horses. Dilettantes just like the trappings of riding and like to do it when it’s convenient. Make it less convenient for her and you’ll see if she really NEEDS to ride.

I grew up in the countryside and this is how my sister contributed to the costs associated with her hobby, along with competing only in 4-H rather than more expensive options.

But I'm wondering if that's an option in 2021. Do they let tweens/teens muck stalls, or have they outsourced all of that to a contractor? It strikes me that the availability of cheap labor + concern about lawsuits might make that less of an option than in the past.

I don’t know about specific barns nearby—but certainly some barns still do this. I’m familiar with a few in Maryland and they still allow it! It really will separate the true horse lovers from the take-it-or-leave it crowd.

This is a nice, romantic notion but it's just impossible to pay off your horse bills mucking stalls. Even as a teen, you could find higher paid work. It's no more effective than if mom got night job sweeping floors. Minimum wage is minimum wage, and it doesn't pay for horses.

You’re wrong. My parents own a barn and many kids offset their bills—some almost entirely—by working every night and weekend. Also, I mentioned leasing, not buying. You can absolutely work off most/all of a lease through working at a barn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have three girls. The older two were doing horseback riding for a number of years. We were not going to buy a horse; we were not going to even get into leasing a horse. We had said they can take weekly lessons, some camp time in the summer, and we'll do a few shows that fit our schedule.

Do you regret having them start in the first place, or do you think they got something out of the years they rode?

That's an interesting question. No, we don't regret it. They mostly loved it. As with a lot of things with your kids, you sometimes regret that you didn't prioritize giving them more. (We *could* afford a damn horse if we really wanted to...)

The downside to horseback riding was that we didn't find that it was particularly good for fostering any friendships. They mostly took lessons with each other (their sister).

[Anonymous]

What about tennis? I’m an introvert who hates team sports but I really enjoy tennis as a hobby.

[Anonymous]

You can often lease horses. That means you pay a certain amount per month and you get to ride certain horses in the stable if/when they are available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about tennis? I’m an introvert who hates team sports but I really enjoy tennis as a hobby.

tennis is expensive too because you really need private lessons to get better. Usually a 1.5/2 dollars per minute.