Di you think I offended DIL?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry too much yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DIL has no reason to be upset with you but also you have no reason to be upset with her? It's understandable that your plans changed but it's also understandable that she couldn't rearrange her day on the fly and get back to you right away.

I'm also mildly put off by the way that you frame this entire thing as something you do for your son and DIL. I am sure they appreciate it, but am skeptical it is quite the act of selfless giving you are making it out to be. Presumably you like seeing your grandkids? And while a few hours of help are always welcome, it also necessitates your DIL or son organizing the kids schedule around the visit to your house, presumably driving over there, going to pick them up... this may not be the godsend you seem to think it is. It is likely more of a mutually beneficial arrangement in which you get quality time with your grandkids and your son and DIL get a little break. You are painting yourself as a martyr here but I'm not even sure I would describe this as a "favor". My mom doesn't consider it a favor when she spends a couple hours with my kids -- she begs for it and wishes it could happen more often.

DIL found the thread, lol!

And OP, you are great to offer this.

Unlikely! This is most likely our resident op that likes to pretend to be MIL. She changes the story so to prove that MIL was wrong. She knows most on dcum are full of vitriol as soon as you say you are a MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, your DIL has no reason to be upset with you but also you have no reason to be upset with her? It's understandable that your plans changed but it's also understandable that she couldn't rearrange her day on the fly and get back to you right away.

I'm also mildly put off by the way that you frame this entire thing as something you do for your son and DIL. I am sure they appreciate it, but am skeptical it is quite the act of selfless giving you are making it out to be. Presumably you like seeing your grandkids? And while a few hours of help are always welcome, it also necessitates your DIL or son organizing the kids schedule around the visit to your house, presumably driving over there, going to pick them up... this may not be the godsend you seem to think it is. It is likely more of a mutually beneficial arrangement in which you get quality time with your grandkids and your son and DIL get a little break. You are painting yourself as a martyr here but I'm not even sure I would describe this as a "favor". My mom doesn't consider it a favor when she spends a couple hours with my kids -- she begs for it and wishes it could happen more often.

DIL found the thread, lol!

And OP, you are great to offer this.

We have this op here that likes to sock puppet and pretends to be MIL. This sounds exactly like the post she would post, sock puppeting in hopes of inciting vitriol towards alleged MIL OP!

[Anonymous]

I vote for busy/forgot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ sorry, consider that you may wish to go through your son instead. Maybe not and having nothing to do with this incident, but I do find your generation has a huge bias which winds up putting an undue burden on women.

What does this mean?

It means there's no reason that OP can't be texting with her son about this. Her son can figure out the scheduling and all that. It doesn't need to be on the DIL.

This mentality of your family and my family and only talk to your mother and I will only talk to my mother is so detrimental and sadly it is preached on DC UM all the time. Why can’t a mother-in-law text dil? The flipside to this is the people complaining that their mother-in-law‘s never talk to them.

I agree with you 100%. I just don’t understand this at all either. There is no rule that only certain people are allowed to communicate with otherss. And there shouldn’t be.

[Anonymous]

Just keep it upbeat and keep offering to help if and as needed.

[Anonymous]

Why are you going through DIL? Contact your son.

[Anonymous]

I don't see anything wrong in what happened between you two, but if my MIL were to offer this, it might become a nuisance more than a treat. Do they have to go somewhere every other Monday? With covid, most of the date places are out, and with cold a lot of outside ones too. Maybe your DIL wanted to stay at home. Could you make your offer more flexible? Could you take the kid out on a walk? So she gets some peaceful time at home.

[Anonymous]

Nope you did nothing wrong, we all forget things and you got in touch and told her quickly.

Really I think it's a little rude she didn't quickly text back to let you know what was happening however she might have also thought that she didn't need to text unless she needed help.

Its just a miscommunication, I wouldn't think anything more of it, you sound like a great MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ sorry, consider that you may wish to go through your son instead. Maybe not and having nothing to do with this incident, but I do find your generation has a huge bias which winds up putting an undue burden on women.

What does this mean?

It means there's no reason that OP can't be texting with her son about this. Her son can figure out the scheduling and all that. It doesn't need to be on the DIL.

This mentality of your family and my family and only talk to your mother and I will only talk to my mother is so detrimental and sadly it is preached on DC UM all the time. Why can’t a mother-in-law text dil? The flipside to this is the people complaining that their mother-in-law‘s never talk to them.

I agree with you 100%. I just don’t understand this at all either. There is no rule that only certain people are allowed to communicate with otherss. And there shouldn’t be.

I only suggest this when there are obvious tensions between MIL and DIL and then it's a good solution however OP gets along fine with her DIL so there is no need to go through her son.

People seem to forget that it's not an all or nothing. MIL's and DIL's can get along, why would they not communicate if they like each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ sorry, consider that you may wish to go through your son instead. Maybe not and having nothing to do with this incident, but I do find your generation has a huge bias which winds up putting an undue burden on women.

What does this mean?

It means there's no reason that OP can't be texting with her son about this. Her son can figure out the scheduling and all that. It doesn't need to be on the DIL.

I completely agree. As a DIL, I always find it much more stressful to arrange a time with my MIL than my own mother. It's not that my MIL makes it stressful, it's just that I worry more about having to change the time at the last minute or even admitting that I/we need my MIL to help out. It's so much easier and less stressful for me when my MIL makes these types of arrangements directly with my husband.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's her way of telling you that she/they aren't comfortable with you coming over right now due to COVID.
If you mentioned the package you were expecting, maybe that made her uncomfortable. A few people I know are still leaving their packages and mail untouched for a few days before retrieving them or at least before opening them.

[Anonymous]

Op, this is probably NOTHING. So she got busy and forgot to text you back once. Think nothing of it.

Contact her again for next week. Don't mention this to her.

I get exhausted by my FIL always thinking he's being slighted or wondering what he did to offend me because I forgot to call him back or he read a "tone" in my text.

Not that you're like that. Just advising you why you should just let this go.

[Anonymous]

You sound really nice and helpful... I wish my mil was concerned about how she makes me feel.

[Anonymous]

As a 30 something year old mother of young kids, if your visit was truly a break for the parents they would be all over it with communicating and scheduling. The fact that she let it slide makes me think you are not as helpful as you think you are. Or, maybe it’s not personal and they are just afraid of covid entering the house.

Clear respectful communication never hurts a relationship. You can ask them if they want you to help right now or if it’s too much.