I need to make my life significantly easier -- "hacks" to make life, and parenting life, easier?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. This is a little depressing. I already do grocery delivery and don’t wash my hair as much as I should! I have no commute because WFH right now. Usually have a housekeeper but she stopped coming for a while because she was sick and then sister was sick and then mom was sick and then we just never rescheduled, which seems ok to me given covid rates right now. So basically I am doing all of the hacks other than a nanny, and switching childcare providers is never easy. So I’m doomed!

OP, what I'm going to suggest is going to sound like something that will take too much time and won't be helpful, but I'm going to strongly suggest you do it anyway. For at least one week, keep a log of how you spend your time all day long, hour by hour. How long you spend surfing the internet while making coffee in the morning. How much time you spend getting dressed in the morning. How much time you spend washing dishes. Don't just write down how much time you spent doing something, but keep an actual chart of when you're doing it as well as how long. Once you actually see how you're spending time, you might find some things that are sucking up more of your time than you realize and that just aren't worth doing right now. You also may find things you can do more efficiently.

As an example, if you currently wash (or put in the dishwasher) every dish as soon as you use it, you might find you actually spend less total time doing dishes if you let them pile up all day and then wash everything in the evening (perhaps while you put an tv show on a laptop/tablet and put on headphones while you watch to make it more pleasant). Conversely, if you already let your dishes pile up all day and then are late getting dinner on the table every night because you first have to spend 15 minutes digging out a pan you used to make breakfast and need to wash, you could save yourself time if you wash dishes as you go.

We all think we know how we use our time, but most of us are actually terrible judges of how much time we spend doing things and where we end up wasting time on things that serve no purpose (e.g., if you realize you spend an average of 90 minutes each day playing Candy Crush in 10 minute intervals and you don't even like Candy Crush that much, it's just a time killer when you're procrastinating). Doing an honest assessment of how you're using your time will probably be eye opening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. This is a little depressing. I already do grocery delivery and don’t wash my hair as much as I should! I have no commute because WFH right now. Usually have a housekeeper but she stopped coming for a while because she was sick and then sister was sick and then mom was sick and then we just never rescheduled, which seems ok to me given covid rates right now. So basically I am doing all of the hacks other than a nanny, and switching childcare providers is never easy. So I’m doomed!

You're doing everything right, you just need a break!

I am feeling worn out after WFH for 10 months and also dealing with kids being home full time too. So, I'm taking a "vacation" to my parents' house for a week WITHOUT THE REST OF MY FAMILY. I think it's the recharge I need to have time alone, not have anyone ask me for a snack, not worry about cleaning up messes, be able to 100% focus on work without interruption, etc. etc. etc.

I know we're in the middle of a pandemic, but is there any way you can safely get away for a bit, for some alone time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best thing I heard on DCUM was “only touch something once”. Like, don’t put a plate from the table to the sink when you can put it in the dishwasher. Don’t put shoes on the steps to go upstairs: just bring them up.

It’s so silly but that mantra has helped me keep a tidy house!

Second this!

[Anonymous]

Not sure how old your kids are, but whatever the age, there are always things that they can be responsible for (unless they’re a 4yo toddler, in which case, I can’t even).

I have also designated a space in the fridge where satisfying snacks and easy lunch options go. My headspace is so much clearer when I don’t have to continually read off today’s specials to demanding diners; I can just tell them to go look in the drawer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People regularly suggest paper plates. That never sounds like it will make life significant easier to me, but I will try it. We already do a lot of screen time. Give me other suggestions, please.

I find that one of the most stupid suggestions. If you want to simplify your dishes, I would suggest buying several sets of Correlle, so you have enough plates, cups, bowls. It stacks without taking too much space, it washes easily and it is virtually unbreakable. Besides if you have enough place setting, you can keep loading up the dishwaster and run it at the end of the day. Washing dishes all the time because you only have 6 or 12 plates is a pain. You can also get divided plates if that will work with your family.

You really can't see how just taking a plate and throwing it out is faster and easier than scraping food off a plate, rinsing it in the sink, then loading it in the dishwasher, and then unloading it from the dishwasher? Which by the way, not everyone has (like me) so some people have to hand wash every single dish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Single mom here. I've always been a single parent so it doesn't bother me to do everything. I triage everything. If you've ever seen the Eisenhower grid, that's how I run my life. Here's a link if you haven't.
https://marketingworks360.com/2015/04/marketing-tips/prioritizing-your-work-the-4-square-method/
Everything I do falls into a square and I work from it. I put it on the fridge and add/delete stuff with a pencil. Guess what usually gets neglected the most? Cleaning. I have come to peace with the fact that my house will never be all clean at the same time.

Funny enough is that my son has ADHD. I do not. I'm the exact opposite. I use that grid to keep myself organized. Last year, my DS took an academic support class for 9th graders with ADHD. The teacher taught the students in the class to use the same grid for schoolwork, chores, etc. My son said, "My mom has that on the fridge!" Teenagers never want to seem to listen to their parents but he uses it now for school.

Sh*t, that is kind of genius!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a bin where all my family socks go that is by the door, rather than separating the out into the drawers upstairs.

I’ve also really let go of a lot. And continue to let go of more and more.

Do only the kids share socks or do you and DH share socks too? That seems kind of gross to me. Or is it that you can recognize your socks and pick those?

[Anonymous]

Get your kid(s) to do more. We have recently started asking our kids to put their dishes directly in the dishwasher. They're 6 and 4. It takes longer when one person cleans up everyone's mess in the kitchen versus when everyone does their part 3x/day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure how old your kids are, but whatever the age, there are always things that they can be responsible for (unless they’re a 4yo toddler, in which case, I can’t even).

I have also designated a space in the fridge where satisfying snacks and easy lunch options go. My headspace is so much clearer when I don’t have to continually read off today’s specials to demanding diners; I can just tell them to go look in the drawer.

Ha! This is OP. She just turned 4, and I’m a single mom with no family to escape to. But I’m listening to all of the suggestions! And she does have a few hours of childcare each day, so I have that. But the rush between picking her up and dinner (when there are often still work meetings in there), and then bath and bed is just TOO MUCH lately. And then she’s in bed and I need to do dishes and laundry and shop for groceries. So you’re asking what’s too hard. None of it individually is hard or time consuming. I feel like I had it all pretty streamlined before covid. But now that work and childcare are so all-consuming (because they bleed into each other), there’s just zero time for the rest of it.

[Anonymous]

Purge. When you have less stuff, you don’t need as long to clean it.

[Anonymous]

I’m giving my kids Lunchables. Breakfast is frozen foods that get popped in the microwave.

[Anonymous]

Get a nanny and a cleaning person. Best decision I ever made!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a bin where all my family socks go that is by the door, rather than separating the out into the drawers upstairs.

Hack here -- don't do loads of laundry that mix the stuff of different family members. I don't fold laundry (except my own). Family members get clean laundry returned to them and are responsible for it no longer being in their laundry basket. Started with a great deal of supervision when kids are about 5 or 6 (with very step-by-step instruction: 1. sort into piles; 2. put the pile of undies in the undie drawer; 2. put the pile of socks in the sock drawer ... etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The biggest thing for me is just to care less. About screen time, about everyone's diet, about the state of my marriage, about work. Not permanently, but for a while. I checked out for a couple months at the end of 2020 and I think it's the only reason I got through it. Now I have a bit more energy to deal with it all because I spent two months just saying "okay sure" when my kids wanted TV or sweets, mailing it in at work, and just kind of ignoring my DH. Like a little vacation for my brain.

NP, Thank you! Am I really allowed to do this? What do you do if your DH 'wants' more negative attention and will start an argument to get the attention?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pffffft to "hacks". The things that have made my life easier are:

1) Nanny instead of daycare
2) Cleaning lady
3) Grocery delivery
4) DH who does his fair share
5) Short commute (this meant giving up space, paying more $$$ for our home)

The only "hack" type thing I'd say is dry shampoo, ha!

NP, how did you get your DH to agree to giving up space and paying more $?