A child should take the lead in the college search and application process, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Public school guidance counselor? Hahahaha

+1 do not leave this all up to your kid if you go to a public non-W MCPS high School. Kids are not going to nag the guidance counselors and they will not meet the deadlines without constant follow-up. Luckily I heard this from parents of older kids. Then incompetence stories are endless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Public school guidance counselor? Hahahaha

+1 do not leave this all up to your kid if you go to a public non-W MCPS high School. Kids are not going to nag the guidance counselors and they will not meet the deadlines without constant follow-up. Luckily I heard this from parents of older kids. Then incompetence stories are endless.

This. Also, don’t expect the school guidance counselor to be your own private advisor. With their “caseload,” realistically over the course of this entire process, you can plan for one or two meetings to discuss schools/fit, and the GC will be the one to send transcripts and LORs to the schools your DC tells them to. Your DC must give plenty of advance notice about deadlines and follow up to ensure materials are sent on time. The guidance counselor is a resource, but definitely can’t be expected to co-lead or manage the schedule. This has to come from your DC and you.

[Anonymous]

For D (freshman in college), she took the lead. I let her know what we could pay. I only insisted that the look at the thee top instate schools: UVA, VT, and W&M. I am glad I did, because when she saw W&M, she realized that is her place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm observing a situation in which a parent is taking the lead in the college search and application process. I'm suggesting the child should do this with the parent standing by for support, to answer questions, make suggestions, help with trips, etc. My suggestions are met with annoyance from the parent.

Of course it was. While your opinion isn’t wrong, it was wrong of you to offer it unsolicited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College is a huge financial risk and the college search process is overwhelming. Unless the kid has been given very limited choices or has a very specific range of schools in mind, any normal 17 year old would have a very hard time navigating the process independently.

+1000

[Anonymous]

considering that our LCPS counseling department was almost useless, I wouldn't say I "took the lead" but I did make sure we visited schools in our area starting from about sophomore year so that my kid started to get some idea of what a college campus was like, whether they liked big or small etc. My kids insisted that I buy that big top 350 colleges book back when they were sophomores too and they poured over it.

Once we got later in the process, I told them we could only afford instate or if they went someone else, it would have to offer merit or need based scholarships to make it equivalent to in state.

With respect to the process itself, when they had identified their favorite school, I strongly suggested they apply ED and I gave them a deadline to get their essays done by the start of the school year - which they did. It was quite a collaborative process, and they asked my opinion often (and that of my spouse) and ultimately decided what they wanted to do. Thankfully, got into ED to their fav in state school.

I would not say I drove the process at all, they were engaged and interested, but i did help steer, mostly by telling them the parameters of what we could afford, and giving them help in the timelines etc. Counseling did NOTHING in that regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:considering that our LCPS counseling department was almost useless, I wouldn't say I "took the lead" but I did make sure we visited schools in our area starting from about sophomore year so that my kid started to get some idea of what a college campus was like, whether they liked big or small etc. My kids insisted that I buy that big top 350 colleges book back when they were sophomores too and they poured over it.

Once we got later in the process, I told them we could only afford instate or if they went someone else, it would have to offer merit or need based scholarships to make it equivalent to in state.

With respect to the process itself, when they had identified their favorite school, I strongly suggested they apply ED and I gave them a deadline to get their essays done by the start of the school year - which they did. It was quite a collaborative process, and they asked my opinion often (and that of my spouse) and ultimately decided what they wanted to do. Thankfully, got into ED to their fav in state school.

I would not say I drove the process at all, they were engaged and interested, but i did help steer, mostly by telling them the parameters of what we could afford, and giving them help in the timelines etc. Counseling did NOTHING in that regard.

Yes - Well stayed and well done!

[Anonymous]

Consider that one of the roles of The Agency referred to in the Common App is to help/suggest/lead the college process.

It appears that the assumption for 1st gen students is that they are at a disadvantage when it comes to having someone manage their college search, selection & application process. Why? Because college educated parents are going to be doing for their kids what the agencies are attempting to do for 1st gen. They are filling a void.

[Anonymous]

My non parents did my application.

I sat with my kids and did theirs with them.

It was a shit ton of work.

[Anonymous]

First kid took the lead, determined what schools to apply to with some input from us, and wrote all his essays without help.

The second kid is applying now and was initially lost due to the pandemic, what to do, stress trying to take the ACT/SAT repeatedly but getting canceled, and all the other uncertainty. We had to help guide him through the entire process, identify schools, talk through what he might be interested in doing, helped him brainstorm essays, scheduled online visits, etc. Just finished the last application and he is now in the lead, he knows what he wants, and the type of programs that he finds appealing. It was a struggle to get to this point but I had no problems helping. Totally different situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The obvious answer to OP is, “it depends,” as no two kids or two families are the same. Ultimately the point of this thread is “help” vs “lead.” Yes a parent can help and encourage but it is a disservice to the child for the parent, a college counselor, or a consultant to lead. If a high school Junior or senior is unable to lead their college search then it’s time for a gap year to gain maturity.

Agreed. If they can’t take the lead with finding and applying to a college they aren’t ready.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In helicopter parent land, this is 100% the parents job.

In the rest of the world, kids handle this on their own with the help of their school guidance counselor.

When’s the last time you went through this? It’s nothing like it used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In helicopter parent land, this is 100% the parents job.

In the rest of the world, kids handle this on their own with the help of their school guidance counselor.

When’s the last time you went through this? It’s nothing like it used to be.

Even in the good old days it was not that simple...I had zero guidance from my parents and that was not a beneficial situation. I did not need them to fill out the applications but some input about where to go and why would have been very useful.

[Anonymous]

Let them take the lead but gently nudge them if they are making a stupid decision.

[Anonymous]

I helped mine. It was a LOT of work at s time when they were very busy with their AP classes and all the ridiculous but necessary extra curricular activities. The essays were awful and so much pressure.