Reaction to college acceptance

[Anonymous]

Funny to me that anyone on this website is accusing someone else of being overly invested in their kid’s college. Every single one of us is guilty of that.

[Anonymous]

Yup, people care about this. Those who are trying to diminish your kids accomplishment are nervous. Believe me, if those parents had equally good news to share, they would be all over it. UVA is a big deal - essentially Top 25 for $30k; dude, you got it! Congrats!

[Anonymous]

1) It is your kid’s news, but yours. Let them share it with the people who matter to them. Same goes gor sports, dance or whatever achievements.

2) your close friends and family do care and will share your KID’S excitement.

3) why would you care what acquaintances think or even tell them.

My kid attended a competitive high school. He asked me not to share where he was going until May 1, when everyone was sorted. Some of his classmates gave their parents permission to blab away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are jealous. I learned my lesson to not share news.

OP here. This is close to my own thinking. Here are my two thoughts:

1) We’re not one of those families that believes a student must cure cancer to go to a good school. My kid took tough courses, got good grades and test scores, and wrote great essays. That’s it. I think there’s disbelief that it can be that simple. So, there’s the notion that we’re “lucky.”

2) We do not believe that somewhat better ranked privates are worth the money; instead we see UVA as a great value. Thus, we were very practical with the ED selection. Many other kids with similar qualifications ED to a reach, and are oftentimes disappointed. Typically, these students cycle back to a better state school. From that perspective, we cut the madness short. Again, we are “lucky.”

In sum, I think it’s jealously and disbelief that we got the “prize” without the craziness.

What’s UVA? Isn’t that “grape”! In Latin?

[Anonymous]

It's sad that a friend can't muster a little excitement for their friend's kid getting into college. I don't care if your kid got a school I've never heard of or Stanford, I'm going to be happy for them and share in the excitement. This year, of al years, it's fun to hear good news!

Congratulations to your child, OP! Congrats to all the kids who are getting early decisions right now!

[Anonymous]

How is this any different than junior made the baseball team or daughter got a job? Depends upon the level of friendship of course but sharing kid news and accomplishments is nice and normal. Well-adjusted people who are comfortable with their own kids’ lives and choices tend to be genuinely happy. The rest get uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

"Is it really a lottery if 40% of people win?"

If you go to the Va Lottery home page the first thing you see in the upper left corner is a scratch off ticket.

Each state is a little different but I think most approach 40% that win something with scratch tickets.

Not that I would compare getting into UVa ED with winning a free scratch ticket...

[Anonymous]

What’s UVA? Isn’t that “grape”! In Latin?

... and now the UVA bashing begins. This thread isn’t about UVA, per se. It’s about reactions to college acceptances during a difficult and confusing time in a metro area that is obsessed with prestige and the money spent for 18 years to ensure that Bobby and Jane get it. For many, college acceptance is the litmus test for having done everything right. Make of it what you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, more likely they just don’t particularly care where your kid is going to college.

OP here. That may be true, but I got a very different response from friends whose kids are not applying or whose parents didn’t go to selective schools. Their response was lots of genuine happiness.

It sounds like maybe your friends are aiming or a higher ranked school than a state flagship public. It’s weird that you expect gushing for this?

UVa isn’t particularly selective. Not like an elite school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You want the truth?

It's because NO ONE CARES.

It's not that they don't like you and your kid, but unless it's Harvard, which merits two exclamation points instead of one in the congratulations, NO ONE CARES.

I would never expect anyone to show the slightest interest in where my kids go to college. This is one of those subjects that are of interest to the parents and kid, but not to anyone else. When other people mention college acceptances, I smile, say the obligatory words of happiness, and change the subject. What on earth do you expect me to do?

+1. My kid got in ED and I texted the one friend who showed an interest in where they were going and got back a congratulatory text and that seems entirely sufficient.

In fact this year as we were going through the process I was much more interested in where my friends’ kids applied enrolled last year than I was last year— because I thought it might be helpful for us as I was looking for ideas of how to winnow down the number of schools to look at.

So you agree that no one cares then tell a story about how you cared because you were about to go through it. Gotcha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this any different than junior made the baseball team or daughter got a job? Depends upon the level of friendship of course but sharing kid news and accomplishments is nice and normal. Well-adjusted people who are comfortable with their own kids’ lives and choices tend to be genuinely happy. The rest get uncomfortable.

Exactly! The friend sounds competitive if they can't be happy for their friend's kid. Take note, OP, so you aren't hurt or disappointed in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are jealous. I learned my lesson to not share news.

OP here. This is close to my own thinking. Here are my two thoughts:

1) We’re not one of those families that believes a student must cure cancer to go to a good school. My kid took tough courses, got good grades and test scores, and wrote great essays. That’s it. I think there’s disbelief that it can be that simple. So, there’s the notion that we’re “lucky.”

2) We do not believe that somewhat better ranked privates are worth the money; instead we see UVA as a great value. Thus, we were very practical with the ED selection. Many other kids with similar qualifications ED to a reach, and are oftentimes disappointed. Typically, these students cycle back to a better state school. From that perspective, we cut the madness short. Again, we are “lucky.”

In sum, I think it’s jealously and disbelief that we got the “prize” without the craziness.

The problem is they’re not “somewhat higher ranked.” It’s like the difference between the major leagues and Triple A.

UVA is a great value but your strange smugness about this and weird rationalization about forgoing something more elite is perplexing and off putting and if I had to guess you made comments like this to others before

[Anonymous]

What’s UVA? Isn’t that “grape”! In Latin?

... and now the UVA bashing begins. This thread isn’t about UVA, per se. It’s about reactions to college acceptances during a difficult and confusing time in a metro area that is obsessed with prestige and the money spent for 18 years to ensure that Bobby and Jane get it. For many, college acceptance is the litmus test for having done everything right. Make of it what you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You want the truth?

It's because NO ONE CARES.

It's not that they don't like you and your kid, but unless it's Harvard, which merits two exclamation points instead of one in the congratulations, NO ONE CARES.

I would never expect anyone to show the slightest interest in where my kids go to college. This is one of those subjects that are of interest to the parents and kid, but not to anyone else. When other people mention college acceptances, I smile, say the obligatory words of happiness, and change the subject. What on earth do you expect me to do?

This is not normal...but you never use the word "friend" here. Do you consider people who have your cell, who know you well enough to text you, to be just people or are they your friends? Because friends celebrate successes out of sincere happiness, not obligation. I don't know if it's too late to work on social skills, but I hope you can look at the other posts here and see that what you've written is not normal.

[Anonymous]

I graduated from UVA twenty years ago and I follow them on Twitter so I’ll see posts pop up from random people announcing their excitement to join the class of whatever, and even total strangers publicly sharing their good news in a way that doesn’t affect me one bit still annoys me. Just tone it down and share with your closest friend and family. No one cares!