Stalking your ex's Facebook

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. Can you convince her to seek therapy to help her work through her pain? I did that after a very difficult breakup.

I tried again tonight and it was just an hour and a half of yelling back and forth and refusal to see what they're doing isn't healthy at all. I really want to know what caused the breakup, that may give insight into why she's like this.

OP you are codependent.

Wow! I haven’t heard “codependent” in decades!!!

OP, you’ve given your opinion passionately and now it’s time to let it go. Refuse to discuss him with her EVER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He knows. He gets “people you may know” feeds on his page.

The algorithm "People you may know" is not based on viewable data analytics, but connections between mutual friends. There is a hide recommendations feature as well.

PP, should also note, Facebook message has access to your phone contact list so generally those will also be people who populate in the People you may know box.

No one should install Facebook messenger on their phone for exactly this reason. It steals your personal data.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like she is still in a lot of pain even this long after the breakup. Saying she needs to move on and get over it isn’t helpful. Breakups can be excruciating and traumatizing events—especially so if they were engaged and it would help her so much if she had a therapist to help her learn how to grieve the relationship and heal from the trauma.

+1

OP, she is your sister. Yes, her behavior is concerning. But if you really want to help her (and not just be "right"), you should aim to be supportive. I disagree with the PP who said you should refuse to speak about him with your sister. It sounds like she desperately needs to talk about that relationship and process her feelings. Yes, a therapist is a very, very good idea. But she could also probably benefit from just hearing you say, "I'm so sorry you have gone through this. Just know I'm on your side no matter what, and I'm here if you ever want to talk about it." If she has safe outlets to express her feelings and, if she needs to, rehash what happened with her break-up, she will probably stop turning to social media so frequently as a way to work through her feelings.

Break-ups often have a lot of unresolved issues. What she is likely doing by looking at his social media is trying to resolve those issues. She might be studying his new fiancé, trying to figure out how they are different so that she can understand what was "wrong" with her. She may be looking for him to do things that he didn't do with her, like it's a clue to what changed between them. Or she may be looking for evidence that he is suffering in some way, to help her feel less alone in her pain.

Is any of that healthy? No, not really. But its understandable and it IS common. But what most people need is someone to talk to. Offer her that. Stop harassing her about the social media stuff -- that's her issue to resolve. Focus on your relationship with her and offer her the one thing she will never get from her ex's Facebook profile -- empathy, a shoulder to cry on.

[Anonymous]

This is not healthy.

I'm friendly with some people I have dated. i generally hid their posts for awhile after the breakup and then un-hid when the pain wasn't fresh. Now I can smile and like the photos when I see pics of their cute kids.