Anyone not prepared for life

[Anonymous]

No I went from being spoiled by my parents to being spoiled by my husband (married at 24, he is 5 years o,def and was already a high earner at that age).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I identify with you, OP.

I was spoiled, even though my parents were not "rich." We did budget, we didn't always keep up with the Joneses, I grew up in a modest cape rather than a McMansion, but I was spoiled in that I never knew hardship growing up or even the need to hustle. Everything was easy and predictable. I thought life was just that - go to school, get good grades, go to college, get a job, and voila - middle class American lifestyle, home, family, two cars, white picket fence, yada yada.

BOY did reality smack me in the face. Financial crisis 2008, financial crisis 2020, student loan debt, stagnant salaries, ballooning health care costs. I just never grasped that I could be poor and financially struggling when I didn't do anything "wrong."

This is a really good way of putting it. Life was easier for adults in the 80s and 90s than post 2008, Trump, and Covid.

[Anonymous]

I had a good childhood and nice parents, but wasn't brought up to be confident or assertive or to stand up for myself.

[Anonymous]

Me! It sucks. Don’t do this to your kids.

[Anonymous]

I bet you never had to do your own laundry as a kid, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I identify with you, OP.

I was spoiled, even though my parents were not "rich." We did budget, we didn't always keep up with the Joneses, I grew up in a modest cape rather than a McMansion, but I was spoiled in that I never knew hardship growing up or even the need to hustle. Everything was easy and predictable. I thought life was just that - go to school, get good grades, go to college, get a job, and voila - middle class American lifestyle, home, family, two cars, white picket fence, yada yada.

BOY did reality smack me in the face. Financial crisis 2008, financial crisis 2020, student loan debt, stagnant salaries, ballooning health care costs. I just never grasped that I could be poor and financially struggling when I didn't do anything "wrong."

This is a really good way of putting it. Life was easier for adults in the 80s and 90s than post 2008, Trump, and Covid.

Im that PP and yes. This is the main argument that cuts for and against millennials. There are of course many who have endured personal hardship and loss and economic challenges, and what doesn't break you indeed may make you stronger - meaning that, those who did not have that idyllic 90s childhood AND managed to succeed are of course very well equipped to get through hard times today.

But as a whole, barring personal hardships, statistically, growing up in the 80s and 90s in America was as good as it gets. It was probably the easiest time in history to get settled. There was a recession but nothing like 2008 and nothing like now. This is what I mean by spoiled.... not saying we got everything we asked for, but we had this preconceived notion that life was to some degree, "fair." You stay in school, you stay out of trouble, you get to be middle class. That's all.

"Poor people," in my 90s kid mind, did drugs, dropped out of school, had children out of wedlock. Or they grew up on the "wrong side of the tracks" which, was often a product of racism, and for this reason I would never vote Republican and would support raising taxes to support people that grew up poor. But in general, I had no sense of being poor myself having grown up middle class. I had no idea that one's standard of living would be less than that of one's parents if one followed all the rules. I had no idea how rigged our economic system was, how things could change in an instant, how the goalposts were moved, how the 90s "stay in school/stay out of trouble" was all a lie, how getting an education and getting a job would not become settled middle class lifestyle on autopilot.

So it's half and half in my opinion. Half of it is the fact that society is absolutely more f---ed up these days under Trump and an increasingly corrupt political and economic system. The other half is how spoiled millennials who grew up middle class in the 90s were, especially white kids. A lot of us really thought the house/family/kids/middle class life would just fall into our laps if we just showed up, because that's what it looked like our parents did. A lot of us never learned, or maybe it took into our 30s, to know what it would take to get us over the hump between entry level jobs with no savings/renting apartments/scraping by to actually building a higher-earning career/homeownership/building wealth. The hard-knock reality is that it takes sacrificing some things, including some things we thought would just be a given (like having time for adequate sleep, eating healthy, and exercise), it takes periods of time when life really just sucks (working multiple jobs, working 50+ hours, living below your means to save if you ever want to own a home), and then of course the fact that even if you push yourself to the breaking point, it STILL IS NOT A GUARANTEE that you will ever reach any level of success.

But then when you see things like COVID happen, and financial crises, a lot of us "spoiled 90s kids" wonder, why even bother? Why bother putting in extra time and effort to advance a career when it's all going to come crashing down anyway? Why bother giving up vacations and cocktails to save money when what you are trying to save up for will be permanently out of reach anyway? Millennial fatalism is real. So why the YOLO attitude seems like a lot of spoiled entitlement, to a certain extent it's a way of life for people who don't anticipate much of a future anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the real issue is entitlement. It's not that your parents didn't prepare you for life. Who is ever really prepared for life? It's unpredictable, and the world changes between generations. Everyone struggles in adulthood. EVERYONE.

The problem is when you are surprised by this, or somehow believe you should be exempt from struggle because of your background or inherent wonderfulness. I think it's hard for people to figure out the balance between understanding everyone has value and deserves basic respect and kindness, and also no one is entitled to deference or special treatment. I encounter a lot of people from privileged backgrounds who react very negatively to the idea that they might not be singled out for *special* treatment, whether it's getting the best service at a restaurant or getting the plum assignments at work or being doted on by everyone on their birthday. It's really hard to deal with people like this because they will view normal, respectful treatment as a slight.

OP, if you are struggling with this, I think you need to spend more time with a broader variety of people. If you grew up, went through school, and work and socialize primarily with privileged people, it warps your idea of what it is to be a person in the world. Try spending more time around less privileged people, and learning that you aren't unique or special just because your family had resources. Learn how other people live -- happily! -- without fancy things or money from their parents or whatever. You have the muscles; they've just atrophied because you've never had to use them.

+1

Yes! This! Great post.