DH still working from home. Find myself dreading going home each night
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Anonymous
| This friggin pandemic is killing more than just people. |
Anonymous
Why can't he go to an office or basement when she comes home. It just give her time to recharge when she gets home. He doesn't need to be all up in her face 24/7 while at home. |
Anonymous
They don’t have an office space. Why can’t OP go to her bedroom when she gets home if she needs to recharge? If he’s in the living room, why is it on him to accommodate her when he’s hanging out working in his own house? |
Anonymous
| deevorce |
Anonymous
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I don’t think you’re being specific enough OP. When you get home does he want to engage in small talk/catchup for 15-20 minutes and then he’ll let you be alone for a bit later? Or does he follow you around all evening/night trying to maintain a conversation? Would he just sit next to you quietly and do his own thing while you read or play on your phone, or does he constantly try to fill the silence?
You deserve alone time and he deserves some time to be with you, his partner. There must be a middle ground. I am an extrovert married to an inward-turning introvert and it gets tough, even in the best of times (which these are most certainly not). |
Anonymous
| Op I hear you. I am also at work for 9 hours and come home to a husband who has not seen an adult since March. His social skills have really gone down and now that he is home, the house is a mess. He wants to talk constantly, he calls me at work, he FaceTimes. He is bored out of his mind. If he were in the office, he would chitchat with his colleagues go out to lunch, commute etc. But now he basically has just a few hours of work per day. My work is very stressful and when I come home I need 30 minutes alone to switch from the stress mode to home mode. Nope he follows me around from room to room, tells me every detail of his nonexistent workday, and demands food. Please, y’all, wear a mask. I need my husband back at work. |
Anonymous
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I get it OP. It’s nice to have time alone, but the best kind of alone time is in my own home for a specified time. Not the kind where they go for a walk and could be gone for 10 minutes or 90 minutes, but when I know they’re all occupied for a set period then they’ll come back and I can be ready. I haven’t had alone time in my home since March. My husband’s office has already decided to work from home all of 2021 unless there are exceptional circumstances. It makes me depressed.
That said, it’s my issue, not his. I’ve explained to him what I need. I just tell him when I need time to myself. Then I excuse myself to another room or leave the house. It’s not the same, but it’s the best I can do. On the rare days when he does go to work, I do my best to make the most of it. I also started anti anxiety medication. It helps. |
Anonymous
Ignorant post. Ignore. OP I absolutely get it. I'm am introvert who absolutely needs that alone time too. We're both working from home at least through the end of the year. Luckily DH has his own things he does in separate rooms sometimes. I don't think I could handle it otherwise. |
Anonymous
| Unless someone is an introvert and needs to recharge by having alone time I just don't think they get it. That being said my husband likes time alone in the garage tinkering on things. I don't get it but I let him have it because it's a very simple thing to do. I keep the kids inside with me or in the backyard and he gets his garage time to recharge. I would be very hurt if he wouldn't respect my need for the same. I get what you're saying working from home with no dedicated workspace is stressful under normal situations but in a pandemic can be even more difficult. I think it's crappy that he won't at least leave you alone and give you some time that you need period this is a huge communication and respect issue not a you issue |
Anonymous
| I want to add that it would be a major turn off if my husband didn't at least get dressed in the morning for work and was laying on the bed or couch surrounded by dirty dishes when I got home. that would not turn me on in the least and I would find it rather annoying after 6 months |
Anonymous
This. We do have dedicated office soace so we are lucky. But dh puts on a collared shirt everyday and sometimes a jacket since hes on zoom all day. It nakes him feel like he out on his work uniform and is getting into work headspace. I also love tome at home to myself so i get jt. I send dh out for a run, grocery store on the weekend to get it. Try to time it with nap time for the baby so its as if im home alone for an hour. |
Anonymous
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Those others have said I think this is a respect issue. Op is stating she has a specific need which is a little time to herself and her spouse doesn't seem to at least be interested in trying to understand or accommodate that in any way. this is especially a parent since she stated they have been in therapy and this is still an issue.
To be honest I couldn't be married to someone that could not give me space to breathe and had to be up in my business all the time. hope his husband is likely bored and lacking social interaction since he is still working from home while OP is at work and likely needs some time to decompress not around people when she gets home. The bigger concern is this seems to be an ongoing issue in their marriage that has been addressed both in and outside of therapy. Not feeling like you're being respected is hurtful in the moment and can downright kill a marriage over time |
Anonymous
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I’m like you OP and my husband is also the type to always want to be near me when else are home. Thankfully he will respect it if I tell him I need alone time but if I don’t, his natural inclination is to be in the same room as me. Not going to get into the respect issues with your DH because others have already given you advice on that. Thinking more practical about how you can get alone time...
- Book an airbnb and spend a weekend day/night there alone. If you are very concerned about the virus you can book a day or two extra so it is empty before you check in. - If DH won’t be on board with you being gone one weekend day, book the airbnb on a weekday and take off work, spend the day there. - Leave work on time and stop at a park and spend a few hours quietly walking around or reading. - Send DH grocery shopping or to run another errand on the weekends and your kids outside to play |
Anonymous
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Am I the only one that sees extra work as a plus here for her? She is putting in extra hours, taking on more work and hopefully will be rewarded for it with a promotion or more money at some point.
I would draw the line at DH not getting dressed for work. One thing to do this once in a while but as a daily thing? That is a major turn off and I liken it to a guy living in his mom's basement surrounded by dirty dishes in his underwear. Not a picture that gets me in the mood for DH. The lack basic respect would also be a turn off. |
Anonymous
| You should divorce the bastard |