Are you good at making friends?

[Anonymous]

PP who has a hard time meeting people I will definitely try these suggestions thank you so much!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Foreign service and military kids are very good at it. Short tours of duty are a focusing experience. There's more at stake to make friends because they're starting from zero. They get to practice making friends every time they move.

Not true! I’m a brat and terrible at it, as are most brats I know. Losing our friends after every move didn’t make us good at making friends, it just meant we spent a lot of time friendless.

+1

+2 I think it set me up to feel like friendships are temporary, but in ample supply. Doesn’t work as well as a civilian adult planted in the same city for 15+ years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've always been good at making friends-- even as a child. I'm friendly, easygoing, encouraging, and a I laugh a lot.

Oddly, I've never really cared about having friends. The older I get the less I care. For the most part, I find people to be exhausting. What starts out as a friendship typically turns into something competitive and weird.

Do you have a really supportive family or partner? It is very rare to find someone who doesn't need some kind of support network.

Also, if all your friendships turn competitive and weird, that might be something to look into. None of my friendships work this way. I'm not sure why this would be the case.

[Anonymous]

I am terrible at it. I’m a nice person but I am not charismatic, I do not light up a room when I walk in, and i am introverted. It’s a bad combo for making friends but once were friends we are friends for life.

[Anonymous]

No. Made my best friends between 14-19 and now in my 50s and still either see, visit, txt, email call them or have acquaintance friends in my area but nothing compares to my friends of my youth .

[Anonymous]

PP here and my DH and I are best friends

[Anonymous]

I am terrible at it. I’m a nice person but I am not charismatic, I do not light up a room when I walk in, and i am introverted. It’s a bad combo for making friends but once we're friends, we are friends for life.

Same for me. I am a bit awkward, and I hate asking questions of others because I fear I will be perceived as nosy.

[Anonymous]

I was always very good at making and maintaining friends but that has changed in the past decade. Part of that is DC - so many transient people here, so much busyness... Part is my workplace. I was targeted by a queen bee soon after starting and that person poisoned a lot of people against me. More than once, I thought someone was a friend and later found out the we’re talking about me behind my back. It has made me much more protective and insecure.

[Anonymous]

Yes'-- very extroverted + am great listener.

[Anonymous]

I’m very good at making and keeping friends and my DH really struggles with it. Here are some things that I notice:

1) I find people interesting.
2) I can lead or listen or volley depending on the other person
3) I don’t really need anything from people. I talk about my feelings but I never expect advice or heavy emotional support from friends.
4) I don’t keep score. I’m fine with always being the one to set up dinners or invite people over.
5) I’m a heavy texter and keep group texts going so stay in touch.
6) I have a few dealbreakers, so it’s not that I’d just be friends with anyone but they are pretty significant things. I don’t generally feel slighted or put off by differences with people.

I’ve moved around and have worked in a very intense relationship based field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Maybe because I don’t try to? I’m the same person everywhere. 100% authentic.

+1

+2. I think there's especially something to the "not trying" part. I'm one of those introverts with very little social anxiety. I have plenty of good close friends already, and I'm never TRYING to make new ones. It just sort of keeps happening. At grad school, at jobs. These people still reach out to me years later, and me to them.

Then there's my DH, who's a genuinely nice guy and really wishes he had more friends (he doesn't really have any). But I wonder if people can sense that he wants to make friends and don't respond. Like maybe he's trying too hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m very good at making and keeping friends and my DH really struggles with it. Here are some things that I notice:

1) I find people interesting.
2) I can lead or listen or volley depending on the other person
3) I don’t really need anything from people. I talk about my feelings but I never expect advice or heavy emotional support from friends.
4) I don’t keep score. I’m fine with always being the one to set up dinners or invite people over.
5) I’m a heavy texter and keep group texts going so stay in touch.
6) I have a few dealbreakers, so it’s not that I’d just be friends with anyone but they are pretty significant things. I don’t generally feel slighted or put off by differences with people.

I’ve moved around and have worked in a very intense relationship based field.

You sound really easygoing, I wish I could meet more people like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP who has a hard time meeting people I will definitely try these suggestions thank you so much!!!!

You’re welcome :^)

[Anonymous]

I make "friendly acquaintances" very easily - I'm easy-going, friendly, genuinely interested in most people I meet, and can carry a conversation. But I suck at the follow-through, and therefore suck at turning friendly acquaintances into actual friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am terrible at it. I’m a nice person but I am not charismatic, I do not light up a room when I walk in, and i am introverted. It’s a bad combo for making friends but once we're friends, we are friends for life.

Same for me. I am a bit awkward, and I hate asking questions of others because I fear I will be perceived as nosy.

Are either of you okay sharing about yourself? Sometimes that is easier than asking about someone else. You don’t have to share anything super personal.


By the way when I read your posts, I thought to myself “she is probably so much fun to hang out with once she is comfortable”. I have a lifelong friend from HS, I think the first part of the year was spent with her quietly observing, until we were placed on the same sports team and we really got to know each other. Since then we have laughed and cried together for over 25 years through graduations, children, marriage. Those friendships are one of a kind. Quality over quantity.

I think it is tougher when you are older because we don’t have things like that to let our guard down. That is why finding a hobby is usually suggested, it’s the closest thing to being forced into a social group with strangers where you know you have something in common.