Am I being difficult?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So in hindsight, I'm remembering he asked me to do some sort of BDSM test in the beginning of our relationship and we showed each other our results. The results showed that we were compatible. But I remember feeling like my results didn't accurately portray me, but didn't really discuss it because I thought it was no big deal. I thought nothing else of it, and didn't really understand that for some people this is a lifestyle that goes on inside and outside of the bedroom. I thought he was just bored and sending an entertaining quiz. So much more makes sense now that I'm putting this all together. He has referenced phrases from the test, and I was not understanding their BDSM connotations. Still not sure about how I feel about all this, but he has at least brought this up. And I can now understand why he might think I'm into teasing, even when I'm not.

I really appreciate everyone's feedback. Thanks so much!

Well, damn.

[Anonymous]

You should still proceed with caution. Something feels off about this whole thing, and about him. Yeah, you did the questionnaire, but never talked about it. Reciprocal BDSM requires communication. Don’t ignore the red flags just because they seem to be neatly filed under “BDSM.”

[Anonymous]

That's really controlling and concerning. I think you should break up with him, and be firm about it and don't cave when he tries to convince you that you're the problem. Just leave.

[Anonymous]

You are in the honeymoon phase now. Enjoy it but move on. This doesn’t sound healthy and will get worse.

[Anonymous]

Will he face time with you when he is away? If so I wouldnt worry about the picture. If not, this a red flag for me.
Him not telling you when he is returning is also a red flag. Even if he thinks it fun, you don't and its not working for you, he knows this I assume but does it anyway. I would not put up with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So in hindsight, I'm remembering he asked me to do some sort of BDSM test in the beginning of our relationship and we showed each other our results. The results showed that we were compatible. But I remember feeling like my results didn't accurately portray me, but didn't really discuss it because I thought it was no big deal. I thought nothing else of it, and didn't really understand that for some people this is a lifestyle that goes on inside and outside of the bedroom. I thought he was just bored and sending an entertaining quiz. So much more makes sense now that I'm putting this all together. He has referenced phrases from the test, and I was not understanding their BDSM connotations. Still not sure about how I feel about all this, but he has at least brought this up. And I can now understand why he might think I'm into teasing, even when I'm not.

I really appreciate everyone's feedback. Thanks so much!

You need to have a discussion with him about when its ok to be like that and when its not. Sex stuff is fine, home together fooling around is fine. Real life stuff he needs to treat you like an equal partner assuming that is what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So in hindsight, I'm remembering he asked me to do some sort of BDSM test in the beginning of our relationship and we showed each other our results. The results showed that we were compatible. But I remember feeling like my results didn't accurately portray me, but didn't really discuss it because I thought it was no big deal. I thought nothing else of it, and didn't really understand that for some people this is a lifestyle that goes on inside and outside of the bedroom. I thought he was just bored and sending an entertaining quiz. So much more makes sense now that I'm putting this all together. He has referenced phrases from the test, and I was not understanding their BDSM connotations. Still not sure about how I feel about all this, but he has at least brought this up. And I can now understand why he might think I'm into teasing, even when I'm not.

I really appreciate everyone's feedback. Thanks so much!

Regardless, in true, loving BDSM, you have a converation where you agree what will happen, set limits and hard limits, have a safe word, etc.

This is not ok that he is doing this without your explicit consent!!! This is abuse, not BDSM.