Major direspect from 16 year old

[Anonymous]

OP
You are missing the point completely. The point was that your original post did not mention that your teen's issues were more than simple teen issues. They're teen issues within a blended family with two, soon to be three, very young half-siblings. No one is blaming you for having three children. But that's the reality, for your teen as much as you, and you do not seem interested in dealing with how challenging and uncomfortable this might be for your teenage son. You came here for advice, you got some constructive pointers and ignored them.

[Anonymous]

three MORE children ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP
You are missing the point completely. The point was that your original post did not mention that your teen's issues were more than simple teen issues. They're teen issues within a blended family with two, soon to be three, very young half-siblings. No one is blaming you for having three children. But that's the reality, for your teen as much as you, and you do not seem interested in dealing with how challenging and uncomfortable this might be for your teenage son. You came here for advice, you got some constructive pointers and ignored them.

No, I did not ignore them, but they did not address the issue I had posted on here, a disrespectful teen. Most of the responses were addressed to the fact that I had more children after him. God forbid that to ever happen! Do people have a problem with 4 children one right after the other? Why is it such a big problem for other people how and when I have my children? Maybe I would have given more attention to some of the responses if they actually addressed the issue of a disrespectful teen. If I wanted information on how to raise my son in a blended family with much younger siblings, I would have post in a different forum or changed the subject line!

Enough already. This post is DONE for me. I took away from it what I felt was important and relevant and will not come back here again to be bashed simply for the fact that I decided to have more children!

[Anonymous]

Wow OP, with that chip on your shoulder no wonder your teen is unhappy.

I think the suggestion was to try to understand him better not to come down even harder and bemoan that he isn't your built in babysitter.

I'm sure you were Mary Sunshine as a teen, right?

[Anonymous]

Maybe I would have given more attention to some of the responses if they actually addressed the issue of a disrespectful teen. If I wanted information on how to raise my son in a blended family with much younger siblings, I would have post in a different forum or changed the subject line!


OP, I don't think you can separate the problem from the context.

One strategy I used with my surly teen (and some concerns about the crowd he was hanging with) was to take him out to lunch once per week. Hired a sitter and picked him up at school, went to a sandwich place he liked. Just spent the time listening to him talk about himself and his life. About halfway through the semester his attitude started to get better. By the end of the semester he was making better choices about friends. He may seem "MAJORLY DISRESPECTFUL", stinky, huge, you name it, but there is still a little boy in there who will blossom with some focused positive attention from his mom.

I think it's great you have so many young ones, but invest some time in the big one too. I've seen it pay big dividends. Get to know him and his dreams, he'll be gone really soon. You said dad isn't great shakes as a parent, just an hour or two a week one on one, with you just enjoying him, will help. It's like a toddler, them trying to get negative attention is often better than no attention, up to you to turn that calculation around.

Living with teens can sure be a challenge, but so can being a teen. Little sibs or not. He could be on drugs, dropped out, wrecking cars. Appreciate the basically good kid you have and let him know. My guy was a challenge as a tot too, his preschool teacher told him he was thoughtful and helpful, now, years later, he will still tell you he is those things. Find some good characteristics to appreciate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow OP, with that chip on your shoulder no wonder your teen is unhappy.

I think the suggestion was to try to understand him better not to come down even harder and bemoan that he isn't your built in babysitter.

I'm sure you were Mary Sunshine as a teen, right?

Are you retarded? OP never mentioned anything about having him babysit. Can you read properly? It was another poster that has a teenage daughter who posted about asing her to babysit for a few hours one day. Don't post if you can get your head out of your ass you dimwit!

[Anonymous]

12:57 Maybe not on babysitting but 7:58's point still holds. OP's teen is acting like a teen and she is in major denial about the possibility that part of his rebellion is because of the blended family dynamic. OP wants to separate the inseparable.

[Anonymous]

OP - I do hope that you do come back and keep reading. I just went through this entire string, since it's a blizzard out and I'm not going anywhere! I think my post here is something like post #34 or 35. There are only 3 really negative posts that truly slam you (and at least 2 of the 3 can be attributed to the same poster). A few other posts are people slamming that person.

But, the majority of the posts (including 2 from me) were from people who have had exactly the experiences you're having -- a difficult teen, challenges having kids of wide age ranges, blended family issues -- or some combination of the 3. You even got at least one post from someone who offered you perspective as that teenager in a family like your's back when she was young - an interesting viewpoint. I think that many of us empathize with what you're dealing with, and offered you strategies. Those of us who have been there know it's tough (heck, I named my first gray hairs after my teenage stepchild!) At the same time, we also did offer you alternative perspectives on understanding issues that might be at the root of your teen's attitude (1. he's a teenager, and they're like that so how to frame your expectations in that reality. 2. he might be struggling with the new family construct) and how to address those.

I'm sorry if you and 16:46 both feel attached from all sides by people berating you for having more kids. I'd encourage both of you if you return to this thread to read through it all at once. Separate out the one or two truly nasty posts and then focus on the message and advice from the rest of us for dealing with a challenging teen. Best of luck to you.