I’m losing it as a parent

[Anonymous]

1. Totally agree with the others who say that 9 is plenty old enough to be at home alone.

2. Your DH needs a break when he's done with work, but it's not fair that you have to be the go-to parent 24/7.

3. Your 9yo needs some independent time - you all can pick what the best fit for that is.

4. Does your DD have a way to connect with her friends independently via email/text/factime/etc? If no, can you get her a device and/or invite her to use the landline to connect with friends?

I have an only that age too and sympathize, and I also think there are probably viable ways to give yourself more of a break with a bigger kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so thankful you’re all saying screens are ok. I’ve fought myself over this, but I’ve been pretty much a free for all this past week. I’m thinking I may be ok with that until school starts.

1 or 2 hours of daily screen time during a pandemic will not harm anyone. Don't be so hard on yourself.

1 to 2 hours? My husband spent his entire childhood parked in front of a screen and ended up in an Ivy. He also made watching movies into a career. If your kid is gonna be the next Einstein, parking them in front of 6 hours of Pokémon isn’t going to hinder their development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just chilling out right now reading this forum. We have a 4 year old, our only child. I work full time and my spouse is with her all day. I'm introverted and need my " sanity alone time". It's really hard. I wake on weekends so early, just to have " me time" before our child wakes up. Because she's the only child- we parents have to play all day long with her. I hear you- it's not easy. We don't have any family close by to help, either.

This is odd. You do realize that as a two parent/one child household you can..take turns?

[Anonymous]

We're in a similar situation, also with an only child who talks a lot. Audio books with a jigsaw puzzle help a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To preserve my sanity as a parent, I am setting some mental health boundaries with my 5 and 8 year olds and I urge you to do it, too.
My rules are: 1. No responding to non urgent requests before I have my first cup of coffee. No conversations about plans for our day until I have two cups of coffee and my clothes are on.
2. Sometimes I will say, I’m talked out. I don’t want to talk anymore. I love you and you can talk to me but I’m not going to respond. They’re okay with this.
3. 2-3 hours of screens a day. They have to wear headphones
4. I have Bose noise cancelling headphones that I wear sometimes to listen to my audio book. They take the edge off.
This is how I am surviving as an introvert with two extroverted kids.
Your 9 year olds needs some screen time and some time to herself to read in her room. She is old enough to do that.

You are a horrible parent because you think only of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so thankful you’re all saying screens are ok. I’ve fought myself over this, but I’ve been pretty much a free for all this past week. I’m thinking I may be ok with that until school starts.

1 or 2 hours of daily screen time during a pandemic will not harm anyone. Don't be so hard on yourself.

1 to 2 hours? My husband spent his entire childhood parked in front of a screen and ended up in an Ivy. He also made watching movies into a career. If your kid is gonna be the next Einstein, parking them in front of 6 hours of Pokémon isn’t going to hinder their development.

I don’t understand people like you, I really don’t.

[Anonymous]

What about a "safe" afterschool activity like a small arts and crafts class for an hour or two?

[Anonymous]

Maybe you can help her meet her social needs safely.

Outdoor play dates, distanced and masked. A pen pal or two. Regular grandparent time on Skype/Zoom — they can read, play games, look at old pictures, etc.

Is there room in the budget for Outschool classes?

Lots of “quality” screentime available — nature docs, drawing instruction, listen to orchestral programs for children, watch ballets...

[Anonymous]

Single mom with 9 year old child who talks all day. Also I work as a professor! To get in more reading I say 1 hour "free choice" fiction and 1 hour free choice non-fiction -- and I buy tons of books and make lists on Epic. Also, screens are fine between 9 and 5 as long as it's educational. Just make a Google Doc with links and keep track of what she watches. She'll discover her passions this way. The reading hour can be for "quiet time" for you and you'll get more time if she finds something to watch or do by herself. My son at this age unfortunately does not play much on his own. We do nature walks and things like that together, which help both of us.

[Anonymous]

PP adding - we also do tons of Outschool classes, virtual playdates including some regular groups that various parents including me lead. You can do it!

[Anonymous]

Why did you have a child?

[Anonymous]

Set up some playdates. Outdoors, masked if that makes you more comfortable. Even a six foot separated bike ride (you could supervise). But I think your DD would benefit from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To preserve my sanity as a parent, I am setting some mental health boundaries with my 5 and 8 year olds and I urge you to do it, too.
My rules are: 1. No responding to non urgent requests before I have my first cup of coffee. No conversations about plans for our day until I have two cups of coffee and my clothes are on.
2. Sometimes I will say, I’m talked out. I don’t want to talk anymore. I love you and you can talk to me but I’m not going to respond. They’re okay with this.
3. 2-3 hours of screens a day. They have to wear headphones
4. I have Bose noise cancelling headphones that I wear sometimes to listen to my audio book. They take the edge off.
This is how I am surviving as an introvert with two extroverted kids.
Your 9 year olds needs some screen time and some time to herself to read in her room. She is old enough to do that.

You are a horrible parent because you think only of yourself.

I am not a horrible parent. I am parenting full time, with an essential worker spouse who works a LOT and no family or other support. Schools are virtual here. I also have a baby who does not sleep through the night. I am putting on my own oxygen mask first to run this covid marathon.

[Anonymous]

Just feeling reassured that I’m not the only one with a 9 year old who Never. Stops. Talking.

[Anonymous]

I have a 9 yo. She has a younger brother but there's a big age gap so he's not a real playmate. I agree with many suggestions here:

1. outdoor playdates. They're old enough that they can stay 6 feet apart. Things they've done: ride bikes, have jump rope contests, run obstacle courses that they make and time themselves, just talk!

2. video chat with friends.

3. reading at least an hour a day.

4. staying home by herself while you go out. You can do this on purpose and tell her it's for practice. Go for a walk, go to the store.