I’m losing it as a parent
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Anonymous
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To preserve my sanity as a parent, I am setting some mental health boundaries with my 5 and 8 year olds and I urge you to do it, too.
My rules are: 1. No responding to non urgent requests before I have my first cup of coffee. No conversations about plans for our day until I have two cups of coffee and my clothes are on. 2. Sometimes I will say, I’m talked out. I don’t want to talk anymore. I love you and you can talk to me but I’m not going to respond. They’re okay with this. 3. 2-3 hours of screens a day. They have to wear headphones 4. I have Bose noise cancelling headphones that I wear sometimes to listen to my audio book. They take the edge off. This is how I am surviving as an introvert with two extroverted kids. Your 9 year olds needs some screen time and some time to herself to read in her room. She is old enough to do that. |
Anonymous
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Does she get time to do video chats with any of her friends? My 9yo does every now and then and it’s a good hour+ of time when she’s occupied and happy and leaving me alone.
I’ve also found that there are shows that we can watch together and discuss—our new find is Amazing Race. We watch an episode and she traces on a map where they travel too and we talk about the countries and landmarks and customs the show highlights. She also loves Mr Wizard’s World and we recreate some of the easy projects. That way she gets screen time but it’s not all horrible you tube junk and we can do it together and it’s enjoyable for me. (Both of those shows are on amazon prime.) |
Anonymous
| If you are overly concerned with “mindless” screen time, look for activities and programs that don’t have her just looking at the screen. Libraries are a good start for this, they have programs that are pretty interactive. My son has participated in online scavenger hunts, art projects, book readings, mini”classes”, discussion groups, etc. I started out scouting the internet looking for diverse and interesting things, but now he has a few favorites that we just keep in rotation. The cool thing about this is that we are not limited to local libraries, museums, or programs. |
Anonymous
| Get a Nintendo switch to play online games with friends. |
Anonymous
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This is what video gaming was invented for. Three words Grand Theft Auto or
War Zone stat. |
Anonymous
| OP, I’m sorry, I get it. Also have a 9yo DD whom I love dearly, but sometimes I really just need her to stop talking. |
Anonymous
| Nintendo Switch and Animal Crossing. Thank me later! |
Anonymous
At age 9 I would do this as long as I wasn't going far. Or could you even go for a walk or a run in the neighborhood? One thing that has helped me when I felt like I was on a treadmill that wouldn't stop was to schedule out my days. I work and I have two kids who play together so I am not in your same shoes, but what was useful was blocking parts of the day for certain activities so that at the end of the day I could clearly see what I had accomplished, including down time. So rather than feeling like you are always with your child on this neverending treadmill, schedule the day, like 8-9 am make a new item for breakfast and eat. 9-10 am outside time, go for a walk with your daughter and count flowers or birds or do a scavenger hunt with pictures. 10-11 am alone time for both you and your daughter, 11-12 pm play a new game such as learning a card game, 12-1 pm make an old favorite for lunch and eat it somewhere new like outside or on the floor picnic style, 1-3 pm watch a movie (or your daughter watches a movie and you do something else), 3-4 pm outdoor time again, etc. It may make you more anxious to have a schedule, I don't know, but I'm wondering if it will make you feel like you know you have time for yourself somewhere in each day. And hey, make the next day 8-9 am breakfast and them 9-12 pm your daughter is on her iPad and you are doing whatever the hell you want to do. She'll survive, I promise, and I am not a parent who allows her kids much screen time. I actually can't even think of the last time they had their iPads...maybe Saturday when it rained while my husband and I cleaned for a bit? |
Anonymous
She’s 9. It’s fine to go on walks alone or drive your car to the grocery store or wherever. You don’t have to be right next to her 24 hours a day. That’s insane. |
Anonymous
| You got some great advice here. Don't underestimate the power of good walk outside with sunshine and fresh air. Make it a daily schedule for you and your child. In addition to this, you can also help your child create his own daily schedule that he will manage on his own, he's already at the age where he is more independent, and assign chores. |
Anonymous
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A few ideas-
-Instead of getting her a babysitter, can she BE a babysitter? I'm in a similar position but I'm working 30 hours/week from home with a toddler and pregnant with HG. I'd LOVE a 9yo to come play water table or sprinkler, finding bugs, chalk, bubbles in my yard with my toddler and I would gladly pay them. -Can you get a cheap AIRBNB somewhere away for a week? We did this ($79/night with a discount for booking a week) and just the change of scenery did wonders for all of us. The little cottage had a porch I could have my coffee in the mornings and DD could play outside. Taking a bath in a different tub was fun for her. There was a walk up ice cream place nearby and a field to run in. It was worth throwing money at the sanity even though we aren't particularly well off. -We built a little free library as a family. It was a nice project, fairly easy, and it's been fun to check our library daily and watch people use it. -9yo is the perfect age for those make your own craft kits- jewelry, bath bombs, lip gloss, friendship bracelets -We rotate things around the house. I realise I have a toddler but this may also work for a 9yo. Rearrange furniture, move toys to different rooms, put a mattress on the floor for movie night, eat breakfast on the patio instead of the kitchen, anything to switch up the monotony. |
Anonymous
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Hugs op! Is there a way to find time for yourselv when she is awake, during the day? Maybe thing will improve when DL starts and she has to be in session? I had to find a way to say, no bothering me for the next couple of hours. She is nine. Does she want to play outside, ride bikes? Is she allowed to do this and do you live in an area where this is possible? Suburbs? If yes, I say, let the free range upbrining commense. Get her a phone with a tracker, and let her loose.
Best of luck. I am struggling too, and dh is overseas in Afganistan, so I hate to vent to him. |
Anonymous
I hope you're kidding. The kid is barely getting screen time now and you suggest introducing violent video games as the first step?! OP, there are a million virtual classes out there - get your kid enrolled in one (or more!) that matches her interest. Set up video chats with friends. She's 9, not 2; she can do a lot independently and you do not have to be her sole source of companionship/entertainment, nor should you be. |
Anonymous
| She’s 9, not 3. You can leave her home alone. Start with a walk alone around the neighborhood and work up to going to get coffee for an hour. Teach her how to keep the doors locked, not answer the phone except for you and your DH, etc. She can read so make sure she has time alone to do so in her room. |
Anonymous
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Sorry, your husband can still do more. She's his child too. Does he really work 7 days a week? How is it ok to let him "chill" after a 13-14 hour day (12 hours work/1 hour commute), but you don't get enough sleep because going to bed late/getting up early is the only time YOU can "chill"?
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