What is the cost of surrogacy? How do you relate to it?

[Anonymous]

My niece was "adopted" about 18 years ago. My brother and SIL made up this story that they were adopting, but they really used a gestational surrogate. I was sworn to secrecy...and they've still never told their DD.

[Anonymous]

Wow this thread went off the rails. Spent about $125k but a little while ago. Around $40k for all that goes into ivf and testing, $25k to agency/lawyer, $30k to gestational surrogate, about $5-10k for legal rights end of process stuff, $5k to psychologist/social worker and some other things I don’t remember. The kids (twins) are biologically mine and my husbands. We are regularly in touch with our gestational surrogate who feels like she helped us with a miracle and we feel the same. Kids have known about as part of their birth story and get mom had a health problem where she couldn’t carry them and so a wonderful person carried them for us. I know many will always judge and think it’s awful - but for us it gave us the opportunity to be able to have kids and our kids are pretty darn normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow this thread went off the rails. Spent about $125k but a little while ago. Around $40k for all that goes into ivf and testing, $25k to agency/lawyer, $30k to gestational surrogate, about $5-10k for legal rights end of process stuff, $5k to psychologist/social worker and some other things I don’t remember. The kids (twins) are biologically mine and my husbands. We are regularly in touch with our gestational surrogate who feels like she helped us with a miracle and we feel the same. Kids have known about as part of their birth story and get mom had a health problem where she couldn’t carry them and so a wonderful person carried them for us. I know many will always judge and think it’s awful - but for us it gave us the opportunity to be able to have kids and our kids are pretty darn normal.

Was it more money because it was twins? Genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece was "adopted" about 18 years ago. My brother and SIL made up this story that they were adopting, but they really used a gestational surrogate. I was sworn to secrecy...and they've still never told their DD.

What’s the point in going through all that to have a child who is biologically related and then deny the connection? Strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were born from such pregnancy I think it would adversely affect my entire life. I would feel like goods,
a product but not as a person.

Nope I know someone who is a surrogate baby 30 years ago (not IVF this was turkey baster style but they did pay the surrogate a lot). She always felt really really wanted because of the lengths they went to have her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece was "adopted" about 18 years ago. My brother and SIL made up this story that they were adopting, but they really used a gestational surrogate. I was sworn to secrecy...and they've still never told their DD.

They tell the daughter that she is adopted, or they tell her that she is their biological child (no surrogate involved)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My niece was "adopted" about 18 years ago. My brother and SIL made up this story that they were adopting, but they really used a gestational surrogate. I was sworn to secrecy...and they've still never told their DD.

If it wasn't their sperm or egg, they don't have a genetic connection so she may have had to be adopted legally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was "adopted" about 18 years ago. My brother and SIL made up this story that they were adopting, but they really used a gestational surrogate. I was sworn to secrecy...and they've still never told their DD.

If it wasn't their sperm or egg, they don't have a genetic connection so she may have had to be adopted legally.

It’s hard to believe that they’d use an egg donor, a sperm donor, AND a gestational surrogate. In fact my clinic told me they won’t do that, you need at least one degree of biological connection. Either way, children should really know where they come from. It does no one any favors to lie to them. These days there are many children’s books that explain donors and surrogates to children who are conceived that way and child psychologists who specialize in this field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was "adopted" about 18 years ago. My brother and SIL made up this story that they were adopting, but they really used a gestational surrogate. I was sworn to secrecy...and they've still never told their DD.

If it wasn't their sperm or egg, they don't have a genetic connection so she may have had to be adopted legally.

It’s hard to believe that they’d use an egg donor, a sperm donor, AND a gestational surrogate. In fact my clinic told me they won’t do that, you need at least one degree of biological connection. Either way, children should really know where they come from. It does no one any favors to lie to them. These days there are many children’s books that explain donors and surrogates to children who are conceived that way and child psychologists who specialize in this field.

Not that hard to believe. People do that and Shady Grove allows it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I were born from such pregnancy I think it would adversely affect my entire life. I would feel like goods,
a product but not as a person.

It’s lucky that people as stupid as you can’t afford surrogacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was "adopted" about 18 years ago. My brother and SIL made up this story that they were adopting, but they really used a gestational surrogate. I was sworn to secrecy...and they've still never told their DD.

If it wasn't their sperm or egg, they don't have a genetic connection so she may have had to be adopted legally.

It’s hard to believe that they’d use an egg donor, a sperm donor, AND a gestational surrogate. In fact my clinic told me they won’t do that, you need at least one degree of biological connection. Either way, children should really know where they come from. It does no one any favors to lie to them. These days there are many children’s books that explain donors and surrogates to children who are conceived that way and child psychologists who specialize in this field.

Not that hard to believe. People do that and Shady Grove allows it.

My doctor at SGF specifically said this is not allowed at their clinic. Maybe it was previously and they changed it? Or maybe it depends on which branch of SGF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My niece was "adopted" about 18 years ago. My brother and SIL made up this story that they were adopting, but they really used a gestational surrogate. I was sworn to secrecy...and they've still never told their DD.

If it wasn't their sperm or egg, they don't have a genetic connection so she may have had to be adopted legally.

It’s hard to believe that they’d use an egg donor, a sperm donor, AND a gestational surrogate. In fact my clinic told me they won’t do that, you need at least one degree of biological connection. Either way, children should really know where they come from. It does no one any favors to lie to them. These days there are many children’s books that explain donors and surrogates to children who are conceived that way and child psychologists who specialize in this field.

Not that hard to believe. People do that and Shady Grove allows it.

My doctor at SGF specifically said this is not allowed at their clinic. Maybe it was previously and they changed it? Or maybe it depends on which branch of SGF?

They were allowing it in 2018.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow this thread went off the rails. Spent about $125k but a little while ago. Around $40k for all that goes into ivf and testing, $25k to agency/lawyer, $30k to gestational surrogate, about $5-10k for legal rights end of process stuff, $5k to psychologist/social worker and some other things I don’t remember. The kids (twins) are biologically mine and my husbands. We are regularly in touch with our gestational surrogate who feels like she helped us with a miracle and we feel the same. Kids have known about as part of their birth story and get mom had a health problem where she couldn’t carry them and so a wonderful person carried them for us. I know many will always judge and think it’s awful - but for us it gave us the opportunity to be able to have kids and our kids are pretty darn normal.

Was it more money because it was twins? Genuinely curious.

Yes there was a “twin fee” in the contact for $5k. We also then paid additional support
For things like house cleaner etc to be more supportive for more challenging pregnancy for carrying twins.

There seems to be a lot of BS in some of the postings above or not understanding that a gestational carrier isn’t biologically connected to the child.