DH’s quarantine laziness is a huge turn off

[Anonymous]

I don’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing, or not doing. This is a transition, we’re all in a state of shock and it’s hard to do business as usual. I’ve been watching Netflix quite a bit — it’s an escape. Fortunately, my DH is pretty chill as well so we are compatible in this way.

He’s a grown man, you don’t have kids or pets to wrangle and he’ll get his work done in his own time. His way isn’t wrong or “lazy”, it’s just different than yours. If you give him a week, as you indicate, before you become “unhappy” then you’re essentially treating him like a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He has been “working” about 2 hours per day and watching crap TV. I see this as a huge opportunity to so some personal projects. It’s a real turn off to watch someone just waste away. Anybody relate?

And he sees it as a huge opportunity to relax. Which he should ... it's a stressful, unprecedented time. Chill out. And I'm sure he hasn't wasted away in 5 days of working from home. Way to be a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has been “working” about 2 hours per day and watching crap TV. I see this as a huge opportunity to so some personal projects. It’s a real turn off to watch someone just waste away. Anybody relate?

I carefully prepped for the family, buying extra toilet paper in the beginning of February. I told my husband to continue to get more when he did the grocery shopping as 'I think that we would be in for a ride.' He ignored me, sneering at me when I discovered that he had used 1/2 our stock and questioned him. About a week ago said to me "well, you might want to get more toilet paper". I laughed and said "There IS NO MORE ON THE SHELVES". To prove it, my son sent him photos. I did have some stockpiled downstairs but no way it's going to last us until end April or later (I ordered some and they only say "April shipping". I called and they said no guarantees on that either.

While he apologized, this has been a constant problem in 22 years of marriage - undermining everything I try to accomplish, sneering arrogantly at me, calling me crazy, etc. Kids are grown, parents are moving East in October, and I'm OUT!

Wait... are you the wife from the other thread who said that your husband mocked you for prepping, etc, but then he told you that you were right and we said that he only told you that just so you would clean his bathroom for him??

Are you the same wife??

[Anonymous]

Do the projects yourself and let DH be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're Type A.

He's tired.

This is probably true on both accounts. I unwind much less easily than he does. If it only goes on another few days I can take it but if he goes into full lazy mode I will not enjoy that.

To the other poster who asked - he is a professor. So he now has to upload noted 3 times a week and that is the extent if his “work” - of course he has many other things to do regarding his research and other side projects - things he complains he doesn’t normally have enough time to do to his satisfaction. Well, pal, now is your chance!!!!

We don’t have kids or pets.

I can sympathize, OP. What you need to do is separate your expectations from him and do the projects you want done. For the household and for yourself. Do not let codependency set in. Live your life your way. You are seeing who you married. Give him space to see you. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize OP, as a WFHM with two kids who aren’t yet old enough to do their own thing or actually be happy with an iPad for unlimited screen time who is doing full time childcare along with house chores and extreme stress of trying to work when I can. My deadlines are more flexible and dependent on other people so my todo list is always shifting. At the moment I feel like it is all just landing at my feet. DH is working. Non-stop, as though nothing has changed but his location. I WISH this meant he was “home” by 5pm suddenly also that I could at least hear myself think long enough to put dinner together. Instead he magically finishes up each day when it just about time to sit down to dinner and feels good that he is joining us for dinner for a change. Fed employee.

[Anonymous]

Meh. Everyone deserves some relaxation especially in this stressful time. Dh and I are taking turns cooking and taking care of the kids so the other can work or relax. The stress is real and overwhelming. If it's 2 days or one a week or whatever, let him be. Som propel escape stress by doing projects and some by being completely lazy. One way isn't better than the other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sympathize OP, as a WFHM with two kids who aren’t yet old enough to do their own thing or actually be happy with an iPad for unlimited screen time who is doing full time childcare along with house chores and extreme stress of trying to work when I can. My deadlines are more flexible and dependent on other people so my todo list is always shifting. At the moment I feel like it is all just landing at my feet. DH is working. Non-stop, as though nothing has changed but his location. I WISH this meant he was “home” by 5pm suddenly also that I could at least hear myself think long enough to put dinner together. Instead he magically finishes up each day when it just about time to sit down to dinner and feels good that he is joining us for dinner for a change. Fed employee.

Why can't you ask him to handle dinner 3X per week?

[Anonymous]

Damn, why can't he just chill? I'd be so irked if my spouse was pressuring me about doing "personal projects" during a freaking PANDEMIC. This is a time for self-care, relax, relate, release. Maybe you should get on his wave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has been “working” about 2 hours per day and watching crap TV. I see this as a huge opportunity to so some personal projects. It’s a real turn off to watch someone just waste away. Anybody relate?

I carefully prepped for the family, buying extra toilet paper in the beginning of February. I told my husband to continue to get more when he did the grocery shopping as 'I think that we would be in for a ride.' He ignored me, sneering at me when I discovered that he had used 1/2 our stock and questioned him. About a week ago said to me "well, you might want to get more toilet paper". I laughed and said "There IS NO MORE ON THE SHELVES". To prove it, my son sent him photos. I did have some stockpiled downstairs but no way it's going to last us until end April or later (I ordered some and they only say "April shipping". I called and they said no guarantees on that either.

While he apologized, this has been a constant problem in 22 years of marriage - undermining everything I try to accomplish, sneering arrogantly at me, calling me crazy, etc. Kids are grown, parents are moving East in October, and I'm OUT!

Wait... are you the wife from the other thread who said that your husband mocked you for prepping, etc, but then he told you that you were right and we said that he only told you that just so you would clean his bathroom for him??

Are you the same wife??

Don't know. But understand I'd clean the bathrooms regardless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He has been “working” about 2 hours per day and watching crap TV. I see this as a huge opportunity to so some personal projects. It’s a real turn off to watch someone just waste away. Anybody relate?

I carefully prepped for the family, buying extra toilet paper in the beginning of February. I told my husband to continue to get more when he did the grocery shopping as 'I think that we would be in for a ride.' He ignored me, sneering at me when I discovered that he had used 1/2 our stock and questioned him. About a week ago said to me "well, you might want to get more toilet paper". I laughed and said "There IS NO MORE ON THE SHELVES". To prove it, my son sent him photos. I did have some stockpiled downstairs but no way it's going to last us until end April or later (I ordered some and they only say "April shipping". I called and they said no guarantees on that either.

While he apologized, this has been a constant problem in 22 years of marriage - undermining everything I try to accomplish, sneering arrogantly at me, calling me crazy, etc. Kids are grown, parents are moving East in October, and I'm OUT!

There's really no reason for you to be stockpiling TP. People like you are the reason there's none left in the damn stores.

[Anonymous]

OP says: I unwind much less easily than he does".

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's depressed. I sure am and haven't had the energy to do jackshit.

[Anonymous]

I feel like going into hibernation mode is going to make this time pass a lot more quickly. Feeling like I had to do a lot of make work to stay busy & appease my spouse would be really annoying.

[Anonymous]

OP, he may be really stressed out, and stress makes people (1) tired, which can equal lazy, and (2) not want to do anything, like frozen out of fear. Seriously, lay off him. If you had kids or pets or something and he wasn't helping with them, that would be one thing. But you don't, so leave him alone.

-Wife