What paperwork is needed to ensure child doesn't go into foster care if both parents die

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you should have a will already. Not because of a virus. Second, no kids don?t automatically go to foster care. That is a last resort. If there are relatives who are able to care for a child, kid will go there first. Seriously people, who doesn?t make a will when you have a child?

We don't have anyone. MIL is bipolar and refuses to medicate, FIL is married with an alcoholic woman who still drinks and drives and does drugs despite DUIs, SIL brings random guys to live with her and her kids after dating them for 1-2 weeks, ex-h also in and out and on opioids. FIL has dogs who bit my DC2's face and refuses to even lock them when we visit. My parents are old and abroad, my brother's son is autistic and my SIL is overwhelmed with his care.

So pick a friend.

This was the plan, however my H refuses all my proposed choices. The family I'm closest with are super strong antivaxx and circumspect of modern medicine, so he nixed that one. From his side, the families that are interested in taking care of our kids are Trump supporters and gun owners, so he's not comfortable with them either. My other three closest friends are single and childless.

Single and childless could still be a good option.

I have a single and childless friend who I picked over family.

PP, you more than most others NEED a will to specify. Otherwise the courts will likely give the kids to one of the family members you already nixed. Agree that single and childless friend sounds like the best option under these circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you should have a will already. Not because of a virus. Second, no kids don?t automatically go to foster care. That is a last resort. If there are relatives who are able to care for a child, kid will go there first. Seriously people, who doesn?t make a will when you have a child?

We don't have anyone. MIL is bipolar and refuses to medicate, FIL is married with an alcoholic woman who still drinks and drives and does drugs despite DUIs, SIL brings random guys to live with her and her kids after dating them for 1-2 weeks, ex-h also in and out and on opioids. FIL has dogs who bit my DC2's face and refuses to even lock them when we visit. My parents are old and abroad, my brother's son is autistic and my SIL is overwhelmed with his care.

So pick a friend.

This was the plan, however my H refuses all my proposed choices. The family I'm closest with are super strong antivaxx and circumspect of modern medicine, so he nixed that one. From his side, the families that are interested in taking care of our kids are Trump supporters and gun owners, so he's not comfortable with them either. My other three closest friends are single and childless.

Well I guess you and hubby better not die at the same time.

No kidding; we went to a wedding recently and took separate airplanes. Unfortunately, I asked the single and childless ones and they can't do it. I need my own version of a kibbutz or my H needs to get over his Trump phobia and we needs to get the kids some gun safety lessons.

[Anonymous]

Pick someone Op, or someone else will choose for you. No one is perfect but you have to decide who can do the best job raising your kids. Don?t fail to decide because the decision is difficult. That would be an awful legacy to leave your kids if something awful happened?the knowledge that you failed to think about their future and make decisions about how they would be cared for. Creating a will is an act of love and kindness for everyone else around you, especially your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do I need a will? Honest question. If we both die, assets will go to our kids right? And if they are minors, a family member would have rights...right?! We trust all our parents and siblings to do the right thing/best they can.

I hope this is a troll post. If not, PSA - it's highly irresponsible to leave it up to your family to fight over custody of your kids.

[Anonymous]

Growing up, no one in my family that I know of. We never had anything to leave for family, except for a house. My mom's parents decided they didn't want to care for her, so she ended up in the care of family members. A first cousin of mine had the same thing happen to her. They eventually both ended up being raised by my great grandmother. She would take any family member's child. Even for short periods of time. I don't think either "adoption" was legalized. She may have had custody, but that was likely it. I know my parents would do the same for me. I still established a will. No guessing what will, or should happen.

[Anonymous]

I think in a situation where a child becomes orphaned and the parents have ANY relatives or friends they are actually involved with, CPS would not even come into it initially, courts and agencies become involved at the point where someone who has taken immediate responsibility for the kid(s) is subsequently formalizing the arrangements. Just like how many people without money take on the care of a family member's child(ren) for other reasons (drugs, jail, health issues, etc). Generally, CPS would be called because someone else is on the scene officially (hospital social worker, EMT and police responding to a death in the home) and identify a child nobody seems to be taking responsibility for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in a situation where a child becomes orphaned and the parents have ANY relatives or friends they are actually involved with, CPS would not even come into it initially, courts and agencies become involved at the point where someone who has taken immediate responsibility for the kid(s) is subsequently formalizing the arrangements. Just like how many people without money take on the care of a family member's child(ren) for other reasons (drugs, jail, health issues, etc). Generally, CPS would be called because someone else is on the scene officially (hospital social worker, EMT and police responding to a death in the home) and identify a child nobody seems to be taking responsibility for.

Why would you leave any of that to chance? Insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do I need a will? Honest question. If we both die, assets will go to our kids right? And if they are minors, a family member would have rights...right?! We trust all our parents and siblings to do the right thing/best they can.

I thought it went straight to probate, and that was the reason to create living trusts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in a situation where a child becomes orphaned and the parents have ANY relatives or friends they are actually involved with, CPS would not even come into it initially, courts and agencies become involved at the point where someone who has taken immediate responsibility for the kid(s) is subsequently formalizing the arrangements. Just like how many people without money take on the care of a family member's child(ren) for other reasons (drugs, jail, health issues, etc). Generally, CPS would be called because someone else is on the scene officially (hospital social worker, EMT and police responding to a death in the home) and identify a child nobody seems to be taking responsibility for.

Why would you leave any of that to chance? Insane.

Whether or not it is insane, many people do leave it to chance, and I'll bet most people who have no significant assets don't have a will. I'm just saying that simply because there is no will does not automatically mean CPS enters the picture.

Plus, even guardianship that was agreed to prior to demise is going to require the court to oversee and sign off on it, right? And that means a guardian ad litem or custody investigator or someone like that is going to step in to review the circumstances.

According to Gallup:

Likely reflecting those age and socioeconomic differences, nonwhite adults (28%) are about half as likely as white adults (51%) to have a will. Given the relationships between age and income and having a will, the percentage who say they have a will rises to 75% among upper-income Americans aged 55 and older.

--which suggests that even among whites, the majority of younger adults with children probably don't have a will

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you should have a will already. Not because of a virus. Second, no kids don?t automatically go to foster care. That is a last resort. If there are relatives who are able to care for a child, kid will go there first. Seriously people, who doesn?t make a will when you have a child?

We don't have anyone. MIL is bipolar and refuses to medicate, FIL is married with an alcoholic woman who still drinks and drives and does drugs despite DUIs, SIL brings random guys to live with her and her kids after dating them for 1-2 weeks, ex-h also in and out and on opioids. FIL has dogs who bit my DC2's face and refuses to even lock them when we visit. My parents are old and abroad, my brother's son is autistic and my SIL is overwhelmed with his care.

So pick a friend.

This was the plan, however my H refuses all my proposed choices. The family I'm closest with are super strong antivaxx and circumspect of modern medicine, so he nixed that one. From his side, the families that are interested in taking care of our kids are Trump supporters and gun owners, so he's not comfortable with them either. My other three closest friends are single and childless.

Single and childless could still be a good option.

I have a single and childless friend who I picked over family.

In the event of your death, with no will? Family would have the biggest claim. So unless you want the kids with your dysfunctional family, you need a will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you should have a will already. Not because of a virus. Second, no kids don?t automatically go to foster care. That is a last resort. If there are relatives who are able to care for a child, kid will go there first. Seriously people, who doesn?t make a will when you have a child?

We don't have anyone. MIL is bipolar and refuses to medicate, FIL is married with an alcoholic woman who still drinks and drives and does drugs despite DUIs, SIL brings random guys to live with her and her kids after dating them for 1-2 weeks, ex-h also in and out and on opioids. FIL has dogs who bit my DC2's face and refuses to even lock them when we visit. My parents are old and abroad, my brother's son is autistic and my SIL is overwhelmed with his care.

So pick a friend.

This was the plan, however my H refuses all my proposed choices. The family I'm closest with are super strong antivaxx and circumspect of modern medicine, so he nixed that one. From his side, the families that are interested in taking care of our kids are Trump supporters and gun owners, so he's not comfortable with them either. My other three closest friends are single and childless.

Well I guess you and hubby better not die at the same time.

No kidding; we went to a wedding recently and took separate airplanes. Unfortunately, I asked the single and childless ones and they can't do it. I need my own version of a kibbutz or my H needs to get over his Trump phobia and we needs to get the kids some gun safety lessons.

How old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

Do you know if courts will fight it if your will leaves custody to a relative who resides outside the U.S.?

I'm having trouble believing that you can will custody like it's an asset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know if courts will fight it if your will leaves custody to a relative who resides outside the U.S.?

I'm having trouble believing that you can will custody like it's an asset.

The court won't contest your will, but family members can and do contest wills if they feel they have reason.