If you have an excellent memory, tell us it's pros and cons

[Anonymous]

19:01 PP to 13:48 PP/social "awkwardness thing"

I so needed to read your perspective. It's enlightening! Really, I also get insulted and sulk quietly when people do not remember meeting me, or feel embarrassed that I recall the person's name, when we met, maybe what we talked about, etc. I was directing this inward: did I not make any impression? Am I boring and forgettable or unfriendly?

I realize that I am the odd one. I do have to *not* show my hand so as to avoid seeming like a stalker. I could frighten people.

Something interesting that happened today at work regarding my memory; I was signing in attendees for a conference. A manager asked about three different people and told me their names. I knew immediately that I'd not seen these people, but tried to act like a normal person so consulted my computer list to confirm.

[Anonymous]

almost photographic memory which now age 51 is not as sharp as it was, but previously:

found studying for tests straight-forward
never had to learn my lines when acting (which I did for about a decade) - said them once or twice and they were "in" my head
always remember faces and names
for years could remember every phone number of every relative and friend ever (until cell phones negated the need to "Dial")
always remember my CC numbers in full etc

Cons - I don't know if there have been any cons except now I'm noticing its not as sharp as it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The awkwardness thing is huge!

NP here.

I remember people easily, including small conversations we may have had in passing. I often feel awkward when speaking to an acquaintance and I know all about them but they barely even remember that we once spoke. I spend a lot of time thinking about what is the 'normal' amount of remembering to try and avoid looking rude (acting like I am meeting them for the first time) and wayyy to invested (because I remember all this random sh*t about them).

I also used to get bent out of shape when I was younger and used to remember everything about others, but they didn't remember everything about me. I wondered if I didn't 'matter' to them. It took a while to realize that *I* was the odd one...

Like others have said, though, it definitely was a major advantage in school. It actually let me excel in an academic environment despite my ADHD.

I have this too. I can remember minute details of people’s lives I met once. It always irritates me when they don’t remember me. OTOH, it’s great because I’m a therapist and it really helps in my job.

[Anonymous]

I think it is all good, no cons.

If you have anxiety perhaps some of the negative memory-retention would be a con.

If you feel a need to verbally overdescribe or correct others if they get a detail wrong, this would be a con.

Just be mellow about it all and it's a blessing.

-partial photographic memory for testing. I remember what page/part of the page specific details are on in policies which is helpful when having to refer others to something when we are over the phone or not in the same room. I can remember where we were/what we were wearing when we have certain conversations BUT I've learned not to remind people of the details so much if they deny my version of events as it freaks them out to know I am remembering all the details and they are in fact wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is all good, no cons.

If you have anxiety perhaps some of the negative memory-retention would be a con.

If you feel a need to verbally overdescribe or correct others if they get a detail wrong, this would be a con.

Just be mellow about it all and it's a blessing.

-partial photographic memory for testing. I remember what page/part of the page specific details are on in policies which is helpful when having to refer others to something when we are over the phone or not in the same room. I can remember where we were/what we were wearing when we have certain conversations BUT I've learned not to remind people of the details so much if they deny my version of events as it freaks them out to know I am remembering all the details and they are in fact wrong.

Just to add, For those interested, those with autism lay down THICK memory tracks so if any of you (especially those speaking of the social awkwardness) are on the spectrum, this may be correlated. My older sister has very high functioning autism and I've had to coach her in not trying to cue/flag other's memories when it is not there for them as it is not helpful/it makes her look like a stalker, as mentioned here. She doesn't pick up on the social cues so as people say 'that's amazing!..." and back away, she is following them, feeling encouraged and providing more details The prevailing theory is that it's related to the different wiring and that because they don't pick up on other cues, their memory is much more rich, unable to edit for details as they are unable to sort out what is important. So basically, their neurodiversity/'flaws' are actually are helpful.

I find it fascinating. I have memories going back to around 2.5 yrs old but my sister has memories from around 1 year of age. She doesn't just 'repeat' stories she's heard, but relives/describes clothing, location, etc- more than the adults who believe they remember best. She's so good that if we disagree on a memory (rare), I side with hers, knowing that she likely picked up on more of it, being a little older. We try not to talk about certain things in front of others as it freaks them out/we look weird due to the amount of detail/vocal impressions/etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was extremely messy as a kid and young adult. I could always remember where everything was, so I didn't prioritize neatness and organization.

I was the same. It’s been a slow yet steady decline since having kids and turning 30. The silly, yet helpful, way this benefits me is that I am excellent at grocery shopping. I can remember where almost everything is even if I haven’t been to the store in months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a near-perfect auditory memory with excellent recall. It's tough in my marriage, but has given me a huge advantage at work. I can recall intricate details of meetings and action even from years ago, which is insanely useful for issue spotting, or when we encounter similar situations or need to learn and grow.

Same here and I think I was born this way. I remember my mom being pregnant with my brother; I was 2 years old. I remember her going into labor and then picking up my brother from the hospital. I'm 44 and I remember papers I wrote in elementary school. On the negative side, I remember every little thing my MIL and fil told me that upset me. Even 15 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The awkwardness thing is huge!

NP here.

I remember people easily, including small conversations we may have had in passing. I often feel awkward when speaking to an acquaintance and I know all about them but they barely even remember that we once spoke. I spend a lot of time thinking about what is the 'normal' amount of remembering to try and avoid looking rude (acting like I am meeting them for the first time) and wayyy to invested (because I remember all this random sh*t about them).

I also used to get bent out of shape when I was younger and used to remember everything about others, but they didn't remember everything about me. I wondered if I didn't 'matter' to them. It took a while to realize that *I* was the odd one...

Like others have said, though, it definitely was a major advantage in school. It actually let me excel in an academic environment despite my ADHD.

I have this too. I can remember minute details of people’s lives I met once. It always irritates me when they don’t remember me. OTOH, it’s great because I’m a therapist and it really helps in my job.

I posted previously on this thread but you made me think of something: I too have to sort of “hold back” what I remember about people because adults get weirded out that you remember tiny things from some previous interaction as if you purposely committed that to memory or something (they have no idea your brain does this to and for everyone). However, as a teacher, it’s a HUGE asset because I remember everything about my kids. I can look at their names in the roster before meeting them and then at the meet the teacher day before school starts I greet them by name and they feel super special. The first journal prompt my kids did this year back in August was their favorite thing to eat. Last week, FEBRUARY, I was talking to one girl and was trying to explain metaphors and a kid jumped in with “compare it to your favorite thing to eat.” I said “OH, her favorite thing to eat is chicken and dumplings” because I remembered reading that back in August. I have 145 kids- the fact I remember things about them like that ALWAYS makes them happy. They believe they’re not noticed for being special at this age, especially by teachers, so though it’s awkward with adults, it really does help me in my job with teenagers.

[Anonymous]

56 yo. Eidetic memory for everything but faces.

In school through HS, I found the process to be awful because of the repetition. If I got it the first time, why did I have to keep going over it? Net result was poor performance through HS because I did not do my Homework. I had a a 2.4 GPA and was in the bottom half of my class. But very god SATs (1560 in 1981). I did not get into a good college.

In college, though, I found it easy -- essentially straight A's for the first two years, in physics. Transferred to a top school. Suddenly I had to learn how to derive. Presented a challenge. One bad semester, then I figured out I had to do the HW until I understood how to do the problems.

In grad school the only challenge was learning how to write so I could write my dissertation.

Professionally.It has been a huge asset. I can recall the details of any meeting I have been in; sometimes people verify what I said, but mostly they just accept it. As an example, there was a discussion on a technical approach to a problem in May of 2016....I mention that back in 1998, we discussed the same issue, and reached a different conclusion -- and the problem space had not changed. Because of my memory, I was able to save a customer about 1.5 million in analysis and avoided a bad decision.

Romantically it has been a curse. I remember every discussion which pisses off my wife. I remember every date, every vacation, every visit to family. And I remember every problem -- I can not forget, for example, the time she slept with someone else while we were dating...I also remember every past partner in exquisite detail....and have been known to romanticize them (not good).

[Anonymous]

Y’all are my people! The social effects of over remembering used to really vex me but now I just own it. I remember lots of details about people, it’s just how my brain works and doesn’t make me creepy or obsessive since I’m not even trying to do it.

One question for the thread, am I the only one who uses marijuana to ratchet my memory down to a more normal level? Otherwise I can really perseverate about past hurts.

[Anonymous]

Cons are expecting other people to remember as well as you. It can be a little frustrating at times. And the steep decline after menopause.
And excellent memories usually go with higher intelligence so there’s that.

[Anonymous]

Easy to learn stuff. Annoying dealing with people who can't remember sh!t, can't forget bad things that happen.

[Anonymous]

What’s difficult is suddenly realizing at some point that other people don’t have the same memory skills. We project into the world that everyone is the same as we are.

It’s been great in my career but socially I pretend I don’t remember things because it’s awkward.

Example: Good: yes, I remember that conversation from a VIP in 2002. Here’s the email thread too. Bad: yes, I remember we had a date, you later told me me you loved me oddly. I don’t think you remember that first date 10 years later.

A blessing and a curse.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes I’m too confident and it turns out I’m wrong. But not too often.

[Anonymous]

Remembering a breakup or losing a job isn't a sign of a great memory. Nobody forgets those things, but they do not obsess over them and reply getting fired 20 years later. That is another problem entirely.