Advice on possible domestic abuse/homeless scenario

[Anonymous]

I am confused. REALLY confused.

-Does the mom live in her car and not with Larla and her grandparents? But now Larla is going to live with the mom in the car?
-Where is the dad? Is he in the house? Out of the picture now? -Is this his parents' house or the mom's parents' house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I need some advice on how to handle this situation. My girls (6 and 7) are friends with another child (age 6). This child, Larla, lives in the neighborhood and is in the same class as my 6-year-old. I see her at the bus stop usually with her grandmother or grandfather and we are friendly with the family, but they have never accepted an invitation for the girls to play so I haven’t gotten very close. I never thought anything other than they aren’t very social or don’t want Larla at a stranger’s house. I have seen Larla’s mom at the bus stop but she never speaks or gets out of her car – she’s also very young, maybe 20 or slightly older.

Yesterday, my girls were hugging Larla after they got of the bus and crying when they came to me (I wait across the street). They said Larla has to move because her father beat her mother and her grandfather said they have to go away. Apparently, it is the grandparents house. They also said that Larla’s mom doesn’t have any money and she lives in her car now. They cried all night long for Larla and her mom. I 100% believe my girls, this isn’t something that they would make up and they were so distraught I know that Larla told them this story. I also believe Larla is a sweet, kind girl and don’t see a reason for her to lie. Side note- my 6-year old often packs extra food for Larla in her lunch box because Larla buys lunch but is always hungry and sometime falls asleep in class.

My question is what do I do and how can I help? I know I’m a stranger, I don’t have any solid proof to call child services and that could make it worse. I have never witnessed violence, never even saw the dad. The grandparents are kind, always there at the bus stop. I’m just at a loss – for Larla who seems to be in a troubled home and for my kids who now know that children and moms can be hurt. I’m ready to let Larla move in with us but I feel so helpless.

And if your response is to "mind my business" then please tell me how to explain that to my girls. How do I tell them that mommy can't help a friend in need?

Write a note to the mom, put in a sealed envelope and have your girls give it to their friend at school. In the note I would explain who you are, include information to the nearby domestic shelters for women, offer old clothes if you have them and maybe $$ for dinner so they can go out and have "normal" family night. If you are willing to take them in, you can say that too and provide your number so she can call you.

NO NO NO. This may get Larla in trouble for discussing private family matters with strangers. The dynamics of an abusive family are complex - don’t go wading in with nothing but good intentions.

[Anonymous]

f the grandparents aren’t interested in play dates or socializing outside the bus stop setting, there is a teeny tiny chance at best they would share any details with you, a stranger to them. You’re more likely to get a fxck off in response.

If Mom is that young there’s a non trivial chance there was something nasty going on there, like non consensual sex.

(OP, there is a chance your Mom sided with your step dad even if someone were called about your situation. For example: Were there any trips to relatives w/o stepdad that abruptly ended when you were growing up?)

Contact your school counselor and/or CPS about a possible homeless student. You can do this.

You doing anything more will require cooperation from people who might not want to cooperate. Reaching out to Mom may be a rabbit hole from which your family will emerge more cynical and hardened. (If she’s an addict, for example, be prepared for 1am calls for $$$ and possible burglary.)

But it seems folks are always ready to close ranks around the bad apple in the family.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Agree with calling the school counselor. Disagree with the folks who think you should pass a note to the child or reach out to the grandparents or mother. You don’t know enough of the story. You only know what the 6 year old knows. The grandparents obviously don’t want help or friendships with neighbors or they would have accepted play dates; they certainly aren’t going to let you in on their dirty laundry now. And the mom may be experiencing mental health challenges or addiction. None of which means her child deserves to be homeless! But you don’t know enough about what’s going on here to personally intervene and potentially put your own family at risk.