Should I divorce my DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
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He’s really generous though. Always participating in charity and fundraising. He pays for all the groceries.

I’m really confused.

How long have you been married? Any children?

It sounds like you have separate finances, but most people don’t consider paying for groceries as generous. It’s just a regular household expense.

Get a divorce. Life is too short for this crap.

If the best thing you can say about your husband is that he pays for groceries, that’s really sad. Also, it’s not generous to purchase groceries for your own household. That’s not worth putting up with abuse over!

He’s got other good things.

He’s:

Intelligent
Funny
Great sense of humour
Ambitious
Teaches me many things about life
Organised

However, my main problem is that he verbally abuses me often by name calling, yelling, putting me down, being sarcastic, mimicking me, etc.

He's a narcissist. The name calling is to keep you in your place and the behaviors you listed are all abusive. I honestly don't think therapy is going to get this guy to change. Calling you a dog and dirt is beyond disrespectful and let's be clear here: you NEVER deserve it. It's his abuse that leads to you believe that you do. Check out narcsite.com and Chump Lady's site. You'll learn a lot and then hopefully you'll leave. This is no way to live.

[Anonymous]

If you want children,picture how you feel when he puts you down for doing something human. Now picture a young child feeling the same way multiple times a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
.
.
.
He’s really generous though. Always participating in charity and fundraising. He pays for all the groceries.

I’m really confused.

How long have you been married? Any children?

It sounds like you have separate finances, but most people don’t consider paying for groceries as generous. It’s just a regular household expense.

Get a divorce. Life is too short for this crap.

If the best thing you can say about your husband is that he pays for groceries, that’s really sad. Also, it’s not generous to purchase groceries for your own household. That’s not worth putting up with abuse over!

He’s got other good things.

He’s:

Intelligent
Funny
Great sense of humour
Ambitious
Teaches me many things about life
Organised

However, my main problem is that he verbally abuses me often by name calling, yelling, putting me down, being sarcastic, mimicking me, etc.

Do NOT have children with this man. He will do this to them too. I repeat - he will do this to them too. If you hear nothing else on this thread, please hear this. You have the opportunity to escape. Take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave now. Please.
You have no kids. You are SO free.
Once you have kids, you are kind of stuck.
Ask me how I know this.

+1

[Anonymous]

You are already sorry deep into being abused by him that you can’t tell how bad this is.

Yes, absolutely divorce him. And do not have sex with him without 2 forms of birth control. He is not going to let his punching bag go easily. Getting you pregnant is the easiest way to keep you under his control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
.
.
.
He’s really generous though. Always participating in charity and fundraising. He pays for all the groceries.

I’m really confused.

How long have you been married? Any children?

It sounds like you have separate finances, but most people don’t consider paying for groceries as generous. It’s just a regular household expense.

Get a divorce. Life is too short for this crap.

If the best thing you can say about your husband is that he pays for groceries, that’s really sad. Also, it’s not generous to purchase groceries for your own household. That’s not worth putting up with abuse over!

He’s got other good things.

He’s:

Intelligent
Funny
Great sense of humour
Ambitious
Teaches me many things about life
Organised

However, my main problem is that he verbally abuses me often by name calling, yelling, putting me down, being sarcastic, mimicking me, etc.

Do NOT have children with this man. He will do this to them too. I repeat - he will do this to them too. If you hear nothing else on this thread, please hear this. You have the opportunity to escape. Take it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today I got verbally abused. He was in the living room and I was in the kitchen. I opened the fridge and knocked into something, then a glass plate smashed onto the ground. He then came to see the mess and called me a dog.

The verbal abuse is not daily, but it’s often. I usually get called filthy, dog, piece of dirt, etc, whenever I do something wrong. Sometimes I feel I deserve it. But other times I feel it’s uncalled for.

He’s really generous though. Always participating in charity and fundraising. He pays for all the groceries.

I’m really confused.

No, no decent person calls their spouse that. He is sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Before you get a divorce you should at least tell him not to ever talk to you like that again. Stand up for yourself. See what he does.

I agree.
But make sure to discuss it when the two of you are completely alone, not rushed & will not be interrupted.
Also, make sure that he is in one of his better moods too.

Tell him seriously how hurtful his words are to you.
Stress that he must stop talking down to you in the future, that you will + cannot accept his name-calling.
Be 100% consistent w/standing up for yourself.

If he still calls you names (and NO, you never deserve it! ), or thinks it is no big deal, then you can either go to couples therapy or if you are just over it all, then really no one could blame you for leaving your marriage.

To be verbally chagrined in your own home is not a healthy life for you.

Wishing you only the best.
Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before you get a divorce you should at least tell him not to ever talk to you like that again. Stand up for yourself. See what he does.

I agree.
But make sure to discuss it when the two of you are completely alone, not rushed & will not be interrupted.
Also, make sure that he is in one of his better moods too.

Tell him seriously how hurtful his words are to you.
Stress that he must stop talking down to you in the future, that you will + cannot accept his name-calling.
Be 100% consistent w/standing up for yourself.

If he still calls you names (and NO, you never deserve it! ), or thinks it is no big deal, then you can either go to couples therapy or if you are just over it all, then really no one could blame you for leaving your marriage.

To be verbally chagrined in your own home is not a healthy life for you.

Wishing you only the best.
Hugs.

This. You need to discuss this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who calls someone a “dog?” Like is that an insult? Weirdo. Must be from a Muslim country where dogs aren’t revered and accepted as family members.

I would guess this is accurate. Her spelling of "humour" plus the dog insult. Americans love dogs.

[Anonymous]

Are you serious?what kind of man calls his wife those things??? Honestly I was shocked by what you wrote. That is most definitely abusive. And then to blame you is classic abuser syndrome — he doesn’t WANT to call you those things but you MADE him?? You need to talk to a marriage counselor and read some books on abusive men. He’s one step away from beating you. And, by the way, all those “positives” do not excuse or make up for his other behavior. I can promise you this: it will get worse and it will get harder to leave. Do yourself a favor and walk now.

[Anonymous]

Previous poster. Agree with another commenter who said he is sick. I also think he’s psycho. And my advice to walk is coming from someone who believes divorce is the absolute last option.

[Anonymous]

NP. Please, do not have children with this person. This is abuse. I am doubtful that any amount of talking can resolve this. I fully support divorce in this situation and wish you lots of love and strength. Call a hotline, get a therapist, or just jump ship. You can live without him, you can thrive and soar without him. You can do it!