Does this rub you the wrong way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - you are wrong to expect such a high level of sophistication from someone, whose best career opportunity, is this job.

it might be her best career option at the moment. Don’t be judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I couldn’t have a nanny. At the end of the day, you have a business relationship with this person. Yet it easily becomes muddled because of the closeness. Because she’s close to you, she could ask for a change in her payment schedule. And because she’s close to you, you’re miffed that she didn’t say thank you.

The danger here is how long you’ll hold on to this. My guess is that if you had it in you to write a 5-paragraph post here, this will sit with you for a long while. It will color everything. The nanny will call one morning saying she’s sick and you’ll question it. You might not say anything, but you’ll wonder. She’ll do something with your kid that you don’t like but isn’t a huge deal. But you’ll make it a bigger deal than it needs to be because you’ll still be judging her for not saying thank you at Christmas.

You have to figure out how to let this go quickly. I’d ask Jeff to remove this thread so that you don’t keep coming back to it and stoke the fire.

NP here and I’m sorry you let the complexity of managing a nanny relationship force you into putting your kids in daycare. Even a “high quality” daycare is vastly inferior to a good nanny and should only be used as a last resort if finances dictate. Otherwise you should suck it up and put in the effort of managing the relationship. It actually helps you manage a team at work and vice versa.

Thanks for the laugh. And the work advice.
We ended up choosing an in-home daycare that had 6 kids that was very close to my work. Our provider had 2 helpers, and years later we’re still in touch with her. I credit her with helping our daughter become the confident, caring kid that she is. Working with an in-home provider was best for our family. My kid was well-cared for and I didn’t have to manage salaries, taxes, late arrivals, etc. All of that contributed to lower stress at work and allowed me to be a great manager at work where I lead a very large team.
No need to feel sorry for me or my family. We all make the best decision for our family.

Of course we do! Some have to leave their kids with an 85yo grandma, or a random neighbor, or send to a home daycare. We all do the best we can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think it’s a red flag. I don’t expect a thank you for a bonus: we give them every year. But.
The flag to me is that she’s been working for you for 90 days. She gets a year end bonus plus paid vacation for this next week. That’s 3 paychecks at once. She’s asking because she needs it. That brings me to why?
A person who is living beyond their means for any reason (or is just greedy) is a problem. You obviously don’t know her well since it’s been such a short time. Trust your gut.

Why? Because she's not making very much money and it's the holiday season and she probably had some extra bills to pay. The OP OFFERED to pay her early.

Jesus have a little empathy and get your head out of your ass. Many, many people live paycheck to paycheck. Which has little to do with whether or not this person is well equipped to take care of someone's kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with everyone else.

Yes she should've said thanks for the bonus. But it's not a big deal and one week is standard, not "very generous."

More importantly, she asked how payment would be handled when you were gone, a reasonable question. You responded not just with an answer, but with a question to her of whether she'd prefer you handle it some other way. You put it in her court! You should've just answered the question. So that she came back and asked if you would consider paying her early is fine. You invited it!

Move on. It's really not a big deal. And if you think it is, it's YOUR responsibility to establish boundaries.

Yes a week is standard but it’s not generous after working with us for just a few months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I totally disagree with everyone else.

Yes she should've said thanks for the bonus. But it's not a big deal and one week is standard, not "very generous."

More importantly, she asked how payment would be handled when you were gone, a reasonable question. You responded not just with an answer, but with a question to her of whether she'd prefer you handle it some other way. You put it in her court! You should've just answered the question. So that she came back and asked if you would consider paying her early is fine. You invited it!

Move on. It's really not a big deal. And if you think it is, it's YOUR responsibility to establish boundaries.

Yes a week is standard but it’s not generous after working with us for just a few months?

It's standard, so no, not particularly generous.

[Anonymous]

No reason to write a "thank you" note for a "thank you" gift.

[Anonymous]

Did she say thanks in person when you handed her the extra money? Maybe she thought you were paying her in advance for next week and wanted to somehow clarify hence the questions about payment for the vacation week?

[Anonymous]

Of course it is very generous to give a week’s pay when nanny has only worked there 3 months!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I think it’s a red flag. I don’t expect a thank you for a bonus: we give them every year. But.
The flag to me is that she’s been working for you for 90 days. She gets a year end bonus plus paid vacation for this next week. That’s 3 paychecks at once. She’s asking because she needs it. That brings me to why?
A person who is living beyond their means for any reason (or is just greedy) is a problem. You obviously don’t know her well since it’s been such a short time. Trust your gut.

+1000

[Anonymous]

You are very considerate as well as generous OP.

This Nanny has worked for you for only three months - yet she got a bonus as well as a paid week!

The very least she could have done is say “Thank You.”
Her manners are atrocious.

Hopefully this is all an isolated incident.