Birthdays....my story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re they at least high end toiletries? Do you travel a lot?

They were neutragina, from a Hampton inn probably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you wrecked your post by saying you were the man and your spouse was the woman.

If you had left it ambiguous, everyone would have heaped hatred on your spouse because they would have assumed she was the man.

As soon as you identify as the man, you are mostly going to get negativity directed at you due to your gender.

Absolutely. I was making gender ambiguous. I should have left it that way. While this was my birthday...my expectation are low. And she did not meet my expectations. Nothing would have been better than waking me up to give me a jar of pasta sauce. I was not in a chair, but rather was in bed. I had been up since 4 am; I slept 3 hours the night before, because I was woken up at ten by my wife making a phone call in bed.

I know I am not a night owl. Hell, I am up at 550 AM on DCUM right now.

In the 21 years of marriage, she has never given me something I wanted. She gives me what she thinks I should want. For example, she saw I have no sweaters. So, she bought me a sweater. I have no sweaters, because I do not like them. I wore it once. Another year, she thought I need slippers, Guess what? My feet are always hot. I would rather go barefoot.

I put a lot of thought into her presents, looking at where we are and what we are going.

I take care of having a nice dinner, either I cook it, or we go out someplace decent (like Arties).

In reality, we share all of the budget. I make 95% of the income, but it goes into a joint account. And she is not busy with the kids, because it is kid. and kid is self-sufficient. And, when I am home, I take care of stuff with her.

This isn’t about your birthday at all. Fix your marriage. I’m sure there are two sides to the story.
My husband is not thoughtful about birthdays at all. Like one year he completely forgot it. We still manage to have a good marriage. You should consider letting go of the gift expectation. I did and it helped a lot.
As far as being home with a kid who is self sufficient so she’s “not busy” ...that makes me cringe. I am home with high schoolers and they are a whole lot of mental work.

[Anonymous]

Seriously you are going to have to communicate with her and find out where the disconnect is. Or stay married and be miserable. Or divorce and start over. Those are your options. It was a crappy “gift” and unless it came with a card advising you she was taking you to Italy which was the reason for the toiletries really there’s no excuse. Have a conversation and go from there. My marriage died because I could never bring myself to verbalize my unhappiness. And apparently he couldn’t either. By the time we split we were both so relieved. Don’t be me.

[Anonymous]

So we know what you don't want OP. Have you given your wife a list of what you DO want? And then not bought it for yourself?

[Anonymous]

Adults complaining about birthday gifts, yuck.

Agree this is a marriage problem not a birthday problem.

My husband and I dont exchanged birthday gifts. Do you really need more stuff? You can have a lovely and thoughtful marriage without getting stuff.

I wake up at 4-5am every day too and cannot recall falling asleep before 8pm ever in my life. You sound like a complainer OP and maybe lazy. There wasnt anything you could have done to be productive with your time (work out, clean something, fix something, support your daughter at her band stuff) instead of laying around watching tv and falling asleep at 7 while your wife runs around with your child. Your wife is probably sick of you too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not asking for advice.

Yesterday was my birthday. At work I was in all day matings. I was tired when I got home. DD had Band practice from 6:00-8:30; spouse was helping to decorate. While they were out, I had dinner (I was on my own), watched TV (Love the Big Bang Theory), and fell asleep early( during a commercial break around 7:50). Spouse wakes me up to celebrate my birthday...Spouse and kid bring out a cake...I am diabetic, so I had the smallest sliver. I then went up stars to go to bed. (I was TIRED). Spouse comes upstairs with my present. Spouse is not a good gift-giver, so expectations are low.

I am handed a Trader Joes bag. In the bag was a shoe box. In the shoe box was a basket of travel sized toiletries (toothpaste and shampoo). Oh wait, there is something else in the box...a jar of Rao's spaghetti sauce.

For this I was woken up?

BTW, I am a man, spouse is a woman. I shall now buy my own birthday gift.

It’s a normal birthday for a male. Birthday celebrations and gifts are for women and little kids. If you were a female this would be different.

[Anonymous]

"adults who whine about their birthdays" is one of those things I didn't believe existed in real life until DCUM and I'm still pretty sure it's made up

[Anonymous]

This is the guy who has one teenaged daughter and posts all the time complaining about his wife. The tone is unmistakable for any other poster.

[Anonymous]

have you considered divorce?

i really thought you were a woman before you revealed you being a husband at the end of your post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the guy who has one teenaged daughter and posts all the time complaining about his wife. The tone is unmistakable for any other poster.

the tone definitely comes off like a woman. this is a very strange post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not asking for advice.

Yesterday was my birthday. At work I was in all day matings. I was tired when I got home. DD had Band practice from 6:00-8:30; spouse was helping to decorate. While they were out, I had dinner (I was on my own), watched TV (Love the Big Bang Theory), and fell asleep early( during a commercial break around 7:50). Spouse wakes me up to celebrate my birthday...Spouse and kid bring out a cake...I am diabetic, so I had the smallest sliver. I then went up stars to go to bed. (I was TIRED). Spouse comes upstairs with my present. Spouse is not a good gift-giver, so expectations are low.

I am handed a Trader Joes bag. In the bag was a shoe box. In the shoe box was a basket of travel sized toiletries (toothpaste and shampoo). Oh wait, there is something else in the box...a jar of Rao's spaghetti sauce.

For this I was woken up?

BTW, I am a man, spouse is a woman. I shall now buy my own birthday gift.

It’s a normal birthday for a male. Birthday celebrations and gifts are for women and little kids. If you were a female this would be different.

As a guy I have to agree. The gift sucked, yes, but I don't expect much for my birthday. If I want something I buy it myself. A card is always sufficient for me. Wife and DCs get gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the guy who has one teenaged daughter and posts all the time complaining about his wife. The tone is unmistakable for any other poster.

the tone definitely comes off like a woman. this is a very strange post

No, this guy frequently posts for sympathy. I picture him as Eeyore but with a beer gut.

[Anonymous]

OP, why not communicate with your wife and let her know what you like in gifts? Why are you complaining to us instead? If she doesn’t know this about you, it won’t be fixed. Make it better for yourself by communicating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the guy who has one teenaged daughter and posts all the time complaining about his wife. The tone is unmistakable for any other poster.

the tone definitely comes off like a woman. this is a very strange post

No, this guy frequently posts for sympathy. I picture him as Eeyore but with a beer gut.

i just picture him as a loser in general.

did op eat a pint of ice cream as a result of his "bad" birthday experience?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"adults who whine about their birthdays" is one of those things I didn't believe existed in real life until DCUM and I'm still pretty sure it's made up

Adult males who complain, is more like it.