If you SAH and are a solid introvert

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Of course you can be a SAHM and an introvert. Fundamentally, the question is, how do you re-charge? Extroverts can recharge in the company of others; introverts recharge when alone. OP, you’ve gotten some good ideas on how to get some alone time. One that hasn’t been mentioned is to join a gym with childcare. You’ve got this!

- fellow introverted mom who has wah and sah

I am this poster. I meant to write that I have both WOH and SAH, so it is also true that I have WAH.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if it’s living in the city more than being a SAHM that’s getting to you.

I feel like being an introvert is one of the things that makes SAH life good. But I live in an area where I am able to take my children on a lot of nature walks, cook a lot, paint a lot, and just do some quieter things. If we go out, there are multiple museums, theaters, playgrounds, and libraries that are quiet on a weekday in the middle of the day. I see friends at a weekly playgroup, and we have DHs friends over for dinner on Sunday evenings, and that’s enough social interaction for me.

What did you do before you became a SAHM, OP? Is there a way to get some of that back?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I think it’s more about being alone than it is about having a problem with DS. I love the time I spend with him and I enjoy watching him play at parks and library, but at night I am just completely fried from having being around people constantly and then DH comes home and it’s like he immediately pounces wanting to talk about work problems and triumphs, fixing up the house, plans for the week and weekend, and really all I want to do is veg out alone with a book or the tv. The other night DH got home late at 9:30 so I had an entire hour alone after putting DS to bed and it was heaven. I feel bad saying that but it was. I don’t have problems with DH either, I just want to be completely alone for a portion of the day or week regardless of whose company I’m in.

[Anonymous]

Never run errands or grocery shop without your kid(s). That way, they get used to learning how to behave in public and what it takes to run a household, and you get alone time when they are at daycare/school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t sleep enough. That’s how.

Yep, I spent 3 years way too sleep deprived because I would stay up past midnight because I was so relieved to be alone. It was a bad idea. I wish I slept more. I don't really know what the solution is because I WFH now and my kids are in school 6 hours/day and I really feel that the only way to get enough alone time is to leave my family to live by myself. haha. It's still really freaking nice to be home when nobody else is for a nice chunk of time. You might have to wait it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if it’s living in the city more than being a SAHM that’s getting to you.

I feel like being an introvert is one of the things that makes SAH life good. But I live in an area where I am able to take my children on a lot of nature walks, cook a lot, paint a lot, and just do some quieter things. If we go out, there are multiple museums, theaters, playgrounds, and libraries that are quiet on a weekday in the middle of the day. I see friends at a weekly playgroup, and we have DHs friends over for dinner on Sunday evenings, and that’s enough social interaction for me.

What did you do before you became a SAHM, OP? Is there a way to get some of that back?

This is DC. These things are really easy and accessible here too. Residential DC is very quiet. I doubt OP lives on 14th and U.

[Anonymous]

OP again. DS is taking the rare nap so I am checking back in while getting my alone time. I do take him grocery shopping and to errands and he’s actually great about it, but there are so many errands and jobs these days. Maybe the problem is that we bought a fixer and on top of medical appointments I just feel like I want to do nothing, by myself, at home, in silence. DH is a talker and thinks out loud, which doesn’t help - literally follows me around talking and I’ve had to tell him I need a minute to use the bathroom. We live in the suburbs and there are plenty of quieter places, but we do have to drive everywhere, which I kind of hate. We do go to quieter playgrounds and other places which is nice, but still not the same as being alone, if you know how I feel? I do know how lucky I am and feel a little ridiculous posting about this, but I appreciate the thoughts and advice from fellow introverts.

[Anonymous]

Your problem sounds more like you and your husband are fundamentally incompatible than anything else, to be honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are very introverted and SAH with young children, how do you get your me time? I know I may get criticized for this, but I SAH with a three year old who just started morning daycare twice a week 9-12, and I still feel like I do not get time alone. A trip to Costco is an entire morning daycare time, and if I run errands or have medical appointments (I’ve had many lately), it’s still a 20min drive to pick up at daycare and that’s basically all my time alone. DH comes home from work and naturally wants to hang out, but I’m having a hard time with putting DS down at 8:30, and balancing doing evening chores, having time with DH, unwinding alone, and still going to bed at a reasonable time. How do you do it?

Introvert here and I "suffered" for a few years honestly. I would hide in the bathroom, pantry to "get away" for moments but really never was able to get that same alone time that we desperately need. I had 2 under 2 so it was really crazy. But now they are both in school and I have hours of silence and feel "whole" again. Sorry. I just empathize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think it’s more about being alone than it is about having a problem with DS. I love the time I spend with him and I enjoy watching him play at parks and library, but at night I am just completely fried from having being around people constantly and then DH comes home and it’s like he immediately pounces wanting to talk about work problems and triumphs, fixing up the house, plans for the week and weekend, and really all I want to do is veg out alone with a book or the tv. The other night DH got home late at 9:30 so I had an entire hour alone after putting DS to bed and it was heaven. I feel bad saying that but it was. I don’t have problems with DH either, I just want to be completely alone for a portion of the day or week regardless of whose company I’m in.

Do you plan to have more children?

Alone time very rare for me. I have 3 children and wish for nothing more than to be alone and get some peace and quiet.

[Anonymous]

Can you increase your DS time at school? Maybe to 5 mornings instead of 2? One mom I know send her child 9:30-6 everyday even though she doesn’t work. I think that’s a bit extreme but perhaps 5 mornings is doable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. DS is taking the rare nap so I am checking back in while getting my alone time. I do take him grocery shopping and to errands and he’s actually great about it, but there are so many errands and jobs these days. Maybe the problem is that we bought a fixer and on top of medical appointments I just feel like I want to do nothing, by myself, at home, in silence. DH is a talker and thinks out loud, which doesn’t help - literally follows me around talking and I’ve had to tell him I need a minute to use the bathroom. We live in the suburbs and there are plenty of quieter places, but we do have to drive everywhere, which I kind of hate. We do go to quieter playgrounds and other places which is nice, but still not the same as being alone, if you know how I feel? I do know how lucky I am and feel a little ridiculous posting about this, but I appreciate the thoughts and advice from fellow introverts.

With just one kid and no job, it's easy to snatch some alone time every day. Your problem is that you're not prioritizing it. You find lots of excuses, like the chores and the house fixing. Well guess what? Drop everything for me time. Schedule the me time on your phone or agenda. Get organized to do the rest in less time (if you can't get organized, you may have an executive function disorder, like ADHD).

And if you can't relax during your me time if there is something you haven't finished or need to do later that day, then you suffer from anxiety. To fix that, you can try meditation, deep breathing, yoga, live a healthier lifestyle perhaps, whatever you think will help. Or magnesium supplements. Or anxiety meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never run errands or grocery shop without your kid(s). That way, they get used to learning how to behave in public and what it takes to run a household, and you get alone time when they are at daycare/school.

This. Smart SAHM’s don’t run errands during preschool time.

[Anonymous]

I order groceries online and work out before or after DH goes to work. Weekends I can go to the mall or whatever if I want alone. Does your spouse work 247?

[Anonymous]

I am the queen of me time and I have a 3 year old who isn't in preschool/ daycare. I go to hot yoga every morning. I go out alone on the weekends while my husband takes care of ds. I go for weekend trips alone. It sounds like your spouse doesn't give you break's or you don't push hard enough for me time.