Help me decide if I should stay at home or go back to work (baby is 6 weeks old)
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Anonymous
I would like to see you come to know my delightful, well-loved child and then tell me he shouldn't have been born because of a less than ideal childcare situation for a few weeks of his life. Idiotic. I can't change the maternity laws singlehandedly. Many of us make sacrifices to have a family. My company is too small to qualify for FMLA, by the way. |
Anonymous
I hear you on what you're saying, though I disagree and I think you're having a limited view of paternal bonding that continues to be a determinant to all of us - kids, moms, dads. But that aside, it sounds like it is your experience that dad's take the time concurrently but I want to share that has very much not been my experience. It's actually fairly common in my privileged circle of friends now and yes of course the dad's take some concurrent time in the first few weeks while the mother is recovering from childbirth, but every single other Dad I know that has had access to a decent family leave policy has taken the rest of their time after the mother goes back to work. And every single one of them has reported it being a huge, huge positive for their family - allowing the baby more time before going to daycare so avoiding illness when really young and allowing ample time for baby and Dad to bond, develop their own rhythm once they are past that initial stage of yes, needing their mother biologically quite a bit. It supports Dad in developing confidence in his own parenting - doing it on his own during the day everyday. This is huge for creating a more equal space for parents in the workforce and for raising kids who have confident dads active in their lives (which research has shown is pretty darn important). You talk about "need" - of course Dad's can go back to work right away, not take time off after their wife goes back to work, and kids can still be ok (like you said my husband did that and is still a very active dad). Mom's can do that too and have their mothers, fathers, etc care for their child when they are forced to go back to work quickly as MANY MANY low income women are still forced to do. Just because it can and is done doesn't mean it's best for families or what we should be striving for. And for the record i do NOT agree that is what is actually holding back leave policies. I won't go into that, but yeah. |
Anonymous
You’re nuts. My DH took equal time, back to back with mine, and it was amazing. It’s not about what mom or dad needs. It’s about what baby needs. Baby needs a certain amount of time. Frankly, I wasn’t physically healed by 4 weeks (and some need more). But baby wasn’t ready and needed a parent - either one bc baby was still eating all the time and not STTN. All of us whose husbands take serious paternity will tell you it does wonders for avoiding default parenting. Also gets mom sleeping and out of the house to avoid PPD. And since you’re so concerned about employers, moms like me take less when dads are taking a turn and we get back to work sooner. |
Anonymous
| ^ was healed |
Anonymous
MY privilege is showing? It’s the OP who is “bummed” and making casual decision about whether to quit her job on Monday. If she can afford to SAH she can afford a few more weeks unpaid leave. She should have resolved it with her workplace beforehand. Six weeks is obscene for mother and baby and she should have considered that before having a child. |
Anonymous
I only had 6 weeks. I was a teacher, baby was supposed to come in late May and I’d have the rest of summer to be home. Baby came prematurely and I had to go back for 5 more weeks once leave was up. (Luckily DH had paid leave and grandma covered a week). Planning isn’t perfect. Had I waited until I had enough saved for 12 weeks off, I wouldn’t have had my child until 8 years later, and then you’d be telling me I was negligent for being too old to have a baby. |
Anonymous
You obviously cannot afford to take unpaid leave. OP can. |