Husband teasing young child

[Anonymous]

My father did this to me as a kid. We do not have a good relationship, and he's not allowed to see my daughter without my husband or me present.

He was a bully. He was also a young dad, 25 when I was born. Just a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Teach both your husband and child that stop means stop, and no means no.

He sounds like an asshole.

[Anonymous]

She is going to eat his brownies in front of him at the retirement home...well if she visits.

[Anonymous]

Teach your DH that children are extremely literal creatures. They do not understand sarcasm or teasing until much older than you would expect. Even when they are a little older and pretending to get the joke because they know that is what they are supposed to do, they are internalizing the jibe as "the truth about me and my worth and my place in this relationship." These become deep-seated beliefs that shape them forever.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your dh's dad did nasty stuff like this and he now thinks it is normal parenting behavior. Dh needs some help, or your daughter will stay as far away as possible as soon as she can.

[Anonymous]

OP here - I appreciate all of the suggestions and will take it more seriously than I even had been. He is a good father to her in other ways, and I definitely don't want this to wreck their relationship. I think I need to sit down with him and if he doesn't respond, propose counseling. I don't think he is a deep down mean person. Maybe immature, I have thought that before
But I don't think he realizes the damage he is doing. My daughter still wants to be with him, often preferring him over me for things like taking her to lessons, playing, doing her bathtime. So hopefully not too much irreparable damage has already been done.

[Anonymous]

You could try a water gun. That works with cats.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you NOT put the responsibility on your daughter to tell him to stop. She sees you there, seeing it happen, and you’re not stopping it. You should directly protect her by stopping the behavior. I wouldn’t be surprised (based on how I feel about my mom, because of her not intervening to protect me from my dad) if she gets a little hurt or angry with you that you don’t help or protect her when he goes at her like that. There’s such a pier dynamic with a dad. You need to step in.

And of course also tell her that when you’re not around or if she ever feels uncomfortable (even if you are around but you haven’t said something), she should always say STOP, whether it’s her dad or anyone else mistreating her.

I say this to be helpful: there’s a relationship issue developing between you and her here every time she sees you allow him to treat her this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - husband has not talked about being bullied, but has said he didn't really have friends until college. I wonder if his dad was like this with him. His dad is very jokey. My husband and I also have a very playful, jokey relationship but I am an adult. My child doesn't understand the joking/teasing like I can. Sometimes she will say "are you kidding?" and it's playful and fine. But other times, he just pushes and pushes until she gets so frustrated she is yelling, whining, hitting him. It's those interactions that make me crazy.

He is successful at work, I stay at home by choice (have a law degree), so I don't think he's doing it because he feels inferior that way. No money troubles thankfully. I do think he thinks I get more of a say in what happens with our daughter, and I often do because I spend so much more time with her. but I don't see why that would cause the more extreme behavior. Like the behavior that if it were my own child doing it, I would put her in time out or take away a privilege.

I bet your husband is a terrible, bully boss. The ones who had no friends that are now successful usually have a massive chip on their shoulder.

Yeah he sounds like a total jackass. What a weak, sad little man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teach your DH that children are extremely literal creatures. They do not understand sarcasm or teasing until much older than you would expect. Even when they are a little older and pretending to get the joke because they know that is what they are supposed to do, they are internalizing the jibe as "the truth about me and my worth and my place in this relationship." These become deep-seated beliefs that shape them forever.

I don't think this is true for a lot of teasing. The problem isn't the teasing, it's that the DH doesn't know when to stop. Wonder does he have ADHD. My kid who has ADHD just doesn't know when to stop. He gets a good reaction (say, a laugh from a friend at a potty word) and then goes on and on with the same joke long after everyone else is tired of it and him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband teases our 5-year-old daughter like he would a sibling. It is making me crazy because some teasing is ok, but he pushes and pushes until she inevitably screams, cries, starts hitting him, etc. And then he makes it like she is doing something wrong by reacting that way. He just does not pick up on her cues that it's enough. I typically hear it from another room and want to scream (and often do). I have told him often that he is instigating her and to stop. I feel like I'm watching siblings go at it. It's not demeaning type teasing like insults. It's more the stupid no I'm not, yes you are, or taunting her by saying something like, "oh, child doesn't like brownies, I'm eating the brownie." I don't know what his motivation is, but I'm so over it. Does anyone have advice?

fIL is like this but he has highly functioning autism and ADD inattentive.

He bugs both kids like no other- one of them tells him to stop, the other just stresses out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - husband has not talked about being bullied, but has said he didn't really have friends until college. I wonder if his dad was like this with him. His dad is very jokey. My husband and I also have a very playful, jokey relationship but I am an adult. My child doesn't understand the joking/teasing like I can. Sometimes she will say "are you kidding?" and it's playful and fine. But other times, he just pushes and pushes until she gets so frustrated she is yelling, whining, hitting him. It's those interactions that make me crazy.

He is successful at work, I stay at home by choice (have a law degree), so I don't think he's doing it because he feels inferior that way. No money troubles thankfully. I do think he thinks I get more of a say in what happens with our daughter, and I often do because I spend so much more time with her. but I don't see why that would cause the more extreme behavior. Like the behavior that if it were my own child doing it, I would put her in time out or take away a privilege.

Maybe he just doesn’t know how to relate to her? I don’t know - but maybe he needs ideas on how to play with her or talk to her?

[Anonymous]

I would rage on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband teases our 5-year-old daughter like he would a sibling. It is making me crazy because some teasing is ok, but he pushes and pushes until she inevitably screams, cries, starts hitting him, etc. And then he makes it like she is doing something wrong by reacting that way. He just does not pick up on her cues that it's enough. I typically hear it from another room and want to scream (and often do). I have told him often that he is instigating her and to stop. I feel like I'm watching siblings go at it. It's not demeaning type teasing like insults. It's more the stupid no I'm not, yes you are, or taunting her by saying something like, "oh, child doesn't like brownies, I'm eating the brownie." I don't know what his motivation is, but I'm so over it. Does anyone have advice?

fIL is like this but he has highly functioning autism and ADD inattentive.

He bugs both kids like no other- one of them tells him to stop, the other just stresses out

Np. My DH is also a relentlessly teaser. It hurts the children 's feelings. One to the point of depression. The other to the point of explosive rage.
DH also has high functioning autism and adhd.
It's a lack of ability to understand how others feel.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like an asshole. I would never stay married to someone who repeatedly teased our child to the point of crying and saw nothing wrong in his behavior. Honestly, the men some of you married, solely for money...