I was racist, but I unlearned it

[Anonymous]

I'm not OP, but I was raised to be racist. My parents were very racists, they spoke about N-words moving to our neighborhood in Fairfax county...in the 1990's. My parents literally told me I was dead to them if I dated a black guy (I was good friends with a black guy in high school and my parents had suspicions). We used to drive by Lorton when it was an actual jail (on the way to Potomac Mills) and my dad would mutter damn n-words.

My parents were not uneducated. My mother was a full professor at George Mason in the humanities. My father was an SES government worker. I will sometimes, though rarely, think about the various black students or employees or applicants they ran across over the years at work. Generally, they had a dismal view of black people, had a dismal view of DC, and generally believed that things were better when we "didn't have to deal with these welfare crack heads." They generally had the view all black people were uneducated trash. They still think this but they now live in a beach town down south.

I went to UVA where I joined a sorority. And yeah. It was not only racist, but had another fun layer of being classist. I heard a LOT about trash from over by '81, etc. My sorority was big in the Richmond scene and was pretty popular among NOVA girls. But the bottom of the totem pole was black people. People were again very paranoid about being seen with black guys or being seen as the type of girl who was down with the brown. It was actually an open thing! It was crazy, but the parties were fun and I was an idiot and I pretty much didn't had a coherent thought of my own beyond my parents until I left college and actually began working.

I think my own views of race changed when I moved to New York City and worked. I met a lot of people, I was broke but being free of my parents financial strings allowed me to begin to form my own thoughts and being a more realized, empathetic person. I stopped being a jerk.

I think that's why racism will never, ever end. I don't think many people are willing to admit that they believe something that makes them an inherently terrible person. No one wants to do that. It is easier to rationalize and do what happens on DCUM every time race is discussed.

I will now wait to either be ignored, pillored or shut down by people who are certain racism doesn't exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a white person who had an outhouse in 1986, OP, your prejudice is against against poor and foreign people.

FWIW, when I went out of my Appalachian community, my friends were the other outcasts....like by best friend who was transgender before it was cool, and my Chinese friend who didn’t speak English well, and my black friend who struggled like me assimilating.

All this is so much more socio-economic and cultural than race. Most white people’s “black friends” are kids of doctors. So cute how you think you get it.

Doesn't the fact that your 'outcast' friends were mostly non white negate your point?

I also think it is highly SES related. However, I didn't realize that I was racist until I live in a majority black neighborhood. Opened my eyes. Thought I was all above that but...had a lot of prejudices challenged. I'm still not all the way there but better.

I honestly think the problem with race is that it is so hard to talk about without getting that label...need to come up with a new one like "privileged handicapped" or "unconsciously biased".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cool story bro

OP here. I’m female FTR.

Cool story bra

[Anonymous]

Racism doesn’t always look like people think it looks. It’s not always big and bold and obviously wrong. It’s subtle- In both directions with regard to actions and how that is internalized

Glad you gained insight. I would just say that you sound like you grew up unreflective and perhaps that was supported in your family unit and education. It seems race history isn’t really taught in the us and black history gets a month a year in curriculums if you are lucky.

I had the opposite experience (though I am white) and race was discussed in a natural unforced way. It was part of the curriculum and classes were multicultural (Canada).

ps as far as dolls, I think the white dolls were related to what the population looked like, who had the earning power and how capitalism works. My favourite barbies were the black and Asian ones and the ken dolls because they were special/ more rare and not all my friends had them as I often got them when traveling in the US. (it actually never occurred to me friends perhaps didn’t want them...!hmmmm). By the same respect, that’s why white dolls were manufactured/still popular overseas.... because the look is rare/uncommon there. I think because of that though, it became more of a beauty standard, because how else can you interpret NOT having dolls that look like you? JMHO.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you need someone to critique your essay for class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Plenty of diversity on the toy shelf, but my daughter wants the blonde hair and blue eyes dolls...
The human eye is drawn to certain things.

OP here. I think this preference is taught by society. All of our fairy tale characters, princesses, etc. are white. So kids are taught “white is right” and “white is beautiful”. I believe this is taught.

+1, see the doll studies from Brown vs. Board--white and often black kids too internalize this societal preference for European features.

[Anonymous]

You're so woke. Can't wait for you to move to Africa.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you still working on your AA Studies degree at the community college?

[Anonymous]

You remind me of my mom who sends emails that say things like ‘everyone smilies in the same language’. She use to post on fb but no one responded- so now the emails.
Now maybe you can learn how to stop virtue signaling.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure why I’m surprised by the many dismissive comments on here, but I am. And a little disappointed.

OP wrote about something most people either avoid talking about or get defensive about- why the negativity?


OP , I think saying everyone is racist will make people who are very conscious of trying to treat everyone equally defensive- & that’s not helpful. And to the snippy posters , acknowledging that being white lets you start life with a tiny advantage (or a huge advantage) over POC does nothing to denigrate you. It’s reality. At least be open to the idea that you- a white person- are not in the position to tell a POC that racism isn’t a thing. How would you really know?

And it’s been said often but think of this example - if Obama had done one tenth of the moronic missteps Trump has done (& imagine the things we DON’T know) people would have been up in arms with variations of how dare he, etc etc. Does anyone NOT agree with that? & I’m not talking about policy decisions, I’m talking about the lies, the misogyny, his lack of character. The bar would never have been lowered so far down for a black position

[Anonymous]

It’s the wanting applause for evolving as a human. Why do you need an audience for personal growth?

[Anonymous]

Prejudice can be unlearned.

I’m a person of color and was raised to be sensitive of racism, but my parents were incredibly homophobic. Horrible baggage to take to a large urban university! I had an eye-opening freshman year. My mom’s attitudes began to change as well. My dad is a recent convert to conservativism (thanks to right wing media) and has doubled down on his anti-gay attitudes. As a result, he is missing out on his really awesome, but quite frankly gay grandchild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a white person who had an outhouse in 1986, OP, your prejudice is against against poor and foreign people.

FWIW, when I went out of my Appalachian community, my friends were the other outcasts....like by best friend who was transgender before it was cool, and my Chinese friend who didn’t speak English well, and my black friend who struggled like me assimilating.

All this is so much more socio-economic and cultural than race. Most white people’s “black friends” are kids of doctors. So cute how you think you get it.

Doesn't the fact that your 'outcast' friends were mostly non white negate your point?

I was raised a hillbilly too and no it doesn’t. Poor folk stick together more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not OP, but I was raised to be racist. My parents were very racists, they spoke about N-words moving to our neighborhood in Fairfax county...in the 1990's. My parents literally told me I was dead to them if I dated a black guy (I was good friends with a black guy in high school and my parents had suspicions). We used to drive by Lorton when it was an actual jail (on the way to Potomac Mills) and my dad would mutter damn n-words.

My parents were not uneducated. My mother was a full professor at George Mason in the humanities. My father was an SES government worker. I will sometimes, though rarely, think about the various black students or employees or applicants they ran across over the years at work. Generally, they had a dismal view of black people, had a dismal view of DC, and generally believed that things were better when we "didn't have to deal with these welfare crack heads." They generally had the view all black people were uneducated trash. They still think this but they now live in a beach town down south.

I went to UVA where I joined a sorority. And yeah. It was not only racist, but had another fun layer of being classist. I heard a LOT about trash from over by '81, etc. My sorority was big in the Richmond scene and was pretty popular among NOVA girls. But the bottom of the totem pole was black people. People were again very paranoid about being seen with black guys or being seen as the type of girl who was down with the brown. It was actually an open thing! It was crazy, but the parties were fun and I was an idiot and I pretty much didn't had a coherent thought of my own beyond my parents until I left college and actually began working.

I think my own views of race changed when I moved to New York City and worked. I met a lot of people, I was broke but being free of my parents financial strings allowed me to begin to form my own thoughts and being a more realized, empathetic person. I stopped being a jerk.

I think that's why racism will never, ever end. I don't think many people are willing to admit that they believe something that makes them an inherently terrible person. No one wants to do that. It is easier to rationalize and do what happens on DCUM every time race is discussed.

I will now wait to either be ignored, pillored or shut down by people who are certain racism doesn't exist.

Agree with this and the OP. Thanks for posting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a white person who had an outhouse in 1986, OP, your prejudice is against against poor and foreign people.

FWIW, when I went out of my Appalachian community, my friends were the other outcasts....like by best friend who was transgender before it was cool, and my Chinese friend who didn’t speak English well, and my black friend who struggled like me assimilating.

All this is so much more socio-economic and cultural than race. Most white people’s “black friends” are kids of doctors. So cute how you think you get it.

Doesn't the fact that your 'outcast' friends were mostly non white negate your point?

I was raised a hillbilly too and no it doesn’t. Poor folk stick together more.

That is exactly right. It is also true that poor people of all colors feel disrespected, marginalized and unheard, and they resent it. Fix that and we will make some real progress. Otherwise, we are just reliving the cycle of history.