is it ok to be late to practice as a natural consequence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you do the same thing if he is dawdling before school? Just let him be late? The coach is a volunteer and it is disruptive and disrespectful to have kids floating in and out of practice.

OP here. It’s school. Not a sports practice. They’re not equivalent. I haven’t had to do this for school. there are more systems in place (checklist, more reminders from me, doesn’t get breakfast until dressed and so on). Then a loss of privilege, like no soccer or no playdate. I micro-manage getting out the door for school more. Plus if I did this for school his siblings would also be late which isn’t right.
I don’t want to engage in that level of support for making an extracurricular activity. It’s not fair to me. He’s old enough and more than capable enough to do it (kid is not delayed, has no executive functions or attention issues of any kind).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me preface this by saying I’m clueless about sports. I’m an arts oriented person. My ten year old son is currently playing soccer. Practice twice a week.
Husband works late, I have two younger kids, so it’s a hassle doing practices. Carpool isn’t an option yet as he got put on a team where we don’t know anyone.

Typically I ask my son to get ready and if he doesn’t, I tell him to come get me when he is ready, which motivates him to move because he hates being late. So basically a natural consequence for him is being late. Today he was 30 minutes late for practice because he took forever to turn off the tv, get changed and get his gear.

He cried and was embarrassed about being late, so most likely this won’t happen again for a few weeks.
Is it rude to the team that we’re showing up late? Am I sending conflicting messages about respecting your team?

Yes, very rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- interesting responses. For the record it’s a rec soccer, DS got a 30 min warning, then 15 min warning. Then when it was time to go I said, “if you want to get to practice on time, you need to get your cleats on, find your ball & fill your water bottle. Come get me when you’ve done that and I’ll take you. Right now you are choosing to be late.”

Yea, so you are have double downed on being an a$$hole. The coach is a volunteer. Clearly you have zero awareness of how hard itnis to wrangle 12 kids just like your son as the coach has to. This has nothing to do with being an "arts" parent and everything to do with yiu being completely selff absorbed. Super disruptive and very disrespectful of a volunteers time. At least if this were travel it would be your own money you are wasting and your kid would be benched.

[Anonymous]

No tv until you’re all ready to go. Water bottle filled by the door, cleats ready, shin guards on. If you show me you cant handle that, then it will be no tv before practice period. I am not fighting this fight again. Those are my expectations.

[Anonymous]

To me it sounds like the kid isn't all that interested in playing or doesn't feel a connection to the team yet. My kid, who is borderline obsessed with her sport and has been playing on the same team for several years, is dressed and ready and at the door nagging ME to hurry up so she is not only on time but early to practice.

I think what you did is fine, provided it sent him a message and the pattern doesn't repeat itself week after week. If it does, I'd seriously reevaluate signing him up for spring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me preface this by saying I’m clueless about sports. I’m an arts oriented person. My ten year old son is currently playing soccer. Practice twice a week.
Husband works late, I have two younger kids, so it’s a hassle doing practices. Carpool isn’t an option yet as he got put on a team where we don’t know anyone.

Typically I ask my son to get ready and if he doesn’t, I tell him to come get me when he is ready, which motivates him to move because he hates being late. So basically a natural consequence for him is being late. Today he was 30 minutes late for practice because he took forever to turn off the tv, get changed and get his gear.

He cried and was embarrassed about being late, so most likely this won’t happen again for a few weeks.
Is it rude to the team that we’re showing up late? Am I sending conflicting messages about respecting your team?

I'm not going to bash you, I think you're trying here. My suggestion would be trying to help your son learn some tricks that help him be more prepared for things as he grows. Have him get his cleats, shin guards, etc. ready the evening before practice day. That way they are at the door or in the car and he's got less to do to get ready and more of a chance of being there on time. Some people need different ways to manage their schedules--there is no one right way to manage time. If you can help him find new ways that end up working for him and show the respect to the team/coach of being on time I personally don't see the harm in it.

[Anonymous]

You need to be in charge of this. I am not sure why do you expect him to get ready on time, that is part of your duties as a parent. He sounds to young to have the idea of time. Failed parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me it sounds like the kid isn't all that interested in playing or doesn't feel a connection to the team yet. My kid, who is borderline obsessed with her sport and has been playing on the same team for several years, is dressed and ready and at the door nagging ME to hurry up so she is not only on time but early to practice.

I think what you did is fine, provided it sent him a message and the pattern doesn't repeat itself week after week. If it does, I'd seriously reevaluate signing him up for spring.

No, that is personality. My son get up in thr morning and practices his sport before school, he watches YouTube videos of highlights of his sport in his free time, he comes home from school and practices his sport, he is a starting key player of his sport, scoring a good 1/4 of the points each game, he lives and breathes his sport and his laser focused on bring the best. He is a NIGHTMARE to get put the door. He has no concept of time, and drags his feet and is easily distracted. He is 9

[Anonymous]

I have no idea why people are flaming you, Op.

For all the “its disrespectful to his coach” responses....noooooo. My DH coaches little league and would think this is a fantastic idea. He is big on discipline and can’t stand seeing the way kids treat their parents, frankly- whining, making demands, won’t even carry their own bag etc. Yes let him be late for practice and if the coach has consequences for that- that is your sons problem. He will learn.

Now GAMES are another story- being late or not providing notice is extremely rude. It messes up lineups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So basically a natural consequence for him is being late.

Sorry, this is a natural consequence of YOUR behavior, not his. Get your kid to practice on time or don't bother. It's not fair to your kid, the coach, or the other players.

He's 10, not 3. The boy is old enough to experience this natural consequence himself. It absolutely is a consequence of his own behavior, and hopefully now he knows it. OP did a good job of teaching her son that he is responsible for his own actions.

If you have a kid that needs to be nagged and reminded of every step he needs to take to get out the door, especially at age 10, he needs a lesson that will really drive the point home: I am CAPABLE of getting ready on my own. In the end, being late and embarrassed once or twice is going to feel better than being nagged and nudged by your parents for the rest of his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you do the same thing if he is dawdling before school? Just let him be late? The coach is a volunteer and it is disruptive and disrespectful to have kids floating in and out of practice.

NP. My son is in second grade. I do this before school. It's a great natural consequence because he HATES being late. The thought of being late for school motivates him. Just as the thought of being late for practice will probably now motivate OP's son.

I give my son a couple of reminders in the morning regarding what time it is, and what he needs to do, but otherwise, if I'm ready, and it's time to go, I wait by the door.

I'm quite surprised about the reluctance of posters to teach their kids self reliance. You'll be pushing and nagging and reminding your kids to get out the door until they graduate high school.

[Anonymous]

I think it sounds okay to me, as long as you’re ready to go at the appointed time and he knows when that time is. I would give my kid several heads up which it sounds like you’re doing. “30 minutes until we leave... 15 minutes until we leave... I’m here by the door waiting for you with your stuff...” I like natural consequences. As long as you’re setting him up with plenty of notice and making sure he has what he needs, it’s on him. I do agree that another natural consequence should be no TV until he’s ready to go, though.