Girls Soccer vs. Boys Soccer Parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree that there is a big difference on DCUM between boy parents and girl parents. In response to your question of whether it has always been that way, I think so, it's just for that many years we didn't have a separate soccer forum. What we had was just two massive threads on area soccer. This was the first, and later there was a part II added: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/376898.page

The massive thread had a number of crazy, combative posters of the sort who were constantly making personal attacks against anyone who disagreed, and derailing topics time and again by trying to identify and defame other anonymous posters. Once Jeff created the soccer forum and there were threads devoted just to girls or boys, it became clear that virtually all of the difficult posters were girl parents--you could tell by their posting style, syntax, etc., and the way they continue to derail threads.

As to why there are more crazy girl parent posters, I haven't fully figured that out. There seems to be less of a difference in real life. I've known chill and crazy parents boy and girl parents on my kids teams and at the club. It may be that we were just unlucky to attract some nutty, insecure people to the site and they just never left because they always have found others to rumble with them.

This board is for women and attracts women. At the clubs we have played for the mothers were equally or greater crazy soccer parents vs the fathers. You just get more women on this board and they care about girls soccer because their kid is a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree that there is a big difference on DCUM between boy parents and girl parents. In response to your question of whether it has always been that way, I think so, it's just for that many years we didn't have a separate soccer forum. What we had was just two massive threads on area soccer. This was the first, and later there was a part II added: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/376898.page

The massive thread had a number of crazy, combative posters of the sort who were constantly making personal attacks against anyone who disagreed, and derailing topics time and again by trying to identify and defame other anonymous posters. Once Jeff created the soccer forum and there were threads devoted just to girls or boys, it became clear that virtually all of the difficult posters were girl parents--you could tell by their posting style, syntax, etc., and the way they continue to derail threads.

As to why there are more crazy girl parent posters, I haven't fully figured that out. There seems to be less of a difference in real life. I've known chill and crazy parents boy and girl parents on my kids teams and at the club. It may be that we were just unlucky to attract some nutty, insecure people to the site and they just never left because they always have found others to rumble with them.

This board is for women and attracts women. At the clubs we have played for the mothers were equally or greater crazy soccer parents vs the fathers. You just get more women on this board and they care about girls soccer because their kid is a girl.

Not sure about that theory. First, I'd be willing to be that a significant majority of the posters on the soccer forum are men, same as on the even crazier lacrosse one. Don't know if the administrators would have the data to confirm it, but that would be interesting. Second, many crazy soccer moms have boys as well as girls, and they are going to be at least as crazy about their precious boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think it is a lot to do with costs.

If a boy has great talent, he can likely get on an mls DA team ans there is not a huge financial burden to the family. The male talent will play in that league for hsoe clubs if they have it in striking distance. This is not up for debate.

Girls soccer at the high levels comes with a significant time and cost burden to the families. They will argue till kingdom come about what teams and clubs are worthy of such a sacrifice and if is very much up for debate.

Plus - as the costs exclude many kids, the ones in it are form uber competitive affluent families.

Bingo. They are just as crazy at school. Our poor Principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think it is a lot to do with costs.

If a boy has great talent, he can likely get on an mls DA team ans there is not a huge financial burden to the family. The male talent will play in that league for hsoe clubs if they have it in striking distance. This is not up for debate.

Girls soccer at the high levels comes with a significant time and cost burden to the families. They will argue till kingdom come about what teams and clubs are worthy of such a sacrifice and if is very much up for debate.

Plus - as the costs exclude many kids, the ones in it are form uber competitive affluent families.

Bingo. They are just as crazy at school. Our poor Principal.

I think you are on to something with this. The craziest soccer parents of girls I've known (about equal for moms and dads) have all been lawyers, lobbyists, or other highly educated affluent professionals, which is the demographic most likely to post on DCUM. And the demographic that makes the College forum so wild. The craziest parents of boys have been men from other countries who played growing up and think they know more than all the other parents, coaches etc. I also know a lot more boys who are receiving financial aid for soccer than girls, though there's no way to know this for sure.

[Anonymous]

As a longtime ref, I can confirm that the parents of girls have caught up to the parents of boys in terms of craziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think it is a lot to do with costs.

If a boy has great talent, he can likely get on an mls DA team ans there is not a huge financial burden to the family. The male talent will play in that league for hsoe clubs if they have it in striking distance. This is not up for debate.

Girls soccer at the high levels comes with a significant time and cost burden to the families. They will argue till kingdom come about what teams and clubs are worthy of such a sacrifice and if is very much up for debate.

Plus - as the costs exclude many kids, the ones in it are form uber competitive affluent families.

Bingo. They are just as crazy at school. Our poor Principal.

I think you are on to something with this. The craziest soccer parents of girls I've known (about equal for moms and dads) have all been lawyers, lobbyists, or other highly educated affluent professionals, which is the demographic most likely to post on DCUM. And the demographic that makes the College forum so wild. The craziest parents of boys have been men from other countries who played growing up and think they know more than all the other parents, coaches etc. I also know a lot more boys who are receiving financial aid for soccer than girls, though there's no way to know this for sure.

I agree. This line of reasoning is the most likely explanation. Watch the HBO show “Big Little Lies” to get an analogy to DMV affluent crazy soccer moms. The characters that Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern play are spot on. School, sports, tiddlywinks ... its all about them and competing with the other moms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a longtime ref, I can confirm that the parents of girls have caught up to the parents of boys in terms of craziness.

lol, we want more for our girls including better reffing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think it is a lot to do with costs.

If a boy has great talent, he can likely get on an mls DA team ans there is not a huge financial burden to the family. The male talent will play in that league for hsoe clubs if they have it in striking distance. This is not up for debate.

Girls soccer at the high levels comes with a significant time and cost burden to the families. They will argue till kingdom come about what teams and clubs are worthy of such a sacrifice and if is very much up for debate.

Plus - as the costs exclude many kids, the ones in it are form uber competitive affluent families.

Bingo. They are just as crazy at school. Our poor Principal.

I think you are on to something with this. The craziest soccer parents of girls I've known (about equal for moms and dads) have all been lawyers, lobbyists, or other highly educated affluent professionals, which is the demographic most likely to post on DCUM. And the demographic that makes the College forum so wild. The craziest parents of boys have been men from other countries who played growing up and think they know more than all the other parents, coaches etc. I also know a lot more boys who are receiving financial aid for soccer than girls, though there's no way to know this for sure.

I agree. This line of reasoning is the most likely explanation. Watch the HBO show “Big Little Lies” to get an analogy to DMV affluent crazy soccer moms. The characters that Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern play are spot on. School, sports, tiddlywinks ... its all about them and competing with the other moms.

Ha! Could also compare them to Lori Loughlin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only person who sees a pronounced difference in tone and obsession in threads about boys vs. girls soccer? What is driving that? For vets on these boards, has it always been like this? I understand that people may think because the women's team has historically done well, the stakes are much higher for girls soccer in this area, but seriously, there are very very few girls in this area likely to make WNT or even YNTs or go pro. And if we are just talking about college-bound players, there are plenty on the boys side too. But I don't think we see the manic posts nearly to the same extent. The only explanation that makes sense to me is that there are a handful of parents who just happen to have girls who play, and that all things equal, the same mania would play out if there happened to be a few boys parents like this as well (or instead). Other hypotheses? Or is the underlying premise wrong?

The most rabid posters are also those with younger players, and it seems girls are more likely to specialize in a particular sport early, 7th or 8th grade, than boys. By the time the girls are sophomores or juniors in HS, their parents calm down because it’s become quite clear who’s a contender for a college slot and who isn’t.

[Anonymous]

True. Girl parent crazy stuff peaks at 12 and 13 and then calms down mostly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, it might have to do with having a clear top league in BDA. With girls, it’s not clear in our area and some parents will make themselves feel better about their decision by putting down others.
Ridiculous, yes. But I think this will continue until we see a definite winner. I think that’s why the scrimmage scores between GDA and ECNL are bringing out such bad behavior.

In this area ECNL Boys are a factor as well.

No, it's not. Not yet, anyway.

[Anonymous]

soccer or any competitive sport is one arena where parents do not have direct control over the environment. Once the whistle blows and the game begins, parents can't do anything to protect or shield their kids from what happens in a game.

Few other circumstances in life are like this for a parent - they control EVERYTHING ELSE in their kids life. But they cannot control what happens in a game.

This FREAKS people out who are not used to it. It takes a few years for over-protective parents to get used to before they realize that their kids will survive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:soccer or any competitive sport is one arena where parents do not have direct control over the environment. Once the whistle blows and the game begins, parents can't do anything to protect or shield their kids from what happens in a game.

Few other circumstances in life are like this for a parent - they control EVERYTHING ELSE in their kids life. But they cannot control what happens in a game.

This FREAKS people out who are not used to it. It takes a few years for over-protective parents to get used to before they realize that their kids will survive.

I’ve seen protective parents, controlling parents, and snowplowing parent at soccer games. When my DD first played Rec soccer at 7 years old, I too was an overly protective and controlling Dad. It took me a good year to stop. Now, I can better enjoy watching my DD play and she enjoys playing much more now too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:soccer or any competitive sport is one arena where parents do not have direct control over the environment. Once the whistle blows and the game begins, parents can't do anything to protect or shield their kids from what happens in a game.

Few other circumstances in life are like this for a parent - they control EVERYTHING ELSE in their kids life. But they cannot control what happens in a game.

This FREAKS people out who are not used to it. It takes a few years for over-protective parents to get used to before they realize that their kids will survive.

That's a really good post...I think there's really something to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, it might have to do with having a clear top league in BDA. With girls, it’s not clear in our area and some parents will make themselves feel better about their decision by putting down others.
Ridiculous, yes. But I think this will continue until we see a definite winner. I think that’s why the scrimmage scores between GDA and ECNL are bringing out such bad behavior.

I definitely think this is part of the issue. If you are a boy's parent, the path is pretty clear. Your kid works to get on a DA team, then they work to do well there, and if they succeed, they will have a lot of good college options at a minimum. Not to mention the boys' DA is cheaper than regular travel soccer, and in some cases (not here, sadly) free. There's no real reason to second guess playing for DA if your kid is enjoying it, so there is nothing to fret about or feel insecure about.

Agree with this one. Also, if a boy makes a DA in this area he is a solid player. With the dilution of girls DA and ECNL, and the Spirit specifically (yes, now metro united or whatever it is), making a girls DA doesn’t necessarily mean the girl is a quality player.