How to deal with a workaholic?

[Anonymous]

My husband I went through something not as bad in terms of absence from family, but no interest in spending time with me, just total detachment on that front, everything was a bigger priority and especially work. Spoiler: he was involved with a coworker, and there were a lot of larger issues in terms of resenting me, and he did lie about it for ages and pretend he was just busy before it all came out. It got worse before it got better, because when I started objecting, he stopped being passive-aggressive and started just being cruel.

[Anonymous]

Honestly it sounds like he doesn't love or.value you. He has little interest in being a dad or husband. Get divorced. Nothing is going to change. He escapes into his work (and I call BS on all the work travel) because he doesn't want have the life he has at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sentence is a red flag: “And he pays out of pocket for most of his travel expenses for work.”

You sure those are work trips? If so, why is he subsidizing his employer?

Just will point out that if he’s in fact a fed, you really aren’t permitted to pay for your own work travel do that seems sketchy...

[Anonymous]

Is he an attorney????

[Anonymous]

I'm glad to hear you didn't become a SAHM married to this guy. Why don't you just hire a sitter when you need to go out? I know he doesn't make a ton but you pull in money, too and should be able to make some decisions on how it is spent. You should just expect nothing from him and create the world you want (your career, your life with the kids, your social life outside of him). You can either see if you are better off with or without him. If without, you can give him an ultimatum about going to counseling.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like an affair. Sorry.

DH is a physician and in academia. He makes a good living, mentors, does research and does consulting with several companies. He is a loving husband and father. He brings us with us to conferences and meetings or at least invites me. It is always my choice if I want to go or not.

There is absolutely no reason why he needs to be at work that late and no way he will get fired if he doesn’t.