Why am I always the one to initiate plans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The truth? I don't like you very much. So I never invite you, and if you invite me we'll go if we have no other plans. Over the years I've found out that FOUR people thought we were best friends, and I considered none of them MY best friend.

There's nothing wrong with you. You're pleasant. You're just ... a little dull for me. So I don't seek you out.

Ok, now mean girl~

OP again. It's okay. I'm a lot of things, but dull is definitely not one of them. I'm absolutely confident in that. So...mean girls gonna mean, but she's definitely off-base on this one.

I think PP was giving an example. There are lots of reasons people don't like someone. In this example, she used dull.

[Anonymous]

Because some people are planners and doers, others are joiners, and others are, well, lazy. Just like there's some people who volunteer, some people who write a check, and some people who expect others to do everything for them. It's like that in all of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Introvert here. I tend to be invited more than I invite- and I appreciate it SO much when someone invites me to socialize. Fear of the word "no" intimidates me from asking others to get together, so I always like it when someone takes the initiative for a friendship. But also part of being an introvert is that I like to be alone and tend to not socialize unless someone else asks me first. Please try to not take it personally. Only take it personally if the people repeatedly tell you "no" to hanging out.

I’m sorry, but this is crap and you’re using the introvert thing as an excuse. I’d wager I am much more introverted than you and I also have social anxiety and am insecure. But like Op, I’m the initiator with many of the people around me. I hate hate hate doing it and it never really gets better. Each time I reach out, I’m afraid of rejection. When we do get together I wonder if they are even having a good time or whether they wanted to get together at all. If you are introverted, you just need to grit your teeth and reach out. Not every time, but yes you could initiate much more often than never.

[Anonymous]

It’s just not that important to me to socialize with you. It might be you in particular, or it might be going out at all. Depends on the situation. If I want to do it enough, if it’s important, I’ll reach out. If you initiate, I might go if it sounds good.

That’s what it boils down to. Whatever the excuse, if it’s important enough, a person will make it happen. If it’s not, it’ll slip through the cracks. If that bothers you, either step back and see if they step up, let those friendships fade and find new friends, or learn to accept things the way they are.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you want/need it the most. Your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Introvert here. I tend to be invited more than I invite- and I appreciate it SO much when someone invites me to socialize. Fear of the word "no" intimidates me from asking others to get together, so I always like it when someone takes the initiative for a friendship. But also part of being an introvert is that I like to be alone and tend to not socialize unless someone else asks me first. Please try to not take it personally. Only take it personally if the people repeatedly tell you "no" to hanging out.

+1

+2

+3

[Anonymous]

I’m almost always the one to initiate, too, but it doesn’t bother me. I make a plan that my kids & I will enjoy, then we invite others to join. If they can come, great. If not, oh well.

[Anonymous]

PP, I do this too. But curious .. do you agree that sometimes what's important is not the activity (which fills the time) but the building of a relationship with the other person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, I do this too. But curious .. do you agree that sometimes what's important is not the activity (which fills the time) but the building of a relationship with the other person?

With a few very close friends, yes, the people are more important than the activity. But often it’s just someone to hang out with/other kids for the kids to play with.

[Anonymous]

I am also an initiator. I’ve come to accept that I need friends who will reciprocate invitations. If they don’t, I move on to other people so I don’t waste my time trying to develop a relationship with someone who doesn’t want the same thing as I do. I have fewer people in my life, as a result, but the friendships I do have are good and meaningful. Don’t try to force things. People are all different with different circumstances, and it won’t always work out. That’s okay. Don’t take it personally.