Polite and respectful way to ask the parents hosting a play date

[Anonymous]

Thanks! OP here and I can sense this thread going into a discussion/fight. Thanks so much to those who answered my question.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the people who say "just ask" but it can be awkward. I always volunteer ("We have a dog, no guns, no food allergies") but I find it more comfortable to bring up in a conversational story about DC playing hide and seek in a friend's house. It's a true story where DC didn't find any guns but could have, and I explain that that's why I ask.

[Anonymous]

We have guns and no one has ever asked. Close friends, I have told and they are very anti-gun but continue to allow play dates because they know we are safe fun owners and trust us.

[Anonymous]

Do you also ask about a parent's driving record? I'm not being sarcastic. My kids are older now and in sports. There are several parents I would not allow to drive my child. One mom has repeated speeding tix ( I know because she thinks it is very funny and tells everyone) and several others are heavy drinkers. Another offers that the family's nanny will drive.

[Anonymous]

I think you just ask in a straightforward way. Just note that you may not get an honest answer, for any number of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you also ask about a parent's driving record? I'm not being sarcastic. My kids are older now and in sports. There are several parents I would not allow to drive my child. One mom has repeated speeding tix ( I know because she thinks it is very funny and tells everyone) and several others are heavy drinkers. Another offers that the family's nanny will drive.

Why get worked up about your child potentially being in an accident (which has a higher chance of happening) when you can get worked up over the very remote chance that your kid could get hurt by a firearm in someone else’s home? That’s no fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This question doesn’t make sense to me.
Are you not going to let your child go if there are guns? Or are you not letting them go unless they are secure?

Having guns in the home is not a dealbreaker for me. Not having them secured in a gun safe is a dealbreaker. This issue came up in a babysitting co-op I was part of years ago. We had a new family, and one of the parents was in law enforcement. He showed parents how his weapons were secured. We were all perfectly fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have tons of guns (rifles and shotguns). Just ask. Ours are all locked up and unloaded. We do have a handgun in a safe that’s also unloaded. I’d love to tell you about dhs training and tours in Afghanistan (contractor, not military)

Do you have separate safes for the guns and the ammunition?

What’s with the eye roll? My friend is an FBI agent, and this is how he secures his firearms and ammunition. I hate guns and have no problem whatsoever with my kids being at his house.

No. This is how he tells you he stores them. He may keep his service weapon locked up but I promise it is likely loaded and most definitely not stored separately. He may keep other firearms and ammo separated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the people who say "just ask" but it can be awkward. I always volunteer ("We have a dog, no guns, no food allergies") but I find it more comfortable to bring up in a conversational story about DC playing hide and seek in a friend's house. It's a true story where DC didn't find any guns but could have, and I explain that that's why I ask.

What story? Something could have happened but didn’t?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you just ask in a straightforward way. Just note that you may not get an honest answer, for any number of reasons.

+1

We have some friends in law enforcement. They were more than willing to show us how they secured their firearms, because they recognize that gun safety is important. I don't care if someone owns firearms or not, I care that they secure them properly so that children can't accidentally get a hold of them. And yes, I teach my kid never to touch a gun and, if she sees one, she should immediately inform an adult, but I can't teach other kids, and kids make mistakes and do things that they aren't supposed to do. So it's better that the guns are locked up. And, IME, responsible gun owners have no problem telling you how they store their guns, but if someone lies to you about owning guns, there's not much you can do. If my kid came home and reported that she saw a gun at someone else's house, there would be no more playdates at that house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


We have some friends in law enforcement. They were more than willing to show us how they secured their firearms, because they recognize that gun safety is important. I don't care if someone owns firearms or not, I care that they secure them properly so that children can't accidentally get a hold of them. And yes, I teach my kid never to touch a gun and, if she sees one, she should immediately inform an adult, but I can't teach other kids, and kids make mistakes and do things that they aren't supposed to do. So it's better that the guns are locked up. And, IME, responsible gun owners have no problem telling you how they store their guns, but if someone lies to you about owning guns, there's not much you can do. If my kid came home and reported that she saw a gun at someone else's house, there would be no more playdates at that house.

All of this. You can do nothing about someone who chooses to lie about potentially putting your child's well being at risk (whether it's lying about access to firearms in their house, or lying about whether they'd serve teens alcohol). But as a nation the conversation about gun safety needs to happen. It becomes normalized as we all ask and answer one another honestly.

I always volunteer that we have no firearms, but do have a dog and we will be happy to crate her if DC's friends are scared of dogs. We have childfree friends who I learned kept a loaded handgun in the drawer of a side table in their living room. They always volunteered to babysit when DC was a toddler and we always said no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have tons of guns (rifles and shotguns). Just ask. Ours are all locked up and unloaded. We do have a handgun in a safe that’s also unloaded. I’d love to tell you about dhs training and tours in Afghanistan (contractor, not military)

Do you have separate safes for the guns and the ammunition?

What’s with the eye roll? My friend is an FBI agent, and this is how he secures his firearms and ammunition. I hate guns and have no problem whatsoever with my kids being at his house.

No. This is how he tells you he stores them. He may keep his service weapon locked up but I promise it is likely loaded and most definitely not stored separately. He may keep other firearms and ammo separated.

My DH has been an FBI agent for 20 years. His service weapon is always loaded. It’s also always either on his body or locked in a safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are a LEO family and surprisingly, we’ve never been asked the question. I’m always prepared to explain that they are stored away for safe keeping. I think gun owners anticipate and expect this. Simply ask. Are there guns. If you get a yes, follow up with a question on whether or not they are safely stored. If you can’t trust that their “yes” is honest, you probably shouldn’t leave your kids there anyway.

People may not ask because they know you and/or DH is/are in law enforcement so they assume you have guns but also assume you are responsible in storing them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Hi, just wondering if you have firearms at home and if so, do you keep them locked up and secure?”

As a gun owner, I’d have no problem explaining how I lock my firearm, but we don’t host play dates (when you ask “why doesn’t XX reciprocate”, this is why)

We are a military family and we have weapons, secured safely. Honestly I am both surprised and kind of appalled if someone doesn't ask me this question. We expect it and are never offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of this. You can do nothing about someone who chooses to lie about potentially putting your child's well being at risk (whether it's lying about access to firearms in their house, or lying about whether they'd serve teens alcohol). But as a nation the conversation about gun safety needs to happen. It becomes normalized as we all ask and answer one another honestly.

You really twisted that up. I'm not going to lie to you about the gun in my home and then let the kids play with it! I'm going to lie to you because it is stored securely and safely, I am trained in its appropriate storage and use, my children don't know it is in the house, and it presents absolutely no risk to your children or mine. Your comparison to "lying about whether they'd serve teens alcohol" is not even in the same ballpark. I'm not going to let your kid play with my gun.