Feel like an awful mother (a vent)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH’s ex gave us primary physical custody of her kids when they were 4 and 6. It was the most loving thing she has ever done for them. They are young adults now. She has rebuilt her life. They have a great relationship with their mother now.

That is encouraging. Thanks. That said, I would like a more equitable custody arrangement in the future.

If you trust him not to be an asshole later and to support you in visiting your kids while he has custody, then it may be the best decision for long term custody to give him a greater role now. The worst possible outcome is that you keep custody, are unable to take care of them, then he takes you to court to get custody while you are in bad shape. That is what puts your future with them in the most jeopardy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you too henone who was overseas with a cheating husband?

Now that I read the post again it does sound like that woman whose husband works overseas and they are divorcing. She posts on here all the time and never takes any of the advice given. Hopefully it's someone else though.

Right. She's the same person that another PP asked about: "Western MD stripper." I don't actually remember that poster being a stripper, but I'm pretty sure this is the same OP whose husband worked for the Federal Gov't abroad and who left him, took the kids and relocated to Western MD where she couldn't afford childcare, didn't have a job and had no family. Was often looking for legal advice. Are you the same person, OP?

She never said if she actually stripped or not, but she was considering it because she couldn’t find other employment.

I am relatively certain that person is the OP of this thread, despite her “I don’t know who that person is” responses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your situation with an abusive, cheating ex is quite different from a normal divorce. You should be seeking support from groups/organizations who support abused women. IMO, the trauma you suffered probably makes it hard to completely quit drinking, and yet you have been able to cut back significantly, yet not completely. Still you are making progress. Please consult with counselg but it is unlikely you would lose custody over the amount you drink.

You may not be the best mom, but you also are not the worst or dangerous, IMO. Is your exDH constantly on you that you are a bad mom? Is he paying any child support? That kind of “your a terrible person and a bad mom” language is a form of emotional abuse.

What is your primary problem in not being able to get stable employment? Maybe some of us can help with ideas. If it’s been 2 years, your infant should be a toddler and your toddler should be in prek 3 or 4. Have you tried getting access to income qualified preK in MoCo? That should help with daycare while you work. What is your living sotuation?

This. I went to alcohol to deal with abuse. I fled. Having teouble 2 years later with stability. Getting sober.

[Anonymous]

Your children deserve to be raised in a secure home, with a sober adult. These are formative years, and they are learning from which ever adult they live with. Put them first. Can you talk to a (pro bono) lawyer about how to spin this as being responsible?

Don’t fall for the bitter posters who are wanting you to win...let them grow in a safe, stable place

I wish you peace and recovery

[Anonymous]

That is what Love looks like, in your situation