Is it really “being good” if you are on an iPad for 3+ hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. The world outside of DCUM isn't so obsessed with wringing their hands over "screens" as a method of entertainment/media delivery. The PP worrying about reading for example, what if I told you that you can also read now via "screens"? There are all kinds of kids book apps for when you get tired of martyring yourself over putting all those books/toys together for every outing.

Rationalize. Deflect. Rationalize. Deflect.

[Anonymous]

Nope, 100% doesn't count.

[Anonymous]

Another vote, no it is not being good.

It is being distracted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. I've encountered this sort of thing, and it's irritating at best. Less the screens and more the adult attitude. I think it's always one of two ways of thinking (and/or), both of which I take issue with.

1) A child who is low-maintenance, or behavior that is easy for an adult to manage, is deemed "good." (Worse, the opposite is implied "bad"-- if not outright stated.) This is sometimes just lazy or simple-minded shorthand, and isn't intended to be a moral judgment, but it's annoying to hear people say or ask-- for example if Larla is a "good baby." Meaning she sleeps a lot and doesn't cry. It's problematic, and though it's "meant well," it grates on me.

2) Some people are genuinely proud of a child who can occupy himself with electronics. They praise their "attention span" and think staying quiet with an iPad at, say, a restaurant, is praiseworthy behavior. I know it's possible for some kids not to be pacified with electronics, or to continue to whine and fidget with an iPad in hand, but it's not really a feat for most small kids to "behave" when plugged in. And while it's arguably not BAD behavior per se, it could even be concerning in some cases (ADHD kids are awesome at hyperfocusing on screens-- I have ADHD, I know).

Yep to both of those. I have a friend who is always bragging about her daughter's amazing attention span, because she could sit through two full-length movies at home at 2-3 years old. She can also not sit still at preschool. My son has ADHD and let me tell you, sitting at a screen for hours without getting up to pee is not a good sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another vote, no it is not being good.

It is being distracted.

This.

It's not that it's a contest and we should be judging what "counts" as "good," and screens somehow disqualify a kid so he or his parents don't get any points. It's just that being distracted by a screen into passivity is a neutral behavior AT BEST. It's good for some people in the sense that the kid isn't being actively destructive or annoying, I guess, but that's about it. And it's certainly not good as in an accomplishment.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't understand people who say it's not being good, and we don't allow a lot of screentime.

When I was a kid, I was a total bookworm. The kind of kid who wanted to read while I was walking, always had a book with me, etc. So if I'm engrossed in a book, would that be considered being good? Or is that ok because it's more acceptable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 3 yo nephew has been on an iPad since about 8:30 am. MIL is marveling that he is “being so good”. (We are at MIL’s house). I find it odd that this is her definition of good behavior.

The iPad is consuming all of your nephew's attention and taking it will probably cause a tantrum. That's what they are designed to do--become addictive to the user. It's why tech gurus limit or prohibit early electronic use for their own children. Your MIL is from a different generation and doesn't understand this, so she equates your nephew's behavior as "being good."
That's what you want to hear right? It's also correct. If you want to help your nephew, engage him in something active like reading together or playing outside, but three year olds are a lot of work when they aren't using a screen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol. I am a teacher and this is almost always what I hear from parents when we have discussions about behavior. They say that they are always "so good" or they are "no problem" at home. I bet they are. We had to stop using iPads in our center rotations because of the number of students freaking out when it was time to stop using them and move to a different center.

Couldn’t agree more! Sometimes parents will say, “My child can concentrate just fine at home.” We’re a no-homework school (and the kids are constantly talking about their online activities), so I assume this means they can concentrate for hours on video games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is he misbehaving? Causing any problems? Then yes, he’s being good. He could still be whining, crying, complaining, running around, whatever (all normal for 3 year olds). Sounds like you just want to criticize and be superior.

Yes, that's what 3 year olds should be doing.

But that’s not a grandma’s definition of being good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand people who say it's not being good, and we don't allow a lot of screentime.

When I was a kid, I was a total bookworm. The kind of kid who wanted to read while I was walking, always had a book with me, etc. So if I'm engrossed in a book, would that be considered being good? Or is that ok because it's more acceptable?

I think this is a fair point, but I also think that you were probably older than 3, and thus it was more natural for you to be well-behaved and not making “trouble” (requiring effort from adults) regardless of what occupied you. The vast majority of 3 year olds can only be “good” to that extreme if rather extreme measures are used (screens are extremely absorbing, even to fairly young kids).

I’m sure some people think of books as morally or educationally superior, but I don’t. I DO think they take more work on the part of most kids (especially under 5) to keep them occupied, which means it’s more impressive than being occupied by a screen. Not better, but indicative of the mastery of more useful skills (in most cases). But the part about just being deemed “good” if you’re simply completely out of the hair of adults still stands as problematic.

[Anonymous]

I'd be upset DS's aunt and my MIL weren't playing with my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand people who say it's not being good, and we don't allow a lot of screentime.

When I was a kid, I was a total bookworm. The kind of kid who wanted to read while I was walking, always had a book with me, etc. So if I'm engrossed in a book, would that be considered being good? Or is that ok because it's more acceptable?

Yes reading is different than screen time. It has nothing to do with what is 'acceptable' and everything to do with screen time addictions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand people who say it's not being good, and we don't allow a lot of screentime.

When I was a kid, I was a total bookworm. The kind of kid who wanted to read while I was walking, always had a book with me, etc. So if I'm engrossed in a book, would that be considered being good? Or is that ok because it's more acceptable?

Yes reading is different than screen time. It has nothing to do with what is 'acceptable' and everything to do with screen time addictions.

I was also always reading as a kid, but I can't remember a single time I had a tantrum or whined if my parents told me it was time to put the book down. It wasn't addictive the same way screens are and doesn't result in the same bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That is so bad for the poor little kid.

Agree. Poor kid.

+1. Our ADHD kid used ipad and computer to surf the internet when she should have been studying. Every time I walked in the room, she would change pages. Unfortunately, a lot of homework IS done via the internet, but we had to take the ipad, computers and phones away from time to time because most kids don't have the drive to stick with an assignment online and certainly not for three hours. Besides, it is not good for the eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't understand people who say it's not being good, and we don't allow a lot of screentime.

When I was a kid, I was a total bookworm. The kind of kid who wanted to read while I was walking, always had a book with me, etc. So if I'm engrossed in a book, would that be considered being good? Or is that ok because it's more acceptable?

Yes reading is different than screen time. It has nothing to do with what is 'acceptable' and everything to do with screen time addictions.

I was also always reading as a kid, but I can't remember a single time I had a tantrum or whined if my parents told me it was time to put the book down. It wasn't addictive the same way screens are and doesn't result in the same bad behavior.

+2, I have ADHD and hyperfocus for reading. Like I'd walk into walls with a book in my hand, stay up until 3 am reading until I finished-- that kind of thing. I might have been annoyed to stop, but I never freaked out. It was always (and still is) more of a struggle to remove me from screens.